"Honesty is always the best policy".
Or is it?
Ideally one should always be honest with those closest to them, as they deserve to know the truth.
But more often than not, being honest with friends and family doesn't so much resolve conflict so much as exacerbate it.
Such was the case for Redditor Outrageous_Crew_5030, who didn't mince words when her best friend asked for her honest opinion about her recent wedding.
However, upon hearing what the original poster (OP) had to say, the recently wedded best friend burst into tears of shame and guilt, leading the OP to become something of a pariah amongst her friends.
Wondering if she did anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my best friend my honest opinion about her wedding?"
The OP first explained how her friend's wedding came with a number of challenges, but she continued to bite her lip about them so as not to hurt the bride-to-be's feelings.
"My best friend got married last weekend on a destination wedding."
"I was a MOH and our friend group was bridesmaids."
"I originally planned on having my kids staying with my in laws because I didn't want to exhaust them bringing them to a destination wedding."
"But few weeks before the wedding my friend insisted on me bringing the kids for the ceremony because she wanted them to be ring bearers."
"I had told her that I can't just bring the kids to the ceremony because I'd have to pay for a babysitter for the reception and I simply can't afford that."
"I had to pay for a destination wedding, a destination bachelorette party, all my expenses on hair and makeup and the MOH dress plus the wedding gift."
"She was begging me and started crying of how much she loves my kids and wants them as ring bearers and she'll find a solution regarding a babysitter for."
"I trusted her on that."
"I didn't want to let her down because her wedding has already been cancelled 4 times in the span of 2 years now and I didn't want to add onto her stress anymore."
"So we leave for the wedding and last minute I find out that the bride had forgot to hire the babysitter despite her reassuring me we don't have to worry about it multiple times."
"That resulted to my husband having to skip the reception and go back to the hotel with the kids."
"After the meals were done everyone was enjoying themselves with their partners while I was all alone because my husband was away."
"My best friend told me to cheer up and it's not a big deal."
"But it was hard as I felt like I was third-wheeling everyone."
"All my friends were with their partners , it wasn't their responsibility to keep company to me because of the bride's negligence about the babysitter."
"After we returned the bridesmaids told me how sorry they feel and how I'm right to feel upset."
"They also said they're mad about how bride has guilted all of us regarding the amount we'd spend overall despite knowing our financial situations and how they feel like she partly guilt tripped us because her wedding has been cancelled before."
Upon returning from her honeymoon, the OP's best friend asked for her honest opinion about the wedding, though she may not have expected what the OP had to say, nor was the OP prepared for her friend's reaction.
"This week I met for coffee with my best friend and she asked me my honest opinion about everything and not sugarcoat it."
"So I told her. I told her I'm mad how she promised to handle one thing for me and she failed after me and the bridesmaids had made sure to do everything to her liking despite our hardships."
"I told her I didn't want to complain about her during the wedding planning in order not to stress her out but I told her since all of this is over I feel like she was wrong trying to guilt trip us as if it was our fault her wedding got cancelled before."
"She then started crying and said she's worthless and a horrible friend and that I implied she's a bad person."
"The rest of the bridesmaids found out and now all believe I'm TA for telling the bride my honest feelings and I should just suck it up and let it go despite being right."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You're the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for giving her honest answer to her friend's question.
Everyone agreed that if the OP's friend couldn't handle her honest answer, she shouldn't have asked the question in the first place, with several calling out the OP's fellow bridesmaids for their hypocrisy.
"So the bride wanted everything her way regardless of the cost or other burdens it might cause you and the other wedding party members?"
"NTA."- mdthomas
"NTA."
"Don't ask questions you don't want the answer for."
"She asked for an honest answer."- Evil_Mel
"It's a manipulative trick."
"Instead of saying sorry with any sincerity, she played the 'you're so mean to make me feel bad' game."
"Her manipulative skills are top notch."
"NTA."-PattersonsOlady
"So, the other bridesmaids are fine with commiserating in silence, but then throw you under the bus for actually communicating your shared grievances to the bridezilla?"
"NTA."- mobyhead1
"NTA."
"She apparently literally told you not to sugarcoat it."
"That said, the fact that apparently her entire friend group felt 'guilt tripped' into going."
"It tells me someone needed to be honest with her much, much sooner."
"This whole 'everybody needs to please the bride, no matter how F-ed up it is (and whether or not they can easily afford it or not)' on the wedding day needs to perish a slow and painful death."-Pondering-Out-Loud
"NTA."
"She asked for the truth."- yachtiewannabe
"NTA."
"I suspect others have implied to her that they weren't pleased with how it all turned out, so she thought you would be the one person to bail her out and tell her everything was great, and you didn't give her the affirmation she was seeking."
"She knows she didn't handle her wedding well, otherwise she wouldn't have asked for feedback like she did."
"She should use this as a learning experience and make a few apologies if she wants her friendships to last past her first wedding anniversary."- eaglehigh42
"NTA."
"She totally failed you as a friend."
