There aren’t many worse feelings than being the odd one out.
Whether it’s because you’re the only singleton in a group full of couples, having a job which pays considerably less than everyone else, or have a seemingly less impressive career or upbringing, there are several situations leading to a potential rise in insecurities.
Such was the case for Redditor Umya**queen29, who found herself left out at her boyfriend’s birthday party.
But having doubts about her behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to leave my boyfriend’s birthday party that I arranged for because his doctor friends wanted to discuss ‘Medical stuff’?”
The OP first revealed how she has always felt insecure whenever she finds herself with her boyfriend’s friends.
So for context my (f[emale] 29) boyfriend (bf, m[ale] 34) is a doctor.”
“Most of his friends are from work and they all seem to dislike me and act distant maybe cause I’m not a doctor too?”
“I don’t know, and don’t care honestly, since we started dating they’ve been asking to hang out without me and they leave any event I’m at.”
“My boyfriend said they’re just taking their time to get used to me.”
But the OP was willing to put this aside for her boyfriend on his birthday, planning a special celebration for him.
“Anyways, His B-day was days ago, I’d arranged for the party and paid for everything.”
“It wasn’t a surprise since the party was held at the restaurant, and he needed heads up so he could invite his doctor friends.”
But once the party started, the OP found herself in very familiar and unpleasant, territory.
“We got there then his friends started arriving.”
“They came to greet him and started shaking his hand and hugging him while completely ignoring me though I was there next to him!”
“The tension started when one of them started making remarks about the way I dressed.”
“I sucked it up but another friend started interrogating me about my degree then implying I was an ignorant for my food choice (wtf?).”
“An hour later another one asked if I could leave because they wanted to discuss work stuff and it’s confidential.”
“I was so shocked, I laughed asking why he thought it was appropriate to discuss work during a party and he replied that I had an ‘attitude’.”
“An argument ensued and they ‘demanded’ that I leave but I said absolutely not.”
“My boyfriend finally spoke up after it escalated and asked that I keep the peace and go home but I refused and reminded him and let his friends know that I’d arranged for this party and paid for it and so they should leave since they’re just ‘guests’.”
“He pulled me aside and begged I go home after they said if I don’t leave then they will but I still refused.”
“They left, all of them and the party was cut short.”
“My boyfriend was upset and started complaining at home that I ruined his birthday the minute I started arguing with his friends.”
“I told him they were being disrespectful to me but he said I was wrong too cause they said they wanted to discuss medical stuff and I should’ve respected that and not made it ‘personal’.”
“He’s not speaking to me now, I was so hurt I couldn’t argue anymore, I felt like I ruined his birthday by making a scene like he said and acting pass-aggressive.”
“The reaaon I refused to leave was because I figured they used the ‘medical stuff discussion’ as an excuse to get me to leave early.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Redditors unanimously agreed the OP was not the a**hole in refusing to leave the party she planned and paid for.
Everyone was appalled by the ingratitude and selfishness of the OP’s boyfriend and his friends, with several going so far as to encourage the OP to end the relationship.
“Are you dating Satan?”
“What type of boyfriend asks you to leave the birthday dinner you paid for! “
“Feel the joy that you ruined his stupid birthday and dump him ASAP!”
“You know your bf doesn’t respect you, right?”
“He clearly cares more about his doctor friends.”
“If you remain together, he will keep hiding you in his backroom.”
“He should be the one to apologize for not standing up to you.”
“Dump his sore butt, he can have his doctor friends, you can do better.”
“If you take him back for some reason, make sure he pays for your bday party and then ask him out to have a girls only night.”-tatasz
“What the hell.”
“Who in their right mind walks into the party as a guest and asks the birthday boy’s girlfriend to leave because you want to talk about a certain topic, the actual audacity of it all why would anyone go somewhere that is public with other people there and expect everyone to just f*cking leave at your convenience”
“Then your BF asks you to leave too wtf, just change the topic.”
“He needs to grow a backbone stand up to them and also treat you with respect.”- GreenHedgehog2.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”
“He chose his ‘friends’ although you arranged everything.”
“Asking you to leave was incredibly rude – and that is without you hosting.”
“You deserve someone who treats you better.”- tarnishau14.
“Use that red flag as a cape and fly away.”
“The problem isn’t your bf’s friends.”
“It’s your bf.”
“He doesn’t respect you and he’s unwilling to stand up for you.”
“If someone had talked to my wife that way, he’d be tossed out of the house, but your guy couldn’t even bother to argue in your favor.”
“Maybe find someone else who actually likes and respects you.”- Hi_Im_Dadbot
“What is your bf thinking?”
“By the title I thought that you meant they were discussing ‘doctor stuff’ as being too graphic, and I was still siding with you because it’s true that people involved in the medical field can get a quite graphic at times due to being desensitized to talk about guts, feces, and blood.”
“But it wasn’t even that, it was way worse.”
“I would consider this a turning point in your relationship.”
“You tried to talk to him and he doubled down and tried to make it your fault.”
“This is something that will keep on happening, not just the part criticizing you but also telling you to leave from get togethers and excluding you.”
“Stop and think if this is the future you want for yourself.”
“I hope you give him a last bday gift by adding an ex in front of bf.”-Slow-Bumblebee-8609.
Indeed, that the OP’s boyfriend didn’t even think of coming to her defense, even after she threw a party for him is shocking to say the least.
Let’s hope he’s preparing an epic apology for her, or he will most likely find himself without a girlfriend at his next birthday.