No two people have the same parenting methods.
While some people can’t help but judge how other parents raise their children, they at least have the fortitude to keep their opinions to themselves.
When things become more of an issue is when parents leave their children in the care of others who don’t see eye to eye on child care.
Often unable to hide their displeasure when learning what their children were up to in their care.
Redditor No-Amphibian1927 was happy to watch their sister’s infant child.
Things became complicated, however, when the baby refused to eat.
Prompting the original poster (OP) to make a judgment call.
A judgment call that utterly infuriated her sister.
Wondering if she stepped out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for breastfeeding my niece?”
The OP explained why she sent her sister into a tizzy while her niece was in her care:
“My sister (25 F[emale]) has a four month old and I (28 F) have a six month old.”
“We are very close, and she asked me to watch her baby overnight last night.”
“She brought bottles and pumped milk, and informed me she’d never tried giving her a bottle but ‘it should be fine’ and left.”
“A couple hours later, her baby was hungry.”
“I prepared a bottle and tried feeding her the bottle, but no matter what I did she wouldn’t take it.”
“She just kept crying.”
“After two hours of trying to feed her a bottle and then trying to spoon feed her and her screaming, and me being unable to reach my sister, I informed my sister of what I would be doing and I breastfed her baby.”
“I guess she didn’t check her phone for several hours because I ended up feeding her baby twice before my sister responded, and she was furious.”
“She said I had no right to do that and I should’ve figured something else out.”
She hasn’t spoken to me since picking my niece up.”
“So I’m wondering, am I the a**hole here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community strongly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for breastfeeding her niece.
Everyone agreed that while they understood why the OP’s sister might have felt uncomfortable with her decision, the OP was at least thinking in the best interest of the child, unlike her sister, who should not have left her baby overnight with someone else having never taken a bottle, nor should she have been unreachable by phone:
“NTA why was she unreachable over the phone when she has a 4 month old.”
“What if something serious came up and you went to the hospital with her child.”
“Anyway.”
“Figuring it out was her job.”
“You do not give your baby to someone without making sure she even takes a bottle.”
“This needs to be trained.”- lilithskitchen
“NTA.”
“But your sister should NEVER have left the child with you without making sure the baby would take the pumped milk from a bottle.”
“PERIOD.”
“And what mother doesn’t take phone calls from the person taking care of their baby.”- celticmusebooks
“NTA.”
“What was the alternative?”
“You couldn’t reach your sister and the baby wasn’t feeding from the bottle.”
“If it was this important to your sister she should have gotten the baby used to the bottle beforehand.”
“If she didn’t have the time, or didn’t think of that, she can’t blame you for prioritizing making sure her baby was fed when all else failed.”
“Surely that’s the priority, even over what your sister ideally prefers (and she wasn’t available to ask anyway).”
“The baby was in need of food, and was in your care.”- kurokomainu
“NTA.”
“I certainly think breastfeeding your niece has a weird ring to it, but wet nurses are a very long standing human tradition.”
“When it comes down to it, your sister wasn’t available to decide whether she wanted to leave her event and come feed the baby herself, and you can’t let a baby go an entire night without eating.”
“Look, maybe a doctor will say you could, but I certainly wouldn’t risk it if I had an option.”
“You solved a problem with a less-than-perfect but still absolutely worthwhile solution.”
“Your sister is the A-hole.”
“If you’re not checking in on your baby while your out, the appointed guardian makes decisions.”
“She’s also an A-hole for expecting her baby to take a bottle from anyone else without some training on the matter.”
“She did everything wrong here and has no place to complain.”- rockology_adam
“‘she’d never tried giving her a bottle but “it should be fine”’.”
“‘After two hours of trying to feed her a bottle and then trying to spoon feed her and her screaming, and me being unable to reach my sister..I breastfed her baby’.”
“‘she didn’t check her phone for several hours’.”
“Your sister is TA for her negligence, lack of preparation, and not having her phone on in case of a baby emergency..which there was.”
“What parent completely walks away from their phone when they’ve left their toddler for a few hours.”
“Her irresponsibility is staggering.”
“You did everything+ you could before you resorted to breast-feeding her child.”
“It literally was your last resort, after trying for hours to feed her with the bottle, and then even a simple spoon.”
“Your sister’s baby was hungry, extremely upset, and you had no other alternative.”
“In your care, the child came first.”
“Your sister could learn a lesson or two in mothering from you.”
“NTA.”- EmploymentLanky9544
“You don’t ask someone to babysit your four month old baby and then become unreachable for literal hours.”
“You did your best, NTA.”- Prior-Government5397
“Man, upon reading the title, I was very weirded out, but honestly, NTA.”
“You tried to give her a bottle.”
“She wouldn’t take it.”
“A lot of babies won’t if they are exclusively nursed.”
“Mine only did if I wasn’t in the room.”
“The fact that you tried for TWO HOURS and during that time you tried texting and calling, I don’t know what else you could have done other than letting her scream.”
“I feel like I would have understood at that point.”
“I could understand a little frustration, or feeling strange about it, but trying to look at it objectively, I can’t think of anything else you could have done, and at least you fed her child.”- JGalKnit
“NTA.”
“She clearly stated she’d never tried the bottle.”
“That poor baby had no idea what that bottle was.”
“Besides, you’re the baby’s aunt, not some stranger off the street.”
“If my sister had breast fed my baby because she wouldn’t take a bottle, I’d be thankful that my sister could do it and was willing to do it rather than let my baby go hungry.”
“Your sister is TA though because who leaves a breast fed baby that’s never taken a bottle over night?”
“That’s bad parenting.”
“She really needs to work on getting her baby to take a bottle if she wants to spend long amounts of time away.”
“I’m not saying she’s a bad parent, just that she needs to do better and not place the blame on you when in the end it’s her responsibility to make sure her child is prepared to be without her for an over night stay.”- Ok-Literature-3026
“Something ELSE?”
“Like what?”
“What ‘else’ IS there after you’ve already tried everything?”
“Unless you count the one thing you admittedly completely failed and neglected to consider:”
“Letting the infant scream.”
“And starve.”
“NTA.”
“And your sister needs a major reality check if she plans on retaining her rights to continue being a parent.”- Slaator
“NTA I breastfed two children and I would never, ever, never have been unreachable by phone.”
“Everyone needs a break once in a while, but when you have an infant dependent on you, you just don’t get to go off and be totally unreachable.”- 17Girl4Life
“Babies can smell breast milk.”
“I worked with moms and newborns.”
“My coworker handled all the formula babies until my child was weaned because the babies would root all over me and cry.”
“I could never get one to take a bottle.”
“NTA.”
“Letting the baby go hungry would’ve been a bad choice.”
“T A H is your sister for not answering or checking her phone.”
“What if this had been a medical emergency?”- Recent_Data_305
“NTA.”
“A fed baby should be prioritized over hurt feelings.”
“IMHO the sister is being selfish and not prioritizing her baby.”
“It sounds like you tried to do everything she could to reach her sister and this was the only other option other than letting the baby starve.”
“I cannot imagine being unreachable for hours when leaving my baby in someone else’s care.”
“Your sister is an a**hole for being unreachable.”- Psychological-Work85
There are some legitimate health and safety concerns that all mothers are entitled to regarding another woman breastfeeding their child.
However, seeing as her daughter still wasn’t taking a bottle, one can’t help but wonder how the OP’s sister could have possibly felt comfortable leaving their child for an overnight visit.
Particularly with a woman who also needed to care for her own six-month-old baby.