With many people out of work during the pandemic—and with the scarcity of employment opportunities because of this—people are finding unorthodox ways to earn money.
How far will you go for some extra cash?
Redditor Throwraslutbag found out that her boyfriend was presented with an opportunity for a large sum of dough in exchange for sex and said "yes." But when the 22-year-old Original Poster (OP) found out there was more to this gentlemen's agreement, she felt disgusted.
She turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit and wrote:
"I just found out that my boyfriend (22) had a friend offer him $5,000 for a 3 way with us and he accepted."
She explained:
"So to keep it short and sweet, my boyfriend is a pretty popular barber in our city and has been doing at home cuts since [the pandemic] started."
"We have a nice sized porch so people can walk around and get a haircut when they want. That being said, there's been a lot of guys coming over and hanging out with him Because a lot of his clients he's also good friends with."
"Yesterday at the end of the night we were sitting on the couch waiting tv and he started laughing at his phone."
"I was curious and asked what he was laughing at and he scoffed it off sorta so I obviously was extra curious and asked again. He sighed and said I'd be mad if he told me."
"I got over it and went to bed but it was bothering me so I asked him again, he said that his friend, Tom well say is his name, who we've been friends with since 2014, made a comment to him about swinging."
"I asked him what he meant and that's when he admitted that Tom offered him 5,000 to swing so that he could sleep with me and that my bf could be there too, and my boyfriend actually accepted the offer."
"He said he was waiting for the right time to ask me but didn't think I'd care at all because we're broke right now and I've 'always had a thing with Tom.'"
"Which makes me more sick because I'm not attracted to Tom at all and even if I was, I don't wanna be pimped out."
"I feel so sad and insulted."
Strangers on the internet weighed in.
"He practically just pimped you." – Andyn87
The OP said:
"That's what I said and he said it's not like that cuz it's consensual???"
"So is prostitution but it's still prostitution (which I'm totally okay with) but ??"
A Redditor replied consent was not received.
"It's not consensual though! You never agreed to it. Do not sleep with Tom and dump your boyfriend. Wtf."
"Why did no one even think to ask you about any of this? I'm so disgusted for you." – Pixiepixie21
"You couldn't provide consent because he didn't tell you until after the 'deal' (ugh) was made."
"He's gaslighting you into thinking that YOU'RE the problem, when in actuality he has accurately shown that he values $5000 over you, your relationship, and any trust that you placed in each other."
"He's an idiot, a wannabe pimp, and a dickhead all rolled together, you'd be well rid of him." – Craftiest_Butcher
"It doesn't really make sense, as he also said he was waiting for the right moment to ask you, not tell you."
"Either he didn't communicate the part about "accepting" correctly (maybe he means he conditionally accepted, pending your approval), or didn't communicate the part about waiting to 'ask you' correctly, and meant the right time to tell you."
"But yeah, nothing consensual if he agreed to the offer on your behalf. How would either him or Tom think that's ok without asking you?"
"So not cool. And he was laughing about this before telling you? Wtf??" – bobi2393
"Shut it down and get out. Boyfriend doesn't respect you, your ability to make choices, or your bodily autonomy."
"He made a BUNCH of erroneous assumptions...as in talked to a friend, accepted an assignation, then laughingly told you he /sold/ you to a friend (he 'knew you were into' w/out asking you) for sex...but he'd be there."
"So that makes it cool! No. Not acceptable. Whether that's something you'd be into or not, under the right circumstances, isn't the question. He thinks this is acceptable and FUNNY?! Learn from my mistakes, darling. Please. Get. Out. Now." – LadyThursdayBruja
"Ew, ew, ew. WTF is the matter with your bf?!! WOW! I had to reread this, (I have nothing against people in the sex industry and I mean no disrespect in my next statement) so he's basically okay with selling your body for money?"
"NO, NOT YOU SELLING IT! BUT HIM SELLING IT pimping you out for money when things are tough?"
"I actually think he would have agreed even if things were not tough, I'm sorry your boyfriend and his friend are no different than those sex traffickers out there who take advantage of their victims." – ILoveMyestry
"Ask him if he really wants to be your pimp. Because he is setting you up to be whore."
