For some people, eating a balanced, nutritious diet is easy, as they tend to prefer eating healthy foods rather than stuffing their faces with potato chips and candy.
For others, eating healthy is a bit more of a challenge. Try as they might, they simply never find themselves craving healthy food and would much rather have a second slice of pizza to a side salad or steamed vegetables.
If adults sometimes have enough trouble eating healthy on their own, parents are faced with the even greater challenge of ensuring their children have a balanced diet.
Redditor KatieSimmons_ was grateful that her parents were willing to allow her and her children to move back in with them after they fell upon hard times.
What the original poster (OP) was less grateful for, however, was her mother’s choice of food for dinner, which she noticed not only negatively affected her children’s eating habits but also their health, leading the OP to confront her mother.
Wondering if she was being fair, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my mom she’s making me fat?”
The OP explained why she felt she finally had to call out her mother negatively affecting the lives of her children.
“A couple of years ago, I (34 F[emale]) lost my job due to the company I worked for going into financial trouble.”
“My husband at the time didn’t work, which caused us to struggle for money and eventually led to him abandoning me and our three children (9 F, 7 F, and 5 M[ale]).”
“Because of this, my parents (65 M and 64 F) offered to let us move back in with them for a while.”
“Everything was fine, but after a few weeks, I noticed that the food being given to us was both unhealthy and given in very large quantities.”
“I didn’t want to offend my mom so instead of bringing it up with her, I offered to do some of the cooking instead.”
“However, she insisted it was all done by her because she ‘enjoys it’.”
“Reluctantly, I obliged and just thought, ‘I’ll just leave most of it’.”
“The problem with this is that she started offering anything I didn’t eat to the children who ALWAYS ate ALL of it since they didn’t realize how bad it was for them.”
“I also didn’t want to talk about this with the children because creating a fear about gaining weight always does more harm than good.”
“This carried on for about a year before I finally brought it up with her.”
“I’ve gained almost 50 pounds and am now almost obese, and 2 of the children are clinically obese now as well, with the youngest still being firmly overweight.”
“All of them get a reasonable amount of exercise, but it makes little difference when they’re eating almost 3000 calories a day.”
“A few weeks ago, I watched their school sports day, and it was worrying how little they could run.”
“The two girls couldn’t even run 100m and had to walk the final part.”
“I told my mom she had to stop giving us so much unhealthy food, but she snapped at me and said I should be grateful that she’s even letting us stay there.”
“I hate conflict, so I ended up backing down, but I feel really bad about the effect it’s having on my kids.”
“Recently, the oldest one has been trying to avoid sport at all costs since she doesn’t enjoy it with the extra weight.”
“AITA for bringing it up with my mom?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP received little to no sympathy from the Reddit community, who unanimously agreed that the OP was, indeed, the a**hole for blaming her mother for her and her children’s worsening health.
Everyone agreed that the OP had no right to blame her mother for her or her children becoming obese, not only because she neglected to say or do anything the moment she saw this becoming a problem.
Many believed that she was a grown woman and needed to hold herself accountable for her decisions. Even if some felt the OP’s mother could have made more of an effort to cook healthier meals.
“YTA.”
“You’re a grown woman. Take some responsibility for the things you put in your and your kid’s mouths.”- Mobile_Prune_3207
“ESH.”
“Your mom because she’s causing the issue.”
“You because you won’t stand up for your kid’s health.”- PortiaLabiata
“YTA.”
“How can you neglect your kid to the point they are obese and blame it on your mom?”
“It was your responsibility to set boundaries.”
“This is your fault, not your mom.”- MaybeAWalrus
“YTA.”
“All I see is a lot of excuses of why you & your kids have gained weight.”
“Perhaps, Grandma is making loads of great food…..Moderation.”
“Kids can be taught moderation.”
“You should be speaking to your kids’ pediatrician.”- Alarming_Reply_6286
“YTA.”
“Couple of points.”
“Are you working now?”
“If not, why aren’t you offering to prep meals?”
“Have you at any point sat down with parents and gone through a weekly meal plan?”
“I told my mom she had to stop giving us so much unhealthy food, but she snapped at me and said I should be grateful that she’s even letting us stay there.”
“Honestly, she’s kinda right here.”
“I’d say the exact same if someone said that to me while they were living rent-free.”
“Why would I change my lifestyle to accommodate non-rent paying guests.”
“OP, you are 34 years old.”
“You are old enough to understand how and why humans put on weight.”
“You are smart enough to know the ways to lose it, I hope.”
“If you aren’t happy with the meal plan, then you can either start your own or move out.”
“I understand OP’s mom said no to offering help with meal prep.”
“I will say at this point it is on OP to implement their own meal plan.”
“Doesn’t matter than OP’s mom said they insist.”
“They are a mother first.”- RsHoneyBadger
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how things escalated, as well as clarifying some things about her situation.
“I brought it up again more harshly with my mom, but she refused to budge, so I took the kids to a pediatrician.”
“It went how you might expect.”
“They need to lose weight and have to cut down on how much they’re eating.”
“I explained the situation, and he wrote a note for my mom explaining the importance of the kids losing weight.”
“After reading some of the comments, I suggested I be in control of serving the food so she could still cook, but I had control of portions.”
“My mother wasn’t so keen on this, so we met in the middle and allowed the children to get their own servings.”
“Although they still took more than was probably healthy, it was less than before, so progress was made.”
“My mom still did my portion, and it was still very large, but I didn’t mention it and just ate it because I didn’t want to annoy her just when I was making progress.”
“After dinner, I managed to convince my two youngest children to come on a walk with me and my dad.”
“The walk wasn’t long, probably only about a mile, but it was a step in the right direction.”
“However, when I got home, my Mom told me she had given my oldest daughter who stayed behind seconds because she ‘looked hungry.'”
“I told her not to do that again, but she was pretty noncommittal, so I’m not sure I trust her.”
“And just to clear up a few misconceptions: I have a job, but it is basically minimum wage.”
“My mom is also obese or very nearly obese, so it isn’t just us it’s affecting.”
“I’ve spoken to my kids about how they don’t have to eat everything put In front of them.”
“I’ve also asked my mom if I can make a side dish on top of the meal she cooks.”
“Today I just made a light salad and put it out before any other food was out so the kids wouldn’t prioritize the less healthy food.”
“All of them ate the salad before my mom arrived and were allowed to serve themselves again.”
“They still all took more than I would’ve liked, but for the first time, my youngest complained about being full before finishing his plate.”
“Before my mother could say anything, I took his plate and put all the remaining food onto my own.”
“I knew dumping it in the bin would cause a row, so I just ate it myself so I wouldn’t undo any progress with my mom.”
“My oldest 2 ate their portions and the salad, but at least they got something healthy into their bodies.”
“It turns out they get quite sluggish after eating dinner, so I didn’t push them to exercise today and am going to go for walks with them before dinner instead next time.”
“I’m also in contact with a friend of mine to see if I can stay in their house for a few months before I get a place of my own (hopefully before the end of the year).”
Perhaps the saddest thing about the OP’s situation is her need to blame someone for the way things turned out rather than be more proactive about addressing it.
Ultimately, even if her mother wasn’t preparing healthy food, she also wasn’t forcing the OP and her children to eat more than they wanted to.
We hope the OP can help their kids prioritize everyone’s health and fitness journey.