We all want to be pampered on our special days.
Anniversaries and birthdays and wedding days all fall into this category, and all come with some social expectation of being just a bit spoiled.
What happens, though, when someone takes that idea just a little too far?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Odd-Giraffe3232 when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
“AITA for not helping my sister with her wedding because I’m not in the bridal party?”
She began with some background.
“My sister and I aren’t best friends, but we have a pretty good relationship.”
“Good enough that when she got engaged, I assumed that I would either be MOH or at least a bridesmaid.”
“She ended up not asking me despite having a bridal party of 10, but I didn’t say anything even though I was a little hurt.”
“I totally get that it’s her wedding and that I’m not entitled to be in her wedding party, and eventually got over it.”
“A little afterward, my best friend got engaged and asked me to be MOH, and I happily dived into the responsibility, and it’s been a lot of fun for the both of us.”
“I’ve already been able to plan and execute a lot that has both made the experience fun for my friend and also a lot less stressful.”
Then she got to the situation at hand.
“Onto the issue:”
“My sister’s MOH honestly dropped the ball.”
“(I know I’m going to be biased, but I’ve received complaints from family members and other friends).”
“She hasn’t put any effort into helping my sister with her wedding, didn’t plan anything, never responds to my sister’s messages, and just generally isn’t interested at all.”
“None of my sister’s other bridesmaids are stepping up either (they all have a reason for why they can’t spend more time on my sis’s wedding).”
“My sister recently approached me to plan everything for her: bridal shower, bachelorette, and the actual wedding.”
“She wants me to give her the same experience I’ve given my friend.”
OP explained her perspective.
“I was a little offended because she only asked me after she saw what a great job I did for someone else.”
“But she’s my sister, so I told her I’d be willing to help if she made me a bridesmaid.”
“I feel like it’s the least she could do, and it would make me feel less like an errand girl and really part of the wedding.”
“She refused and said that I’d make the numbers off and that I didn’t have ‘the look’ she was trying to accomplish, which REALLY offended me. Like at this point I’m just pissed.”
“So I said fine, I don’t have to be part of the wedding, but then she needs to hire me as a wedding planner because I’m not doing this for free.”
“It takes a huge time commitment to do all of this work!”
“She went crying to mom and dad now, and they’ll all calling me an AH because I should do it as a sister.”
“But she’s basically asking me to do hours of work for free, which I feel isn’t fair.”
OP was left to wonder,
“Now my family is saying that I’m ruining her special day by being selfish and making it all about me, so I’m starting to doubt myself.”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some laid judgment on the parents.
“The fact that your parents are siding with her after she said you didn’t fit the look is straight-up ghoulish.” ~ CreamdedCorns
“It’s appalling to me that her sister even asked.”
“I would flip it around on my parents and say I was offended she broke etiquette protocol asking a non-bridesmaid to plan her shower and bachelorette party!” ~ Countrach
Others were shocked at the whole family’s behavior.
“Everything the sister did was bad enough but when it got to the part where she said ‘you don’t fit the look I want for my wedding’ it was clear that sis is TA.”
“And she expects OP to plan her wedding for free after being awful to her just because they’re family.”
“I don’t think she understands how family works.”
“On top of all this, the parents choose to support the sis.”
“I feel bad for OP for how they’re being treated by the whole family. I would consider not attending the wedding at all after all this.” ~ bakedalcohol
“Do the parents know what sister said about OP though? Chances are that sister told her side of the story with the insult left out.”
“NTA. Let her figure it out herself. She basically said you’re not attractive enough for her wedding. Honestly, I would tell your parents to butt out too. You have feelings too.” ~ stevebo0124
Commenters expressed their feelings about their sister’s ‘the look’ comment.
“Yep… she wanted human-shaped props instead of people who were reliable, responsible, enthusiastic, etc. And it sounds like that’s exactly what she got.” ~ calliatom
“And neither the MOH or any of the numerous bridesmaids are willing to lift a finger knowing that it’s more than an ‘honor’ being part of the wedding party, it has some responsibilities too.”
“So sister is still having all of these people stay as bridesmaids/MOH even though they just pissed her off? Why are any of these unhelpful bridesmaids not being cut from the wedding?”
“Since sister stiffed OP to begin with, and now has added insult to injury, OP is absolutely right in refusing to help, NTA.”
“Let the parents yowl, they can shell out the money for a wedding planner or just down-size whole wedding plan to something sister can manage to put together herself.”
“There are 10 bridesmaids who could be uninvited, save their meals and a few bottles of champagne.”
“See, planning a stripped-down wedding is kind of easy when you have lousy friends. NTA.” ~ farsical111
“See I’m more confused about OP not having ‘The Look’ like….they’re sisters.”
“They probably look somewhat similar?”
“(I know, i know, siblings aren’t identical and sometimes end up looking completely different. My own siblings and i have that from having different fathers, but as a general rule, siblings generally look similar).”
“What ‘look’ is she going for?????” ~ Tricky_Time_515
There were several personal stories.
“My SIL got married this year and due to world circumstances, the venue she had booked sold up, and she had to find somewhere new.”
“This meant she lost a load of money and needed to find somewhere last minute.”
“She wanted a proper princess wedding but couldn’t afford all the bells and whistles anymore, so she made it herself.”
“All the flowers given to people, an arc for people to take pictures in, just lots of little things she wanted.”
“She didn’t expect anyone else to do them for her, the very least OP’s sis could do is anything” ~ Idioteva
“I had a costumed wedding and my family came as jellyfish. They had clear umbrellas strung with lights, they were so beautiful.”
“I was a snow monkey. We were married by sushi and we had a ring bear.” ~ octopusboots
Commenters pointed out that the bride and groom were responsible for the wedding.
“If OP’s sister and OP’s future spouse aren’t able to plan the wedding themselves they need to hire a professional wedding planner.”
“The bride needs to step up and do the research, planning, and communication for those events.”
“She can ask for help on specific tasks e.g. if she wanted her bridal parties’ input on decisions, but that’s not OPs job.”
“Also, your sister is shallow for picking bridesmaids based on looks.”
“That makes it less surprising that out of TEN people no one is really helping plan the bachelorette party.” ~ makeitrainbowtrout
“Yeah, I think we have a clue as to why the other bridesmaids aren’t ‘stepping up’…bride’s trying to foist the whole thing off on them.”
“No one is ever going to be as invested in your wedding as you are.”
“The bridal party is there to support you in the event you are throwing, not to do it all for you.”
“Honestly, people have gotten so insane over weddings, and I don’t even go anymore if I can help it” ~ aLittleQueer
“When did it become that MOH and Bridesmaids had to plan all this stuff for Brides?”
“I wasn’t married that long ago (2015) and honestly didn’t expect them to plan anything if they didn’t want to.”
“I had a very low-key shower followed by a bachelorette the same day.”
“And I planned my wedding, not them. I am sorry she is so rude and especially ‘the look’ comment.”
“So essentially anyone in her bridal party is there for their looks and what she is trying to accomplish. Definitely NTA.” ~ Kalexn
While we all want to be pampered a bit on our special days, we have to remember that we’re not entitled to it.
Be kind to the people that go out of their way for you, and if they do offer up some pampering, try to accept it with grace.