Some people become fast friends with their neighbors, almost as if they were destined to be living next to one another.
Others might not have exchanged two words with their next door neighbors after years of living next door or across the way from one another.
Unluckiest of all are those who become enemies with their neighbors, needing to work hard to avoid making contact of any kind with them.
The neighbor of Redditor simpleprivate saw that the original poster (OP)’s husband was highly skilled in an area she wanted her son to learn.
As a result, this neighbor constantly asked if her husband could spend more time with her son, as a way of learning this skill.
The OP flatly refused her husband to oblige this request, feeling that boundaries weren’t being respected.
Worried that she might have overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my husband to stop helping my neighbor and her son.”
The OP explained why she wasn’t comfortable with her husband spending time with her neighbor and her son:
“About five years ago my neighbor Jane kept walking over to our house and sending me messages asking for help for her son to learn to snowboard from my husband.”
“Janes husband wasn’t interested in helping and she kept telling me how great it was that my husband would snowboard with my son.”
“At one point she asked if my husband her and her son could go snowboarding together?”
“I put my foot down and said absolutely not.”
“Fast forward a number of years later and her son is now 16.”
“She again asked for help buying a new snowboard and my husband is nice and went and helped her and her son purchase one.”
“She then started texting him asking if she could go with my husband and my son and her and her son snowboarding the next weekend.”
“My husband said that was fine however, my son decided not to go last minute because he wanted to just spend time with my husband.”
“My husband didn’t know that but I did.”
“My husband spent the day with Jane and her son even after me telling him that I wasn’t happy about him going and that he should cancel – but he said he already told her he would and didn’t want to flake.”
“She texts him during work hours (he replies) and has relentless questions and asking when the next time they can go snowboarding.”
“I told my husband to stop texting her and he can’t go with her anymore.”
“It’s making me uncomfortable.”
“Her husband is around and did go with them to purchase the snowboard but doesn’t have the time to spend with them on the weekends and so she wants my husband to go to help them and show them the ropes.”
“He’s one of those people that likes to help others.”
“However – I told him to ghost her.”
“He said it’s gonna be weird when he sees her in the neighborhood and what he supposed to say when he sees her?”
“I told him to tell her that he’s just too busy.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to whether or not the OP was the a**hole for telling her husband to stop being in contact with Jane.
Many agreed that the OP was justified, finding Jane’s behavior inappropriate and overbearing, with many suspecting that Jane might have romantic feelings for her husband.
“NTA.”
“Point out to your husband that his desire to help is alienating his son.”
“He didn’t check if his son wanted the neighbors to come.”
“It is not your husband job to make up for her husband being unable to spend weekends with them.”-GapApprehensive3184
“NTA.”
“This is one of two things (or both).”
“She has a thing for your husband and is trying to make her way toward that goal.”
“She is trying to make her own, seemingly worthless husband jealous.”
“Nothing else about this makes sense.”- Gold-Invite-3212
“NTA.”
“Tell him the facts.”
“She is a married woman and should not spend alone time with a married man with her son ’cause they ain’t a family, and that is weirder than flaking out on someone who’s supposedly a stranger.”
“Another fact is that his own son did not want them around, but he still hangs out with them, making your son uncomfortable and not wanting to go.”
“The fact that he makes his own wife uncomfortable and apparently he cares more about the married neighbor more than his own wife.”
“What he’s doing is not being the bigger person, but he’s ruining his own marriage.”
“Give him that ultimatum: either he can have a family or he can ruin it.”- Enviest0
Others, however, felt the OP didn’t need to be quite so aggressive, feeling she should have a conversation with Jane and not ghost her, even if they agreed Jane’s behavior was a bit much.
“ESH.”
“Maybe I’m naive and too trusting, but it really seems like she just wants free snowboarding lessons from your husband.”
“In the comments, you admit she only texts your husband when she has questions related to snowboarding and that her husband accompanied them for shopping.”
“Is there a problem with the neighbor’s kid?”
“Is he a bully, mean, jerk?”
“I guess not since you only bring up the wife and never the child.”
“Tell Jane that you have an issue with her asking your husband for help.”
“You are the one who’s worried about her intentions.”
“You are the one with a problem.”
“Unless you are moving, don’t ghost her.”
“That would be stupid.”
“Be honest and open; if you get backlash, then so be it.”
“Honestly, you appear to be worried that Jane wants to sleep with your husband and that you don’t trust him enough not to sleep with her.”
“Maybe you’re right, maybe you’re wrong.”
“I don’t know.”
“You truly don’t know either.”- FluffyPal
While a few found the OP’s reaction over-the-top and unjustified. Others agreed that Jane only seemed interested in snowboarding lessons and that the OP was being unfairly nasty to her.
“To sum up:”
“Five years ago, the neighbor asked you if your husband could teach her son and if she and her son could go snowboarding with your husband and son.”
“You said ‘absolutely not’, and the neighbor apparently dropped it for five years.”
“After five years, she asked your husband for help buying a new snowboard for her son.”
“Your husband went with her, her husband, and their son to help them pick out a snowboard.”
“Then she texted your husband asking if she and her son could go snowboarding with him and your son.”
“Your husband agreed.”
“Somehow, after talking to you, your son decided at the last minute not to go, but your husband kept his word and went snowboarding with the neighbors.”
“It was a day trip, not an overnight trip.”
“She says next time, her husband would like to go, too.”
“You admit you exaggerated how much she has texted your husband.”
“By your own account, this woman has never communicated with your husband about anything but snowboarding.”
“She has never been alone with your husband.”
“She has never suggested anything that might lead to their being alone together.”
“She has been completely open with you and with her husband about everything.”
“You conclude that she’s trying to seduce your husband — in the presence of her son, your son, and now her husband.”
“You have ordered your husband to ghost her and have forbidden him to go snowboarding with her family.”
“Can you honestly not figure out who’s the a**hole here?”
“What’s amazing to me is that virtually everybody commenting agrees with you.”
“Most of them think your controlling behavior is ‘setting boundaries’.
“It’s really incredible to me.”
“Why are you so insecure and controlling?”
“Is your husband a known cheater?”
“Is your marriage an unhappy one?”
“Is he so attractive that wherever he goes, all the women stop and stare?”
“Are you so incredibly unattractive that you’re sure other women think he’d cheat on you, given the slightest chance?”
“YTA.”
“You don’t need Reddit.”
“You need a good therapist.”
“It sounds like your son is nearing adulthood.”
“When it’s just your husband and his insanely jealous, suspicious, angry, and controlling wife, how do you think that’s going to work out?”- AfterSevenYears
“I kind of think YTA for telling your husband to ghost her.”
“I think that’s childish and likely to cause animosity (which will affect everyone as long as you’re neighbours).”
“Would you care if it was the kid’s dad asking for your husband’s help/expertise?”
“Do you have any reason to doubt your husband?”
“Whatever her motives might be (which realistically are not nefarious at all), he’s an adult and responsible for his actions, she can’t force your husband to act how she wants.”
“You should discuss with him things like making decisions without talking it over with you/family time/father and son time/obligations to your family taking precedence and things like that but do you really need to control who he is allowed to communicate with?”- Exciting-Egg4215
The OP isn’t alone in assuming that another woman wanting to spend time with her husband might not have the best intentions.
However, there’s also more than enough to suggest that Jane simply did want the OP’s husband to teach her son how to snowboard.
Whatever the situation, ghosting is definitely not the answer to solving this issue.
A civil conversation and setting of boundaries definitely is.