in , ,

Woman Asks If She’d Be Wrong To Tell Boyfriend’s Dad To Stop Messaging Her Nineteen-Year-Old Sister

Photo by Beth Macdonald/Unsplash

Family dynamics are an ever evolving situation.

It’s especially tricky when families blend, like when significant others’ families and loved ones begin to meet and become a part of one another’s lives.

New relationships are formed, and not always for the better.

Which can be stressful for the couple in the center.

Case in point…

Redditor Romhaelwanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for asking my boyfriend to tell his dad to stop texting my younger sister?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Quick background, me F[emale] 23, and boyfriend M[ale] 23 have been together for 6 years.”

“I’ve known his family for the same amount of time and we get along, his dad is usually very quiet and we’ve maybe had 10 conversations in all 6 years my bf and I have been together.”

“Recently, about a month ago, he added my sister F19 on Facebook after he found out she likes to collect dolls.”

“She buys, sells, and trades collectors dolls on Facebook and he saw one of her listings.”

“My boyfriend’s dad is a big collector, WW2 memorabilia, midcentury items, etc.”

“So he was, I guess interested that she did the same.”

“It started out normal, he asked about her collecting, talked about his antique shopping and told her that he wanted to meet my family (something he has never said to me).”

“As the month has gone on however, he has begun messaging her all day every day even saying good morning and good night.”

“This week he even invited her to go thrift shopping and to dinner with him, which I invited myself to because I didn’t want her to go alone which is maybe paranoia because I’ve had too many bad experiences with older men.”

“What really weirds me out is that he will talk badly about his wife, myself, and my boyfriend to her and he bought her a Christmas gift (which he has never done for me) and now he’s asking her to hang out with him?”

“A message that really stands out to me is when he sent a photo of some girl on an old comic and said ‘this beautiful little lady looks just like you.’”

“I know I probably sound crazy, but why does a 50 something year old man want to talk to a 19 year old all day when he has shown 0 interest in myself and really even his own son.”

“It doesn’t feel like he just wants to get to know my family when he has never brought that up to me.”

“I finally told my boyfriend about it and he really hates confrontation so I feel bad asking him to say something.”

“I just don’t want to damage my relationship if no one else thinks this situation is weird.”

“So AITA?”

“My sister, when asked, will laugh awkwardly about it and say it’s a little weird but she ‘thinks he’s lonely’.”

“So she continues texting him.”

“She’s never had close friends due to her having a hard time reading social situations and struggles with feeing lonely so I worry about her judgement here.”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole. 

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA! Uhhhh this is extremely unsettling behavior.”

“You should definitely listen to your instinct of wanting to protect your sister.”

“Even IF he doesn’t have any nefarious intentions, BF dad should still be able to recognize that this is odd behavior.”

“Especially if you/your BF tells him it’s making you uncomfortable.”

“Have you talked to your sister about it at all? What does she think about their correspondence?”  ~ RedactedOatmeal

“OMG, NTA, this is so creepy and she’s vulnerable if she has difficulty with social situations.”

“In no way are you being unduly rude or judgemental.”

“You should straight up tell her she absolutely cannot trust him, and beg her to listen to you on this because there’s no way he won’t physically make a move on her eventually if they keep hanging out.”  ~amberlc002

“Girls are still conditioned to carry emotional baggage for the men around them.”

“Tell your sister that his behavior is not ok and it’s NOT her responsibility to be his friend.”

“If he is lonely he can find friends his own age!”

“I’m sure it’s hard for her not to feel bad for him, but even in the best case scenario it is troubling behavior for a middle aged man to seek friendship from a teenager.” ~ mystikspiral72

“You’re NTA at all.”

“This is a good chance to talk to your sister about the fact that someone else being ‘lonely’ does not mean she has to do ANYTHING.”

“Dangerous people often use guilt or sympathy to manipulate.”

“If you have to tell his wife. Make a big deal. Protect that sister.”  ~ offgomi

“The innocent answer is he’s lonely, and it may be true, or partly true, but there is enough smoke here to worry about there being fire.”

“You are doing the right thing by being concerned.”

“Unfortunately since they are both adults there is also only so much you can do AND I can easily see confronting you BF’s dad reacting badly to any insinuation he is doing something wrong, so be prepared to deal with that.”

“Best idea is for your BF to talk to him first and try to reason with him how inappropriate this can seem.”

“But again absolutely NTA for your very valid concerns.”  ~ urzu_seven

“Also… Your boyfriend needs to talk to his mom.”

“This is weird and creepy of his father and I worry he will continue with other younger, vulnerable women and girls.”

“NTA.” ~ Prydeb4thefall

“I’m trying to figure out how OP thinks she could even remotely be the AH in this situation.”

“If a 50 year old man was harassing my teenage sister for selfies, asking her out to dinner, and bad mouthing the rest of the family in a (very sloppy and obvious) attempt to isolate her, he’d be heading for a major a** beating.”

“That’s textbook predator behavior.”

“People need to read ‘the Gift of Fear’ and start trusting their instincts.”

“If someone is acting creepy, you’re not being paranoid by confronting them.”

“They’re being creepy. NTA.”  ~The_Spiral11

Our OP took some time to read through responses and decided to take action.

She came back around to give details.

“After reading the messages myself and seeing him send her selfies, ask for selfies of her, make comments like ‘I’m sure you’re too busy with your boyfriends for me,’ and so on, my family sat her down and she’s going to block him.”

“I was on the fence until I saw the messages myself, having been through similar situations myself all the alarm bells went off in my head.”

“She ended up admitting that she was uncomfortable but said she would feel guilty if ignoring him ended up damaging my relationship with my boyfriend and so she kept entertaining it.”

“My boyfriend is talking to him and telling him that he crossed a major line regardless of if he realized it.”

“None of us know if his mom knows but I don’t think we will involve her.”

And then other people got involved…

He told his mom and now she is confronting him.”

I can’t believe we’re on a cliffhanger.

Hopefully OP comes back for another update.

No matter what happens… Reddit helped this young lady out.

Hopefully this situation resolves itself peacefully.