"This will get around. Does he think so little of you that you will sleep with someone for money, and just his being there made it okay. Being broke doesn't mean you will do anything especially when it goes against your values."
"I'd also say that is way too small amount and HE would still be broke cuz not a penny would go in his pocket or towards bills it will be the deposit on your new place." – Neenerfa
Redditors were shocked at the boyfriend's audacity. He placed more value on money than his relationship.
His failure to realize consent is when each person says yes, not when just he does.
Woman With Cerebral Palsy Livid After Husband's Doctor Questions Why He Married Her
In the search for comprehensive medical care, people may have tough conversations about their lifestyle, work, relationships, and other potential stressors.
But a doctor can only make so many decisions on behalf of their patient, cautioned the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor _lucky96 was seeing the same doctor as her husband, so their doctor was aware of both of their medical histories and needs, including her having cerebral palsy.
But when the doctor brought up her condition during her husband's latest appointment and questioned their marriage, the Original Poster (OP) was appalled and wanted to find a new medical care provider.
She asked the sub:
The OP had cerebral palsy and a full life.
"I have cerebral palsy. It mainly affects my walking, but I can walk independently and live a pretty normal life."
"My husband and I have been together for three years and have a blended family with five kids altogether. Three of my kids aren’t biologically his."
The OP and her husband just started seeing a new doctor.
"We’ve both recently started seeing the same general practitioner (GP)." I’ve seen him about three times now and generally thought he was helpful."
"I had noticed he seemed very interested in my disability and would often ask questions about it and whether I had support, but I assumed he was just being thorough."
In the OP's eyes, the doctor crossed a line.
"Today, my husband had an appointment with the same doctor for stomach issues."
"During the appointment, mental health apparently came up as part of the discussion, but the appointment itself wasn’t for mental health."
"I wasn’t in the room because I was outside with our daughter. According to my husband, the doctor asked him, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"My husband said because he loves me, and then the doctor apparently said something along the lines of, 'With her disability and five kids, that’s a lot to take on. You realise when she’s older, you’ll have a lot to do as she ages.'"
"My husband thinks I’m overreacting because they had been discussing different stressors in his life, and believes the doctor was just talking about responsibilities and support systems."
"I understand that possibility, but I can’t get past how hurtful it feels to hear my disability described as something my husband 'took on' or as a future burden he’ll have to manage."
"The doctor also said, 'Not many men would do what you do, you’re a good man.'"
The OP was upset about the conversation her husband shared.
"What bothers me most is that the conversation wasn’t even about me, and I wasn’t there to respond or provide any context."
"I feel like the comments reduced me to my disability rather than seeing me as a wife, parent, and person."
"Am I wrong for being upset by this and considering raising it with the clinic, or does this sound inappropriate?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that the doctor's comments were highly inappropriate.
"That’s highly inappropriate. You are NOR." - Direction_Physical
"NOR. You are not overreacting at all. That was completely inappropriate and dehumanizing."
"You’re his patient’s wife, not his patient, while your husband is in that room. Bringing up your disability and five kids during your husband’s stomach appointment had nothing to do with his care."
"Saying you’re 'a lot to take on' and 'not many men would do what you do' frames your marriage like a charity case, and you like a burden instead of a partner."
"That’s ableist, unprofessional, and a violation of basic boundaries."
"It makes sense that you feel reduced to just your disability after hearing that."
"Raising it with the clinic is absolutely reasonable. You deserve a doctor who treats you as a whole person, not a problem for your husband to manage." - DaringDuvet
"This makes me so stabby. I’m non-verbal and have right-sided weakness."
"We were married 29 years before it happened, and the number of people who think my husband needs a medal and a parade for sticking around..."
"Don’t get me wrong. My husband is one of life’s truly good dudes. But seriously?" - sorenelf
"This is infuriating. He's a good man because he didn't ditch?"
"When my mum was diagnosed with cancer that wasn’t going to do the polite thing and get fixed, the amount of applause for my dad not leaving her was astounding."
"He was horrified at first, but that wore off pretty quickly, and he just started calling it out. That made quite a few people squirm in their own discomfort."
