Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
More often than not, what really makes us beautiful is what makes us stand out from others.
While these little blemishes or abnormalities might make some people self-conscious, others might envy them, even going so far as to add them to their own complexion.
A decision not everyone might appreciate.
Redditior Moths2Flamez was prone to a certain skin condition growing up that she came to embrace.
So much so, in fact, that the original poster (OP) made the decision to replicate this condition using makeup.
Upon noticing that she was doing this, a friend of the OP's wasted no time in scolding her, even going so far as to accuse her of "cultural appropriation".
Wondering if this was the case, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for wearing fake freckles?"
The OP explained why her faux freckles rubbed her friend the wrong way:
"I work in a beauty supply store where we sell makeup, hair care products, etc."
"We got these little 'freckle pens' in recently."
"When I was younger, I would always get a few freckles in the summer from playing outside in the sun all day."
"Now that I am older, I try to take better care of my skin."
"I use sunscreen and try to limit my exposure."
"I miss my freckles, so I decided to try the pen."
"I picked out the lightest shade so they would look natural."
"It worked wonderfully, and now I use it almost every day."
"I met up with one of my friends for lunch yesterday, and she looked at me funny and asked 'have you always had freckles?'"
"I told her about the freckle pen and she told me that 'it doesn't sit right with her soul' that she was bullied as a child for having freckles and now people wear them as a fashion statement."
"I told her I that I just thought they were cute and she said that it felt like 'cultural appropriation'."
"I don't think I'm in the wrong here."
"Obviously, it sucks that she was bullied, but I don't think using a freckle pen is the same thing as cultural appropriation."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for adding fake freckles to her face.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP putting on fake freckles was anything but cultural appropriation, but instead was simply embracing who she was.
"NTA."
"Freckles are not a culture."
"It's like dying your hair blonde if you're not a natural blonde."
"I'm a redhead and I have freckles mostly all over my body, and more so in the summer."
"For some reason, though, I rarely get freckles on my face anymore, and I wish I had them there!"
"I'd love to know what pen you use and if you know any waterproof options!"- rachaubrey
"NTA."
"Oh please."
"How is having freckles cultural appropriation?"
"You do you."
"You do what makes you feel beautiful."
"This is not personal towards your friend and she is making it so."- Worth-Season3645
"NTA."
"I was bullied as a kid for having thick eyebrows and now a lot of people get their brows microbladed."
"Also it isn't like YOU bullied her in the past."
"Sounds like a her problem."- MerryMir99
"NTA."
"You HAD freckles as a kid."
"How can you culturally appropriate your own childhood?"- cassowary32
"I also was bullied for having freckles and seeing those bullies now paint freckles on them irritates me sooo much, but I would never go and tell anyone to not use the pen."
"NTA."- kypsikuke
"NTA."
"Piece of friendly advice, when some says something 'hurts their soul' you can basically ignore what they are bothered by as they are likely an idiot."- Varkyvark
"NTA."
"This is not cultural appropriation, and it is not offensive to a reasonable person."
"I am covered in freckles from head to toe."
"I don't own freckles, and frankly, the idea of being invested in who does and does not have freckles seems bananas to me."
"Your friend needs to chill."- Zamastyle
"Cultural appropriation?"
"NTA."
"As someone covered in freckles 24/7, I give blanket permission for everyone everywhere at any time to fake some freckles if they like the look lmao."- Anonkip16
"NTA."
"Of course it us ok for you to have fake freckles."
"Your friend is very immature and just weird."- Agreeable_Rule_7768
"NTA."
"I have freckles."
"Like. A lot of them."
"Idgaf if someone puts on fake freckles."
"They aren't my race."
"They aren't my culture."
"They aren't my people."
"They aren't history."
"They aren't plight."
"They're pigment spots."
"Get over herself."
"I also have a chicken pox scar on my face. Should I make sure others scars are real in case they're stealing my scar style?"- SafeWordisFilibuster
"Freckles are not a culture."
"NTA."- Future-Resource-4770
"NTA."
"HAHAHA."
"I am pale as hell and have freckles all over my shoulders, back, chest, and face."
"If someone wants to draw on themselves who the hell cares?"
"People draw on their eyebrows, wear fake lashes, get things filled in and sucked out of their face, why is the line in the sand at freckles?!"- MomLovesMonsters
"An individual case of bullying isn't the same as something systemic like racism."
"Your friend's comparison to.cultural appropriation is ridiculous."
"I got bullied for curly hair as a kid; does that mean everyone who uses a curling iron has wronged me somehow?"
"NTA."- Responsible_Wait9772
"Exactly what culture would that be appropriating?"
"I hate it when people use wording like that because it just waters down the meaning."
"It hurts people who are experiencing real cultural appropriation."
"NTA."- Mrs_Weaver
"NTA."
"your style and makeup choices are your business."- subliminal_sanity76
"NTA."
"Her soul needs to grow the hell up."- PreoccupiedMind
"NTA."
"As a freckled person, wear the freckles."
"The more we accept that freckles are beautiful, the less bullying there will be of future generations."- Major-Distance4270
"NTA."
"It is a bit of a sting sometimes to see things we were bullied intensely for our entire childhoods become trends, but that doesn't mean people shouldn't participate in those trends."
"If anything, after the initial bitterness I'm usually happy that at least now kids who naturally have these qualities and attributes can be themselves without being bullied for it."- Due-Review-8697
"NTA."
"Everybody gets bullied for something."
"There is no damn freckle culture."- Aliteracy
"The freckle pen is a great way to conceal small blemishes."
"Use the darker shade(s) for 'beauty' marks, and the lighter shade(s) for freckles."
"NTA."
"I have two freckle pens."
"It's no different than wearing colored contacts, dying your hair, or getting a spray tan."- Character-Section-79
"I'm covered in freckles."
"COVERED."
"And I find it hilarious how the people that used to make fun of me use the freckle filter."
"NTA."- bwizzle0927
"NTA."
"If this were a real issue people wouldn't be allowed to dye their hair ginger either."- Ugly_Quenelle
"NTA."
"Freckles are not linked to a specific culture, so can't be culturally appropriated."-InappropriateAccess
"LMAO!"
"Cultural appropriation?"
"Wow. Just...wow."
"NTA and thanks for my first laugh of the day."- No_Builder7010
"NTA."
"How are freckles cultural appropriation?"
"As someone who hated her freckles as a kid, I have no desire to use a freckle pen."
"I do know other people who like them and wish they had them so if they want to use a freckle pen, who am I to say they shouldn't?"
"Wearing fake freckles is no different than someone wearing fake nails, lashes, hair, etc. in this day and age."- chemicalscream
There were a few, however, who at least sympathized with the OP's friend, pointing out how freckles were, and continue to be, something of a sore spot for her, even if they still agreed that the OP was doing nothing wrong by using a make-up pen to add freckles.
"NAH."
"She's probably in the wrong for saying it's 'cultural appropriation', but she can feel annoyed or frustrated by it considering her past with being bullied."
"I think the freckle pen and trend are silly, but I can't call you an a**hole for using them."-cthulhusmercy
The OP later returned, sharing an update on how she planned on handling things with her friend going forward.
"I'm probably just not gonna use the pen anymore when we hang out."
"I only see her once every few weeks anyway! "
"Not really worth it."
It shouldn't need to be said that we live in a world where black, brown, and yellowface should never be tolerated.
However, for the OP's friend to get as angry as she did over her adding something to her face that she openly said she had as a child seems a bit excessive.
It says a lot about the OP's character, though, that she's willing to stop every time she sees this friend, knowing that her doing so upsets her.
Hopefully, something this friend will grow to appreciate.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.