The way we treat each other in a relationship can say a lot about who we are as people.
Are we cruel? Kind? Aloof?
What happens when you take offense to something someone did, you mention it to them, and they decide that you were the villain all along?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) OilProfessionalxx when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for making a scene at my sister’s wedding, which she spent more than 10k on, over a joke?”
OP began with the good news.
“My sister (24f) got married last week.”
“Her wedding was very well planned out-; we received invitations six months before, and my sister poured about 10,000$ into this wedding- and that’s without catering costs added.”
“She also invited over 100 people- it was an ethnic wedding, so there were some friends of friends.”
“The ceremony was beautiful.”
“There were so many pictures taken, and everyone was having a great time. I dream of eating the food I ate there just once again in my life. Even the rehearsal dinner a week before was magical.”
“The issue came after my sister and her husband said ‘I do’- it was the reception.”
“The cake was cut, and everything was great.”
“They were laughing and having a good time, and then they went back up and said their speeches.”
Then she got to the bad news.
“Her husband’s speech was touching with a humorous twist. When it came time for her to say hers, however, things went south.”
“She started off great, making a few jokes about a few family members.”
“Nothing harmful. But then it got to me.”
“She made a joke about considering having a dry wedding because I was ‘such an addict.’ To clarify, I have struggled with alcohol addiction, and she is well aware.”
“She was never really supportive of my recovery journey because she always saw me as an addict.”
“My sister has this idea that once you struggle with an addiction, you go crazy and lose control if you get the chance again. No matter if you recover or not, in her eyes, you’re always an addict.”
OP explained how the situation affected her.
“Everyone laughed, and I felt humiliated.”
“She was laughing too and then continued.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt her, so I just waited. I felt like crying and screaming at the same time. It was a rage yet sadness I’d never experienced before.”
She tried to communicate.
“After her speech, I spoke up.”
“I brought her somewhere private.”
“I told her that I didn’t appreciate her joke that it wasn’t funny and that I felt she humiliated me.”
Communication did not go well.
“She got so angry and started yelling things like ‘I have a whole wedding waiting for me back there, who do you think you are to bring me here and waste my time’ and ‘It’s just a joke, don’t be so pissy”. ‘
“She accused me of ruining her wedding and started screaming. She left back to the ceremony, and I just stood there.”
“Once I came back, everyone was staring at me, and my sister was sobbing in my dad’s arms.”
“My dad proceeded to yell at me, telling me I ruined my sister’s wedding and made a scene. I yelled back, and when I noticed a lot of people were watching, I got angry and left.”
“Now all my family’s mad at me, and they won’t stop sending me texts telling me I should apologize. I don’t want to.”
OP was left to wonder,
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
The Golden Child.
“Golden child vs scapegoat.”
“You can tell by how the dad (at this particular incident and in the past) sided with the bride over OP despite the bride being the one to cause the incident.” ~ mumpie
“This is exactly what I thought.”
“The parents say that OP should ‘try to understand her.’ Why does the sister need understanding here, as she isn’t the one who struggled.”
“She’s definitely a golden child. OP is NTA.” ~ AffectionateGolf6032
“NTA, but your sister is, and I’m guessing she’s the golden child.”
“Why on earth did she think it was appropriate to bring up her sister’s addiction in her wedding speech?”
“Of all the things in the world to focus on, that was it?”
“I am so angry on your behalf!”
“You did absolutely the right thing and in such a dignified way. I would’ve flounced out of there after that ‘joke’ and not returned.” ~ Princess-She-ra
Others were just shocked at the sister’s behavior.
“I just wonder how the hell she could even take the time out of a supposedly happy event to humiliate someone.”
“It must have been hard for OP to get clean, considering his sister and father’s attitude.” ~ TheLastWord63
“The sister is definitely TA –“
“Who uses the microphone at your own wedding to make fun of your family?”
“She sounds like trash.” ~ Responsible_Phase907
“‘The sister is definitely TA — who uses the microphone at your own wedding to make fun of your family?”‘
“You’re only supposed to make fun of cute things your family members did as kids, like when your sibling had pretend weddings to marry the cat.”
