“Honesty is always the best policy”.
Or is it?
Ideally one should always be honest with those closest to them, as they deserve to know the truth.
But more often than not, being honest with friends and family doesn’t so much resolve conflict so much as exacerbate it.
Such was the case for Redditor Outrageous_Crew_5030, who didn’t mince words when her best friend asked for her honest opinion about her recent wedding.
However, upon hearing what the original poster (OP) had to say, the recently wedded best friend burst into tears of shame and guilt, leading the OP to become something of a pariah amongst her friends.
Wondering if she did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my best friend my honest opinion about her wedding?”
The OP first explained how her friend’s wedding came with a number of challenges, but she continued to bite her lip about them so as not to hurt the bride-to-be’s feelings.
“My best friend got married last weekend on a destination wedding.”
“I was a MOH and our friend group was bridesmaids.”
“I originally planned on having my kids staying with my in laws because I didn’t want to exhaust them bringing them to a destination wedding.”
“But few weeks before the wedding my friend insisted on me bringing the kids for the ceremony because she wanted them to be ring bearers.”
“I had told her that I can’t just bring the kids to the ceremony because I’d have to pay for a babysitter for the reception and I simply can’t afford that.”
“I had to pay for a destination wedding, a destination bachelorette party, all my expenses on hair and makeup and the MOH dress plus the wedding gift.”
“She was begging me and started crying of how much she loves my kids and wants them as ring bearers and she’ll find a solution regarding a babysitter for.”
“I trusted her on that.”
“I didn’t want to let her down because her wedding has already been cancelled 4 times in the span of 2 years now and I didn’t want to add onto her stress anymore.”
“So we leave for the wedding and last minute I find out that the bride had forgot to hire the babysitter despite her reassuring me we don’t have to worry about it multiple times.”
“That resulted to my husband having to skip the reception and go back to the hotel with the kids.”
“After the meals were done everyone was enjoying themselves with their partners while I was all alone because my husband was away.”
“My best friend told me to cheer up and it’s not a big deal.”
“But it was hard as I felt like I was third-wheeling everyone.”
“All my friends were with their partners , it wasn’t their responsibility to keep company to me because of the bride’s negligence about the babysitter.”
“After we returned the bridesmaids told me how sorry they feel and how I’m right to feel upset.”
“They also said they’re mad about how bride has guilted all of us regarding the amount we’d spend overall despite knowing our financial situations and how they feel like she partly guilt tripped us because her wedding has been cancelled before.”
Upon returning from her honeymoon, the OP’s best friend asked for her honest opinion about the wedding, though she may not have expected what the OP had to say, nor was the OP prepared for her friend’s reaction.
“This week I met for coffee with my best friend and she asked me my honest opinion about everything and not sugarcoat it.”
“So I told her. I told her I’m mad how she promised to handle one thing for me and she failed after me and the bridesmaids had made sure to do everything to her liking despite our hardships.”
“I told her I didn’t want to complain about her during the wedding planning in order not to stress her out but I told her since all of this is over I feel like she was wrong trying to guilt trip us as if it was our fault her wedding got cancelled before.”
“She then started crying and said she’s worthless and a horrible friend and that I implied she’s a bad person.”
“The rest of the bridesmaids found out and now all believe I’m TA for telling the bride my honest feelings and I should just suck it up and let it go despite being right.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for giving her honest answer to her friend’s question.
Everyone agreed that if the OP’s friend couldn’t handle her honest answer, she shouldn’t have asked the question in the first place, with several calling out the OP’s fellow bridesmaids for their hypocrisy.
“So the bride wanted everything her way regardless of the cost or other burdens it might cause you and the other wedding party members?”
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer for.”
“She asked for an honest answer.”- Evil_Mel
“It’s a manipulative trick.”
“Instead of saying sorry with any sincerity, she played the ‘you’re so mean to make me feel bad’ game.”
“Her manipulative skills are top notch.”
“So, the other bridesmaids are fine with commiserating in silence, but then throw you under the bus for actually communicating your shared grievances to the bridezilla?”
“She apparently literally told you not to sugarcoat it.”
“That said, the fact that apparently her entire friend group felt ‘guilt tripped’ into going.”
“It tells me someone needed to be honest with her much, much sooner.”
“This whole ‘everybody needs to please the bride, no matter how F-ed up it is (and whether or not they can easily afford it or not)’ on the wedding day needs to perish a slow and painful death.”-Pondering-Out-Loud
“She asked for the truth.”- yachtiewannabe
“I suspect others have implied to her that they weren’t pleased with how it all turned out, so she thought you would be the one person to bail her out and tell her everything was great, and you didn’t give her the affirmation she was seeking.”
“She knows she didn’t handle her wedding well, otherwise she wouldn’t have asked for feedback like she did.”
“She should use this as a learning experience and make a few apologies if she wants her friendships to last past her first wedding anniversary.”- eaglehigh42
“She totally failed you as a friend.”
“That situation sounds miserable.”- uninitiatedastronaut
“I gave a feeling she never intended to hire a babysitter.”- Effective_Sound_697
“Destination weddings already ask a HUGE burden of everyone involved, and as someone not in the US, this bridesmaids paying for their own hair and makeup thing continues to astound me.”
“You gave SO MUCH for HER special day, and she couldn’t even keep her babysitter promise.”-MycologistRecent7216
“If you don’t want an honest opinion then DON’T ASK.”
“She asked, you answered.”
“So she told them, and then did the same martyred self-flagellation that she did with you.”
“Did she even apologize!?”
“She has gone extreme to get a reaction from you that indicates some kind of forgiveness or gets her off the hook.”
“Don’t buy into her manipulation.”
“If she can’t handle it then she isn’t the friend you thought she was.”- Jaidiee
“NTA and she was in fact a horrible friend so if pointing that out made her cry, oh well.”-CrystalQueen3000
“She knew she screwed up.”
“What she wanted was for you to honestly tell her that it was okay.”
“But the problem was you’re not feeling that at this point.”
“And now she’s mad that you confirmed which she already knew.”
“And rather accepting that she’s in the wrong, she’s playing the victim to all of your friends.”
“I would make it clear to her that she’s now done you dirty twice.”
“First at the wedding.”
“Second by bringing your friends into this conversation and making you the bad guy.”
“If you want to keep you as a friend, She needs to apologize and at least accept that she was wrong.”- DarcyKnits
“She asked, you answered.”
“If she didn’t want the answer, she shouldn’t have asked.”
“She’s supposed to be your friend, and you’re apparently one of her best friends judging by being a MOH, so she should care about your feelings.”
“It’s ok for her to feel bad, and she should apologize.”
“None of this is your fault, all you did is voice your feelings.”- imthatguysammy
Sometimes, the truth can hurt.
But more often than not, the truth is exactly what some people need to hear.
Though, considering that she responded by falsely claiming things the OP said about her, one wonders if this friend actually heard what the OP had to say.
And based on the way the rest of her friends reacted, one wonders if the OP will ever have a truly honest conversation with this friend group ever again.