"It says a lot about someone who thinks a natural choice is to bail." - BasicLingonberry9914
"NOR in the slightest."
"Even if we assume good intent and the doctor wanted to make sure there are safety nets and supports in place for both of you, that has NOTHING to do with the question of why your husband married you."
"I would absolutely file a complaint, and if you both can, find another general practitioner." - ooooohcakepudding
"NOR. I have severe Aphakia, and if my specialist looked at my husband to remind him he's going to be growing old with someone who is likely going to go blind, I think I would die."
"My husband had been through h**l and back with me and my eyes long before we got married, so he knows what he signed up for. And it isn't the doc's place to sort out. Super duper unprofessional." - Global-Nature2420
"So at first, I thought you were overreacting. I am a mental health provider, and a doctor discussing stressors and very real-life situations happens all the time."
"The minute you added the part that 'not many men,' things changed. He took what could have been a normal conversation and changed it to his personal feelings, which is absolutely disgusting."
"NOR at all. I would file a complaint." - Trash_Human92
Others pointed out that it was an important conversation to have, though the doctor could have been more delicate.
"While tough, this isn't an inappropriate conversation to have if the stress is causing his health to deteriorate."
"The truth is not inappropriate. I think the way he worded it was a bit much, but not what he said."
"It appears to me the OP is not dealing with how her disability is not just about her, but everyone, etc. For example, my cancer was also stressing my loved ones out." - Total-Ad886f
"I was having panic attacks in the middle of the night due to my husband's health and lack of care. So when he finally started seeing someone in my same doctor's office (but not the same doctor), it was SO much better."
"My doc and the nurse have been really, really concerned about my mental health, so they were happy to hear that he's taking his health seriously and improving, because that means that I am sleeping more and my mental health is better, and that means my ability to manage my own chronic pain and health issues has been better."
"I was not coping at all and barely able to function." - popchex
"The doctor may have mentioned OP in the conversation with her husband if he was trying to ascertain if he had stressors that may contribute to his stomach issues. Sure, your spouse, children, work, and parents can be considered stressors at times in anyone’s life."
"For me, where he crossed the line was when he decided just how OP’s condition will impact the future."
"Firstly, OP is obviously capable of caring for everyone, including herself and children, with minimal, if any, assistance. As OP ages, more assistance may be required, but this may also be the case for her husband, too, as he ages. The responsibility of the children will not be a factor, as they are adults."
"So the doctor’s predictions are presumptive and unnecessary. Health is not guaranteed for anyone. We all will face various challenges to our physical abilities as we age."
"What I would take up with the clinic is why he felt it necessary to ask the husband why he married OP. To additionally state because of that, ‘He was a good man’ is grossly inappropriate and unprofessional."
"There is potential for an ongoing issue to arise if OP were to continue seeing this doctor. His bias toward her husband may very well influence any care she may need in the future. NOR." - Cool-Blackberry-785
"It doesn’t make sense because if your husband was talking about how stressed he was, why would the doctor bring up more reasons he should be stressed? Or if he didn’t seem stressed enough, is the doctor then going to be like, 'Consider how stressed you’ll be in X amount of years'?"
"It sort of sounds like he’s saying something like, 'Why would a man do that?'"
"The only exception I’d give is if your husband had some sort of health thing he’s completely ignoring, and the doctor was trying to give him a wake-up moment. Because then, they sort of have to be blunt to make you realize you need to prioritize your health. But simply being stressed isn’t enough to start saying, 'Why did you marry your wife?'"
"Whenever it’s women in your husband’s position, they just get told they’re an awesome rockstar. No one questions WHY they do it."
"NOR. You should find a doctor who makes you feel supported, and you feel is better overall."
"I wouldn’t make your husband change yet. It is hard to find doctors you like. Maybe when you establish with a better doctor, he’ll switch, too." - imwearingredsocks
Since the OP's husband went to the doctor to discuss stomach issues and likely how to remedy them, it's reasonable that the subject of possible stressors would come up, so the husband could avoid those stressors and improve his symptoms.
However, some Redditors felt that also including details about his marriage and fatherhood in the conversation was crossing a line, and while being a care provider to a spouse could be stressful, many felt it was being addressed from an ableist perspective instead.