"That situation sounds miserable."- uninitiatedastronaut
"NTA."
"I gave a feeling she never intended to hire a babysitter."- Effective_Sound_697
"NTA."
"Destination weddings already ask a HUGE burden of everyone involved, and as someone not in the US, this bridesmaids paying for their own hair and makeup thing continues to astound me."
"You gave SO MUCH for HER special day, and she couldn't even keep her babysitter promise."-MycologistRecent7216
"If you don't want an honest opinion then DON'T ASK."
"She asked, you answered."
"NTA."- guessmyageidareyou
"So she told them, and then did the same martyred self-flagellation that she did with you."
"Did she even apologize!?"
"She has gone extreme to get a reaction from you that indicates some kind of forgiveness or gets her off the hook."
"Don't buy into her manipulation."
"If she can't handle it then she isn't the friend you thought she was."- Jaidiee
"NTA and she was in fact a horrible friend so if pointing that out made her cry, oh well."-CrystalQueen3000
"NTA."
"She knew she screwed up."
"What she wanted was for you to honestly tell her that it was okay."
"But the problem was you're not feeling that at this point."
"And now she's mad that you confirmed which she already knew."
"And rather accepting that she's in the wrong, she's playing the victim to all of your friends."
"I would make it clear to her that she's now done you dirty twice."
"First at the wedding."
"Second by bringing your friends into this conversation and making you the bad guy."
"If you want to keep you as a friend, She needs to apologize and at least accept that she was wrong."- DarcyKnits
"NTA."
"She asked, you answered."
"If she didn't want the answer, she shouldn't have asked."
"She's supposed to be your friend, and you're apparently one of her best friends judging by being a MOH, so she should care about your feelings."
"It's ok for her to feel bad, and she should apologize."
"None of this is your fault, all you did is voice your feelings."- imthatguysammy
Sometimes, the truth can hurt.
But more often than not, the truth is exactly what some people need to hear.
Though, considering that she responded by falsely claiming things the OP said about her, one wonders if this friend actually heard what the OP had to say.
And based on the way the rest of her friends reacted, one wonders if the OP will ever have a truly honest conversation with this friend group ever again.
Woman Breaks Up With 'Clingy' Boyfriend For Making Joke About 'Getting With' Her Sister
As much as we might want to date someone, there's no point in trying to gain the attention and affection of someone who does not want to reciprocate.
Dating someone "similar" to fill that void isn't a good look, either, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Flashy-External1666 had been long-distance dating a guy from her friend group for about a month, even though he'd expressed his attraction to her older sister repeatedly before they started dating.
When her sister entered a new relationship, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and disgusted that her boyfriend insinuated that he could have been trying to "get with" her sister while he was instead busy dating her.
She asked the sub:
The OP was aware that her boyfriend had his eye on someone close to her before dating her.
"I (19 Female) am with M (21 Male), and we've been together for a month. We were friends before this, for a while."
"For some background, when we were in a friend group, he'd always talk about how my sister (23 Female) was super hot and how he wanted her, but she was in a relationship at the time."
When he found out that her sister had been in-between relationships, he had an unsavory reaction.
"Earlier today, I mentioned to him how my sister started seeing this new guy, and I was super proud of her, because she went through a lot with her last relationship."
"His immediate reply was, 'Dang,' one month too late' with a sad emoji, insinuating that he was one month too late to get with her, because we've been together for a month."
You can see the text message exchange here:
The OP was immediately turned off by the idea of dating him.
"After I got upset and he apologized, he immediately sent me a reel that said, 'When she's already upset about me, but I have a second joke in mind.'"
"I feel like he genuinely doesn't care about me."
"He has also gotten weirdly clingy within the month, like red-flag clingy."
"He keeps trying to say how he loves me, wants to marry me, and wants me to go live with him. But he also always brings up my exes and gets super jealous when HE mentions them."
"I don't know what to do. Should I block him??"
"He's mentioned before that I would need to block him on everything if we ever broke up because he'd never leave me alone (we are currently long-distance)."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some were grossed out by the boyfriend's text message and understood why the OP was upset.
"The fact that he wrote all that out and even added a little emoji at the end and still decided to send it, knowing it would be hurtful for you."
"Seems like he’s texted that to see if he could get away with it. Either way, you don’t say something like that to someone you care about…" - Oven_Traditional
"NOR. Ew! That’s so disrespectful coming from someone who should be thrilled to have you."
"I’m team 'dump him.' If he has a brother, maybe ask for his brother’s number as you end it just to see how he likes it." - Entire-Tonight-1463
"NOR. He's not joking about your sister. Based on what he's said about her in the past, it would have been a wise move to NOT date him at all. PERIOD."
'There's a possibility that he's clingy/close to you for the purpose of indirectly keeping an eye on your sister. Release him and let him go, thereby setting yourself free from foolishness." - AtlJazzy2024
"He’s not for you… Break up with him and block him. You deserve a guy who treasures YOU!" - Muted-Lynx-8745
"He might be your boyfriend, but you're not his girlfriend. In his mind, your sister is." - Save-your-spoons
Others urged the OP to block her boyfriend and move on.