“Or when you said that you would never get married because you were going to be a unicorn when you grew up. But definitely not serious issues like addiction.” ~ BlueViolet81
“‘She was the one who decided to act out in public.”‘
“And ngl, had I been there for the entire thing as a guest?”
“I would have been most horrified by the speech”
“A ‘joke’ like that and I would have immediately felt incredibly uncomfortable, and my opinion of her as a person would immediately have changed.”
“The outburst afterward drawing attention? Still not as bad as her speech” ~ hwutTF
“And who makes a joke about a relative or guest in attendance at their wedding?”
“This wasn’t a roast.”
“Stand up, politely thank your guests for coming, share a beautiful story related to the person you just married, and sit down.”
“I would venture to guess the bride had the contents of her speech planned out, so this was a premeditated attack.”
“Then, after being respectfully called out for her unkindness, she plays the victim, and the family panders to her.”
“You are NTA.”
“Your sister made you the butt of a cruel, public joke.”
“You did nothing to invite or deserve that treatment.”
“If your sister was able to appear miserable at her wedding, she likely relished it.”
“Being able to put on a show of breaking down in front of everyone in attendance allowed her to cast herself as the star in her own self-inflicted tragedy.”
“My gut says that she loves being in the family spotlight, and your parents are only too happy to oblige her. Your sister owes you a deep and heartfelt apology.”
“If she cannot give that to you, then she’s done you a favor by refusing to speak to you.” ~ MrDarcysDead
You’re only hurting yourself.
“She caused a scene. You took it private.”
“No scene there, she reacted publicly, aka making a scene.”
“Now a scene won’t always ruin a wedding, but she made this.”
“She started it. Timing was good. A lesson she won’t forget.”
“Learning it won’t probably change much. Next time? Tell her off when she announces a pregnancy or something.”
“NTA” ~ tango421
“If she hadn’t made a giant scene herself, there would have been no reason for anyone to expect the interaction was anything other than two siblings sharing a private moment of congratulations together.”
“I would absolutely never raise my eyebrows or think twice about a close family member wanting a quiet moment with the bride or groom- naturally!”
“Of course, they want that!”
“If the bride wants to talk with her sibling for a moment before continuing on with the party, of course!”
“It’s her day! And I even think OP was right to pull her aside quietly and immediately while the action was still fresh, so as not to let it fester.”
“The whole thing could have been over with a quick, simple ‘you’re right; that joke was thoughtless, I’m sorry.’ Done.”
“I feel pretty confident that OP would have let it go at that.”
“Instead, the sister chose to throw a hissy fit and ruin her own damn wedding. Sister is fully and completely TA here, from the tasteless joke to the unnecessary dramatics.” ~ _higglety
She did return with some clarity and gratitude.
“Based on the comments, I would like to clarify a few things.”
“I think I may be the a**hole because once I left and saw my dad, he started yelling at me, and I yelled back.”
“I feel that if I’d just left, I wouldn’t have caused a scene.”
“I also would like to say this is not the first time my sister has made a distasteful comment about my addiction struggles, and my parents excuse her every time.”
“They tell me they don’t agree with her, but I should ‘put up with her’ and ‘understand her.’ Thank you.”
“For one, I would like to thank everyone for the kind words, upvotes, and comments.”
“Your words have given me a lot of peace because I know that someone out there doesn’t see me as a bad person.”
“However, I made this edit to offer more information based on a comment I saw and comments like it that I may not have seen.”
“When I was struggling with an addiction, I wasn’t living in the same city as any of my family- which is part of why I started drinking in the first place.”
“I’d just moved to a new city, far from all of my family, so I turned to the only thing that helped me feel better, or at least feel less.”
“My family were not victims of my addiction- they didn’t even know what I was going through.”
“To them, I disappeared for a bit and then reemerged with a wonderful new skill under my belt- sobriety.”
Remember to treat others with respect – and never judge an experience that you weren’t a part of.