Even though weddings are the celebration of uniting two people in love, it seems safe to say that the bride is really the one in control.
Indeed, though the groom might offer his input here and there, the bride is most often the one with the final say when it comes to location, decor, food, and everything else.
Making it understandable that when something doesn’t go entirely to plan, the bride might react, shall we say, “passionately”?
Redditor Aintnosunshinehear made a decision to surprise his new wife at their wedding, and hoped that she would be touched by his gesture.
However, the bride was anything but touched by the original poster (OP)’s gesture, and wasn’t afraid to tell him so.
Shocked by his wife’s reaction, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole”, where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for singing a song to my wife at our wedding and making her angry?”
The OP explained how what he thought would be a sweet reference to when he and his wife were dating ended up going sour.
“I just got married last week.”
“My wife and I are both in our thirties.”
“I am Mexican, she is American, but we both grew up in the US and both our families know both languages.”
‘My wife planned every bit of the wedding and was a very controlling and nervous bride, but alright, I get that she was stressed.’
“During the reception I went to the band and asked them to play a song for me to sing to my new wife.”
“It was ‘Te Amare’ by Miguel Bose.”
“It was the song from out first date in a really bad Mexican restaurant, so it became a long standing joke between us.”
“The guests really loved the song, my MIL cried and told me it was beautiful, but my bride seemed upset.”
“I asked her what’s wrong and she said I am an AH for taking the spotlight to enforce my ethnicity and not just let the band sing our song for us.”
“Aita?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was in no way the a**hole for serenading his wife at their wedding.
Unlike his wife, Redditors were largely touched by the OP’s gesture, and everyone agreed that his wife was selfish for thinking he “stole the spotlight” from her, and that she felt he was “enforcing his ethnicity” was incredibly worrisome.
“NTA, what a weird way to view what happened.”- UnlikelyPlatypus9159
“NTA.”
“You sung a song that is significant to the two of you, at your own wedding.”
“This incident on its own is a bit of a red flag, that she reduced it to your ‘ethnicity’.”
“Even ignoring that it was a song that was actually significant to the two of you, does your culture and ethnicity disappear because you married an American woman? “
“Seems like a pretty racist reaction.”- kaishei
“NTA.”
“It’s your day to you know.”
“She should have just appreciated the moment and sentiment and found it funny and charming that you remembered.”- Blonde-Engineer-3
“NTA.”
“Is she normally like this, though?”
“What an odd reason for being upset.”
“I’m of Mexican descent and my husband is of Polish/German descent, so we worked on highlighting traditions from both sides at our wedding.”
“Although more from the Mexican side, since I follow more of my traditions than he does.”
“I know she may have been stressed, but it was your wedding, too.”
“Has she shown any indications of having an issue with Mexican heritage before?”
“You’ll want to find out now, before you have kids, if that is the case.”-fatedroses
“Ehmm… Miguel Bosé is not even Mexican.”
“And how did this ‘enforce’ your ethnicity?”
“Half of the guests were your family, or does her side didn’t know you were Mexican?”
“She didn’t want people to know that you speak Spanish?”
“NTA.”
“Yo le estarÃa preguntando exactamente qué le pasa, porque su argumento no tiene ni pies ni cabeza.”- onlytexts
“NTA.’
“It sounds like a very sweet and meaningful gesture, and your newly married bride should have been over the moon about it.’
‘You are definitely NTA.”- Odd-ball_Otter
“NTA.”
“And this is a very weird, and concerning, mentality to have.”
‘Enforce your ethnicity’?
“What the hell?”
“The wedding is both her and your day, so you get to fill it out, as well.”
“Trying to basically minimalize your impact on your own wedding day is a special piece of Bridezilla hell.”- HoldFastO2
“Her response is… Concerning.”
‘If she’s uncomfortable with your ethnic identity, Maybe you two shouldn’t be married / reproduce.”
‘Unless you’re uncomfortable with it too.”
