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Woman Balks When She’s Accused Of ‘Acting Like A Bridesmaid’ After She Helps Out At Friend’s Shower

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Being a good friend with manners means helping whenever you can.

Especially, if those meant to be helping are not doing their job. But, some people think lending an extra hand is stepping on other’s toes.

Redditor bridalshower_aita encountered this very issue with her friend. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.

She asked:

“AITA for ‘acting like a bridesmaid’?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Throwaway because I’m not sure if anyone else involved in this uses Reddit.”

“My friend ‘Carrie’ had her bridal shower last weekend. I was staying with her since we don’t live near each other, so I went a couple hours early with her.”

“When we got to the venue, it was just Carrie, Carrie’s MOH (who is six months pregnant), Carrie’s mom, and two of Carrie’s aunts there to help set up. So I offered to help and spent a couple hours setting up decorations and getting food ready.”

“None of Carrie’s bridesmaids showed up until 10 minutes before the shower started.”

OP helped out however she could.

“During the shower itself I didn’t do much, but while Carrie was opening presents I was on trash duty.”

“Carrie’s MOH was writing down who gave Carrie what, one bridesmaid was recording Carrie, and one was giving presents to Carrie. Rather than let all the trash pile up, I offered to put it in a garbage bag as Carrie was done with it so her mom could sit back and watch her open presents.”

“When the shower ended her bridesmaids left, leaving Carrie, her MOH, her mom, her two aunts, and her fiancé (who had shown up for the end) to clean everything up and get all the gifts to Carrie’s car. I had to wait on a ride anyway, so I helped them clean everything up.”

One of the bridesmaids reached out to OP.

“A few days later, I got a Facebook message from one of the bridesmaids.”

“She said I shouldn’t have stepped in and acted like a bridesmaid because it wasn’t my place. I explained that I wasn’t trying to act like a bridesmaid at all, and that while I was there I just figured I should help out.”

“She reiterated that wasn’t my place and I should have left it to the actual bridesmaids.”

“I didn’t think I was being an a**hole, but a couple of my friends who know what happened think I might have stepped on some toes and acted like an a**hole.”


Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Most Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.

“NTA – Maybe that bridesmaid should have acted like a bridesmaid then.”

“But also you were acting like the good friend that you are. You don’t need an official label/role to act like that.” ~ Not_Cleaver


“OP acted like a caring friend and thoughtful guest, keeping bride and mother of bride free to enjoy the day.”

“Bridesmaid could have, at any time, said ‘thanks for the help, let me take care of that’ but chose not to and worse, tried to shame OP for doing the right thing.” ~ wildcat12321

“They were being shit and most likely got called out on it with ‘OP wasn’t even a bridesmaid and she helped.'”

“My mom raised me with a nervous fear that if there’s something to be done and I’m not doing it I will get in trouble, so I frequently find myself cleaning up or helping out in some way regardless of the event or situation. Don’t sweat it” ~ JoefromOhio

“Exactly. Then bridesmaids didn’t bother to show up early to help or to stay to clean up. You were being a good friend but now they think you’re a ‘friend-zilla’ (not an actual thing).”

“You were being helpful and they’re projecting their own insecurities. Show the messages to your friend and tell her to call off her bridesmaid-zillas.” ~ Anonymotron42

Many were confused as to why the bridesmaid would say that?

“Yup. Basically a ‘how dare you make me and my friends look bad with your thoughtfulness.’ Wouldn’t surprise me if the MOH was livid at the bridesmaids and let them know about it.” ~ Inconceivable76

“I wasn’t aware helping clean up and set up was specifically bridesmaid duty. I would’ve done the exact same thing had I been in OP’s shoes. It’s called being a good person and a good friend.” ~ kate3544

“NTA, maybe she should have made you a bridesmaid since you seem a bit more considerate… either way, you’re a good friend for helping regardless of what the other girls think or say.” ~ erinwnr

“The bride won’t learn that lesson til after the wedding. OP should keep doing what’s she’s doing… being a good caring friend. If they feel some type of way that’s on them.” ~ KindergartenBullshit

“Lol this is so true. At one of my childhood friend’s weddings, I was the only one out of the group we grew up with that wasn’t a bridesmaid.”

“I was ostracized from the group in college at the behest of another girl.”

“Fast forward a few years and we’re both living in the same city where she has a baby. She went through postpartum psychosis, and a year later, I’m still the only one of her friends who she was comfortable telling. I don’t get people sometimes but I’ve definitely seen this more than once.” ~ bahuranee

Many argued the bridesmaid was the a**hole.


“But that bridesmaid was. You were helping your friend. The. End.”

“Unless you friend complained about it, which would be wrong and I’d say reevaluate that friendship, you did nothing wrong at all. The bridesmaid was probably pissy cuz you made her look bad, this is her own insecurity on what a crappy friend and bridesmaid she was being.”

“I’m torn whether you should bring it up to the bride or not tho. On one hand I feel like she might want to know how her bridesmaid is acting and treating people, I damn sure would shoot I’d fire the bridesmaid and promote you!”

“On the other hand there could be drama and you’d be adding stress to the bride. Maybe leave it alone and bring it up after the wedding or if she does something else/worse.”

“You did good tho!!” ~ kalkiki

“I would ‘apologize’ to the bride for getting in the way. Either she’ll accept and you’ll know how she feels or she’ll question why and give the bridesmaid a talking to for being rude and unhelpful.” ~ meowie_mouse

Maybe her bridesmaids can offer to help more often so OP doesn’t have to step in.