"Girl, it's been a month. Let that loser go." - sleepymelfho
"He kept OP as a backup, while circling her sister's orbit. What has happened to transparency and honesty in relationships? All I read now is obnoxious men doing obnoxious things to their partners."
"OP, he's keeping you around to stay close to your sister. You deserve better... NOR." - ColdHandGee
"NOR. You know that he's not joking about wanting your sister. He told on himself before you even got together, talking about how hot she was. Believe him."
"Break up with him and cut him off immediately. I can't believe you ever agreed to date him in the first place. I'd never want to date someone who had the hots for someone else in my immediate circle, whether that was a sibling or a friend." - Lanky_Mud_8148
"You’ve been dating one month, and that’s one month too long."
"He’s not joking about your sister. He fancies her more than you, and you’re the consolation prize. He will pursue her given the chance."
"Time to dump him." - Special_Wind_6708
"NOR. He can't have your sister, so you're just the next best thing. Him being a clingy weirdo that 'will never leave you alone' is the cherry on top."
"You know what to do. Dump him and block him on everything. If anyone from the friend group asks, just tell them what you told us. And you REALLY should warn your sister; you have receipts." - sdoM-bmuD
"Ditch him. Honestly. What are you waiting for?" - forget_me_not_uwu
"NOR at all. Cut this loser out of all channels of your life."
"I wouldn’t block, though. Just ghost so that he can watch you become happier without him as the ultimate revenge because I’m petty like that, and he clearly deserves it."
"ALSO, if he's as creepy and clingy as he sounds, you can have him muted, so he can see your activity, but you won't have to see his... But you'd have all of his messages as receipts if he ever became threatening or stalkerish for police purposes."
"For more context: My mum started dating my dad (when she was 19, too), who initially tried to go for her older sister (two years older) and got rejected."
"After three years of dating, seven years of engagement, and 20 years of marriage where she put up with an incompetent man-child that wouldn’t do anything for himself and expected her to completely cater to him while he berated her and treated her like s**t..."
"...it ended in him cheating on her with a waitress for over a year and denying it until my mum had literal photographic evidence, to which he had the audacity to respond with the reasoning that she was the reason he was 'driven to cheat' (as if that was even remotely close to the truth and the only option to solve his ‘problems’)."
"Save yourself, girl. This man-child can learn to pine over you and your sister from afar as you both skip into the sunset together, moving on with your lives and into better relationships that fulfill you the way you deserve!" - peachycritter
Some cautioned the OP to also cover her tracks after the breakup, as he sounded worse than "clingy" to them.
"The actual scary part isn't even the sister joke; it's, 'he said he'd never leave me alone if we broke up,' only one month in."
"That line gave me chills, and that alone would have me Googling how to block someone on every platform that exists." - babydoodle91
"Ew. These super clingy guys right out the gate are scary. Please watch your step, and erase your tracks." - Immabirb
"He sounds like a stalker... Drop him now, fast. And block him everywhere." - Admirable_Program720
"NOR, yes, you block him, and you keep him out of your life, and you tell mutual friends that if they try to facilitate contact between you two, you will block them as well. He isn't joking." - JustAsICanBeSoCruel
"I watch way too much crime for this!"
"Girl, block him. Also tell your sister to block him, too; he’s obsessed with her." - MrsRoronoaZoro
"NOR. You're underreacting, honestly."
"He wants your sister, but you're close enough. He's obsessed with her and won't give it up even though he has someone he 'wants to marry.'"
"Also, he's not lying. He probably will stalk you online afterwards; please be careful." - Phoenix-Phire-38
"NOR at all. Your post kept adding on more red flags with each additional sentence. I know you’re young, but he’s toxic, and yes, you will need to block him."
"Breaking up with someone you have strong feelings for is really difficult, so when you leave, you should make sure to lean on friends and family and keep yourself distracted with things you like and find engaging." - query_tech_sec
"The s**t with your sister is nothing compared to the love-bombing and jealousy. This guy is trouble, and scary, and you will have done the right thing when you leave him and maintain the distance between the two of you. NOR." - potatomeeple
After receiving feedback, the OP posted an update, but it seemed to be only the beginning.
"Thank you for making me feel less crazy."
"I blocked him on everything and deactivated my Instagram."
"He DM'ed a girl that I had posted ONCE on my Instagram Stories, asking about me."
"I'm not sure if he's going to keep trying to talk to me, but I hope not."
The subReddit's internal alarm bells were ringing while reading the OP's post, and they hoped that she'd leave her boyfriend in every sense of the word. They already lived long-distance, but she needed to cut him off in every other sense.
Not only was it obvious that he wanted someone else and was with the OP to "make up for it," but his "promises" of not leaving her alone if she ever broke up with him were love-bombing and stalker-like, at best.