‘Then the song was a really weird choice.’
‘So I’m assuming that’s not the case.”
“She said something weirdly racist at your wedding.”
“I’d call that a red flag.”
‘If it’s not the first one… Uhoh.”
“If it is… Maybe time for a hard conversation?”
“Definitely NTA.”- BigBayesian
“This sounds racially loaded, to put it mildly.”
“I hope you aren’t planning to raise kids with your wife, when this is her attitude to your heritage.”
‘NTA.”- excel_pager_420
‘NTA but this is a huge red flag, imo.”- AsuraRathalos
“No offense brother but your wife is a racist pig.”
‘She’s also controlling & manipulative.”
‘RUN!”
“It’s not too late.”
“She’ll be racist to your family and future children and it’s on you to protect them from this BS.”
“NTA.”- have_hope_
“NTA.”
“Unfortunately from day one or before you found that she can be controlling and needs tons of external validation.”
“Sadly this does not bode well for your marriage.”
“I wish you the best brother do not have a baby with her right away you may find out that this is not going to last.”
“Sorry.”-ManofLegacy
“NTA.”
‘It must be awful to realize your new wife is a racist deep down.”- Bibbyrat
“For one, it was your own wedding too and you can do what you like so NTA.”
“But ‘enforce your ethnicity’ .. wtf?”
“What an awful day to learn your now-wife is racist.”-BlazingApp965
“NTA and you just married a racist.”- ghostofumich2005
“NTA but you most likely just married someone with racist tendencies.”
“Good luck.”- SaikaTheCasual
“NTA, sounds like she’s racist and this is an assumption but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d pull the ‘you’re not like the others’ or ‘you’re pale (mestizo but I’m sure she doesn’t know that word so you’re okay)’ comments.”
“I’m sorry your super sweet gesture went unappreciated.”
‘You did nothing wrong.”- QuieroAlcapurrias
“NTA.”
“How could you possibly know some fun memory of your first date with your wife would actually upset her on your wedding day?”
“It was a sweet thing to do for her, a show of love at an event meant just for that.”
‘Wow/wtf about her ‘ethnicity’ comment.”
“She’s got stuff to explore for herself about her own issues with her/your heritage it seems.”-Goldfish2022
“Wow using ethnicity as a reason to be upset, big red flag, you really need to pay attention to these things in the new future especially before you consider having kids.”
‘I mean do you want your future kids to be judged by your wife’s ethnicity standards in the future.”-Sea-Ad9057
“Yikes OP.”
‘I just went to the COOLEST Blaxican wedding ever.”
“Bride was Black American groom Mexican American, and it had the perfect blend of both cultures from the music to the food, to the traditions incorporated.”
“And of course some American because they both are!”
“It was healthy, it was well planned out, it included them both, it makes me really sad you naturally created that with just you and the special song and then were chastised for it.”
“As an AfroLatina myself, I’m honestly BAFFLED that’s how she views your culture and natural expressions of it.”
“I get she was stressed, but what an awful and racist red flag to pop out when she didn’t control just a couple minutes of the event!”
“I wonder how many times before she’s resented your ethnicity and felt you were weaponizing it for attention when you were just being you.”
“NTA.”- tahtahme
“I think you married a covert racist.”
“’Reinforcing your ethnicity’ sounds like a real peach.”
“Best of luck.”-SexyFoodandFilms
“Wow.”
“NTA at all.”
“She showed her true colors and now you know what type of person you are married to.”- irishlife2016
“To enforce your ethnicity?”
“Wow.”
“NTA.”-Fit_Measurement_2420
“NTA.”
“She seems to have forgotten that weddings are about BOTH people.”
It’s upsetting enough that the OP’s wife felt he was overshadowing her by singing a song, which was meaningful to both of them, directly to her.
But if the fact that he was singing to her in Spanish was an issue, that’s outright cause for concern.
Hopefully they’ll be able to talk and get through this, otherwise a couple’s counselor might be in their future.