The clothes we wear are often a reflection of the person we feel like we are.
So, what happens when you start pushing that self-made boundary and find that you really enjoy the new statements you’re making with the fashion you choose?
What happens when other people decide that they don’t like it?
This was the problem facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) throwra_inapprops when he came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for some outside opinions.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to tell my fiancee that her outfit made my brother and his wife uncomfortable?”
OP began with the players involved.
“I (34 male) am getting married to Marcy (32 female) in about a month. My brother Eric (36m) has 2 kids with his wife Wendy (33f). Fake names. Marcy’s a high school teacher (this is relevant).”
“When I first met Marcy, she was very conservative. Her family originates from Egypt.”
“She’s third-generation American, but her family came from an area where it’s not acceptable to show anything ‘provocative’.”
He then explained the particular background for the issue.
“Marcy told me that she wanted to dress sexy for once. I didn’t mind. I like her the way she is and how she dresses, but it’s her body so do as you want.”
“So Marcy and her friend Anne went out shopping.”
“We went out for dinner last night with Eric and Wendy.”
“She decided she wanted to wear one of the outfits Anne had helped her pick out.”
“It was a fitted long sleeve white hooded shirt that was very lowcut like you could see the strap of her bra. Laces crisscrossed the chest, and the bra was black in contrast to tie it together.”
“Marcy is very busty (she’s 5’3 and a DD) so obviously, my eye was drawn to that area. I thought it was very attractive and told her she should wear it.”
“She wore it with jeans and boots.”
“On the way there, Marcy was talking about how nice she felt and was giddy that she was wearing something her family traditionally wouldn’t have let her.”
“Dinner with Eric and Wendy went well.”
“It wasn’t upscale but not cheap. The average meal was maybe $20-$25, so we were all dressed appropriately for this place.”
Everything was fine, until…
“The dinner was fine, nothing eventful happened, but when we got home, Eric messaged me and said I should tell Marcy that her outfit was inappropriate and that I shouldn’t let her leave the house like that.”
“I called him, and he told me that Wendy was uncomfortable sitting across from Marcy and couldn’t enjoy her meal with big boobs in her face.”
“Eric agreed with her. He said it was awkward that they could see her cleavage and he even said it was hard to concentrate because of her shirt.”
“I said I didn’t have a problem with how she dressed. I said Marcy looked nice in her shirt and that this was the first time she tried dressing out of her comfort zone.”
“Eric said it was weird that they were just resting on the table for everyone to see. I told him Marcy is short and can’t help where the table hits.”
“I said it sounded more like Wendy caught him staring at my fiancée and was either jealous of Marcy or angry at him, but neither means Marcy has to change how she dresses.”
“He then called me a few names, stated that ‘I would be concerned about how I looked if I worked in a school system but whatever, good night’ and hung up.”
Later,
“Marcy, as far as I know, has no idea this exchange happened.”
“She was so excited to go shopping for different clothes after work today and has already sent me a couple of pictures of things she likes on Amazon asking if I think she’d look good in them.”
OP was left to wonder.
“So AITA for not telling Marcy to change and telling her the shirt was inappropriate?”
“I didn’t think it was.”
“I thought she looked nice but I want to know.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some responses were very direct.
“NTA.”
“You are an awesome supportive partner to your fiancee. Your brother and his wife need to get over themselves.” ~ smithjojo99
Others felt it was the brother and SIL who overstepped.
“NTA, my dude you’re really the opposite of an a**hole.”
“Your brother and his wife don’t get to dictate what your wife wears. Hell, neither do you but it sounds like you understand that”
“Honestly, your brother and his wife are the a**holes” ~ Hwarang427
Also,
“NTA.”
“It’s quite clear who is though and there’s 2 of them.”
“Great job sticking up for yourself and your wife. But to whether or not you should tell Marcy?”
“That’s entirely up to you. I’m not sure I would want to know nor would I care what they thought about it if I were her, but you know her best.”
“After seeing her so happy in new clothes, I’d hate to be the one to potentially ruin that because of what a couple insecure people thought.” ~ Historical_Teacher_6
Commenters had very kind things to say about OP.
“Yes!”
“He wasn’t just a good bf, he was a true ally, he’s got her back, and he wasn’t afraid to tell them to just mind their business.”
“Plus, he’s not telling her, in this very exclusive circumstance, this is not something she needs to know.”
“She’s just coming into her own and feeling good about her body and he’s not letting his brother and SIL’s petty, toxic judgments get anywhere near her newfound, still very vulnerable joy in this.”
“Anthony Hopkins once said ‘it’s none of my business what other people think about me’ and that’s a wonderful concept, but it takes a lot of confidence to pull it off in real life, she’s not there yet.”
“So if he has to keep it quiet until she is confident enough to shake it off, I applaud him for it, absolutely nothing good would come of her hearing about this.”
“NTA” ~ randomusername71175
And,
“For sure nta, and I’m pretty sure op knows it XD.”
“He was as confident in telling this story as he was in the wife’s outfit and his response to his brother.”
“Not that I’m complaining, it’s a great story with a great moral. Men don’t get to dictate what women wear and women shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies.”
“Boobs shouldn’t make anyone feel uncomfortable, they’re the sole source of nutrition for many of our species’ younglings, grow tf up XD.”
“Distracting, maybe. Which I’m guessing was the real issue here. Bro bro couldn’t stop staring so wifey made him call up to complain lmao.”
“OP ain’t his wife’s manager, talking to the wrong person there! Either way, well played op, you did the right thing <3” ~ A1sauc3d
There were, of course, also personal stories.
I’m the same height and bust size as OP’s wife and tops that people wouldn’t bat an eye at on a flatter chested woman look very different on me.”
“I’m constantly worried about pulling too much attention with my cleavage, and so when I go out with my boyfriend and have that buffer I like to be able to wear stuff that’s a little low cut.”
“It’s really lame that these people are trying to take that from Marcy. OP is clearly NTA” ~ awyastark
Also,
“I’m shorter than Marcy and bigger chested.”
“I totally agree about tops fitting differently on me than on a smaller chested woman. There are very few non-t-shirt shirts I can wear without showing at least a hint of cleavage.”
“I wish I weren’t so short that people looking at me are likely going to be able to see even more cleavage because they are looking down at me, but that’s just how it is.”
“I think some people get way too worked up over a little bit of skin showing.” ~ JunliBear
Some managed to find humor in it though.
“NTA – Honestly, it doesn’t sound like that revealing of an outfit lol.”
“OH NO EVIL BRA STRAPS THEY TURN ME INTO CARTOON WOLF yeah f*ck off.”
“Also as a partner to an educator, I f*cking hate the ‘if you’re a teacher you’re basically a nun’ thing that the US enforces socially. It’s so weird.” ~ GottaFindThatReptar
The clothes we wear are often a reflection of the person we feel like we are.
The clothes and styles we choose are a personal decision.
Of course, there are cultural norms to be considered and the feelings of other people to be weighed, but the final decision is yours and yours alone.
Be wary of anyone who tries to alter that choice, or give you unwanted feedback on how they feel your body should look.
Always remember that these people aren’t looking out for your best interest, but rather their own feelings and perceived shortfalls.