We sometimes never know who our friends are.
Every now and then, we find ourselves surprised by the unkind actions of people who we’d previously considered among our nearest and dearest.
Resulting in our questioning whether or not we want to even remain on speaking terms with these people.
Redditor throwaw__ay6 recently found herself in such a situation when she overheard some friends of hers making demeaning comments about her and her son.
Remarks the original poster (OP)’s husband took even less kindly to when she told him through her tears.
Things only got worse when these friends learned that the OP told her husband about what they said, resulting in their accusing her of “crying to her husband,” leading to even more vitriol.
Wondering if she handled the situation in the best possible way, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for crying to my husband?”
The OP explained how hearing a conversation she was never meant to hear resulted in these so-called friends no longer being part of her life.
“My 18-year-old son Eric just graduated high school.”
“I’m very proud of him because he has ADHD and school has always been a struggle for him but he’s going to college and his future is promising.”
“I was out with my 2 girlfriends and both have children the same age as Eric.”
“Well, I excused myself to the washroom and right before I was about to go back into the room I overheard one of them say that I must be so disappointed in Eric. “
“Disappointed because he’s not studying law or medicine etc. like their kids.”
“This got my attention and I kept listening.”
“They continued to talk about how he barely graduated and then they made a few odd jokes about how Eric’s probably going to follow in my footsteps and marry a rich older lady.”
“They talked about my son’s ‘reputation’ and laughed about how he clearly cares more about his face than his future.”
“Just like his mother.”
“This hurt me a lot.”
“I was heartbroken.”
“Not only were they insulting me, but my son as well.”
“I walked into the room and they went silent but acted as if they weren’t just sh*t talking.”
“I didn’t mention it and simply decided to never hang out with them ever again.”
“But when I got home my husband asked me if anything was wrong and I just began to cry and told him everything.”
“I’ve been friends with them for a year and gosh I don’t even know.”
“He was really angry.”
“He had invited them and their families to go on a quick two-day trip and he called their husbands and canceled.”
“When they asked why he told them that there was no way in hell he was paying to take two bitter mean girls that insult his wife and son on vacation.”
“Well I got a call from the two and they were really upset.”
“They said that I need to tell him to rethink his decision and that they were just joking around because their kids were really looking forward to the trip.”
“I told them that I didn’t want to but they said that I should’ve talked to them instead of crying to my husband like a weak a** b*tch.”
“I told them to f*ck off and they replied with ‘this is exactly why we hate you, wait sorry are you gonna go cry to your husband again?'”
“That stung a little and now I’m wondering, AITA for not being straight up and crying to my husband instead?”
“The two think I am and my sister agrees that I should’ve dealt with it myself and I went too far telling my husband.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had every right to tell her husband what happened and was not the a**hole for doing so.
Everyone agreed that the OP was better off without these women in her life, as they made no effort to apologize for their unkind words and even went so far as to tell the OP they “hate” her.
“NTA.”
“Never talk to them again please.”
“They did this to themselves by being a-holes.”- TheDrawingDucky
“NTA.”
“‘I’m just joking’ is the universal mantra of every a**hole bully.”- ElectronicRub1716
“They literally said they hate you.”
“Do not question yourself.”
“If they were real, real friends you would have been comfortable to say hey what the f?”
“But you weren’t.”
“They are only upset because they don’t get to go on the trip.”
“They obviously don’t care about you, sorry.”
“Find some new friends.”
“I’ll be your friend.”
“You don’t need friends like that.”
“NTA.”- Fresh-Beach-
“NTA.”
“You overheard your ‘friends’ saying mean, hateful things about yourself and your son.”
“You left.”
“You told your husband when he asked how the evening went.”
“That is not ‘crying to him’.”
“Your husband chose to cancel a trip that he was paying for.”
“He chose to inform your ‘friends’ husbands.”
“These women had the nerve to call you and complain about not going on the trip and hold you responsible.”
“There is no possible way that you are the a**hole.”
“These were never friends.”
“They were using you.”
“They never cared for you.”
“Never respected you.”- mrslII
“Wtf.”
“Just block them and never think about them again.”
“NTA.”- Jmac_files
“They were never your friends, though you thought they were.”
“By expressing disappointment that you went to your husband, they’re continuing not to be your friends.”
“They’re AHs.”
“You owe them nothing.”
“They’re not concerned about their actual friendship with you.”
“They’re concerned that they lost out on the trip, and that they’ve lost their good reputation.”
“In almost all marriages, you should share with your husband everything.”
“Def NTA.”- b1lllevansatmariposa
“If they hate you why are they so keen to go on holiday with you?”
“F*ck the lot of them.”
“You, your husband, and Eric are just great without them.”
“NTA.”- ccl-now
“They’re shaming YOU for relying on your partner for emotional support?”
“Sis, they were never your friends.”
“NTA.”- Ok-Swordfish8110
“You dealt with the situation by cutting the women out of your life.”
“You do not owe them an explanation, time, or energy.”
“You don’t even have to answer their phone calls.”
“They’re just angry because they lost out on a free trip, but they didn’t even value the trip enough to pretend to like you when trying to get you to change your husband’s mind.”
“NTA.”- Huntress_of_the_Moon
“NTA.”
“The fact that you were comfortable and secure enough to disclose your heartbreak to your husband says great things about your marriage.”
“They are just pissed they got caught.”
“You don’t need mean girlfriends.”- janeandprudence
“NTA at all!”
“With friends like that, who needs enemies?”
“It sounds like you have a good husband, immediately standing up for his wife and son.”
“Drop the mean girls and find better friends who continued maturing after high school.”-Fickle_Ostrich4923
“NTA OP and I’m so sorry you experienced this.”
“But better to know now than them continuing to be false friends.”
“Absolutely you were right to tell your husband, I would have done the same, and he was right to call their husbands to cancel as he was the one paying.”
“They sound mean, jealous, spiteful, and definitely not your friends.”
“Congratulations to Eric for graduating and going to college.”
“Congratulations to you and your husband who’ve obviously raised a wonderful kid, who knows what it’s like to work hard, and to struggle but to persevere even when things are difficult.”
“I’d be very, very proud of him as well.”
“Sending hugs to you OP cos it sounds like you might need one.”
“BTW, I think your sister was wrong.”
“I’d have kept quiet in public as wouldn’t have wanted to cause any potential scene/drama etc.”
“My first thing would have been to go straight home and tell my best friend, my son’s father, and cry in privacy.”
“I wouldn’t let the witches have the extra delight in seeing they’d made me cry & then play the bully’s ‘I’m only joking’ card.”- fibrofatigued
The OP later returned to thank everyone who took the time to comment and offer their opinions on the situation.
“I’m a bit overwhelmed by how many comments this post has gotten but I want to thank you all.”
“Also, a lot of people are saying that there is no way I seriously think I’m an a**hole but my sister telling me that I acted weakly made me doubtful.”
“I mean it’s my sister, I tell her everything.”
“A lot of my previous friends also used to say similar things about me regarding my husband so after a while you start to wonder if you’re the problem.”
“Either way, I still want to thank you guys for being so kind.”
“My heart is bursting with joy and I haven’t felt relief like this in a while.”
It’s pretty unbelievable that the first thing the OP’s friends didn’t do after the trip was canceled was to apologize to the OP.
Even worse, they seemed more upset about missing out on the trip than they did about hurting the feelings of the OP and her son.
One can only hope that they’ll take some time to stop and reflect on their behavior during the time they were supposed to have been on the trip.
Though, it’s hard not to agree with those who feel that the OP is, indeed, better off without these women in her life.