Staying in other people’s homes and looking after their belongings while they’re away can be stressful.
And the whole… “My house is your house.”
Is it?
Is it really?
Some folks really put that sentiment to the test.
Redditor Effective_Tour_723 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my friend to pay me back for the wine he drank while house sitting??”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I (26 F[emale}) had my friend (27 M[ale]) watch my place and my cat for the weekend.”
“I told him he could ‘help himself to whatever’ in the kitchen, which I thought was just like… common sense for snacks and stuff?”
“I get back and realize he opened this $120 bottle of vintage Barolo I was saving for my promotion.”
“He literally drank the whole thing alone while watching Netflix.”
“When I asked him about it, he got all weird and said I ‘gave him permission because the wine was in the kitchen.”
“Like okay, but who drinks a hundred-dollar bottle of wine without asking first???”
“I sent him a Venmo for $80 (gave him a discount lol) and now he’s calling me tacky and told our group chat I’m a bad host.”
“I feel like there’s literally an unwritten rule of guest logic where you don’t touch the most expensive thing in the house.”
“If I tell u to help yourself to my garage, it doesn’t mean u can just drive off in my car??”
“He’s making me feel like I’m being extra, but I feel like he totally took advantage of me… I don’t know, it’s also just $120.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“I don’t know, am I the a**hole here?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP WAS the A**hole.
“You told him to help himself to whatever.”
“He did.”
“Most people can’t distinguish between a $15 and $120 bottle of wine, and most people aren’t going to read a receipt you left lying around either.”
“YTA, this one’s on you.” ~ Nooooope
“YTA. You should just chalk this up to miscommunication.”
“You said help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”
“If you had told him prior, ‘except for that bottle of wine I’m saving for my promotion,’ you could ask for full compensation.”
“This is on you.”
“Swallow your ego and let this go, my dude.”
“It’ll be better for the friendship.” ~ LindormRune
“If someone was house and cat sitting for me for the weekend and I wasn’t paying them, I’d probably give them a nice gift… like a nice bottle of wine.”
“YTA OP.” ~ ndiasSF
“I’m inclined to say YTA.”
“You told him to ‘help yourself to whatever’ in the kitchen, the wine was in the kitchen, and you did not clarify that anything was off-limits. “
“Unless he’s a wine guy, I’m not sure how he would know it was a $120 bottle of wine.” ~ 28nicky
“It’s not unreasonable to expect people not to drink expensive wine, IF they know it’s expensive, IF they know you were saving it, and IF you asked them not to.”
“But you didn’t.”
“The wine was in the kitchen, you didn’t tell them not to drink it, and you DID tell them to help themselves to whatever was there.”
“This is 100% on you, and you’re out of line for trying to make the person who did you a favor pay you. YTA.” ~ Goofusmaloofus6
“YTA: You said to help himself.”
“I would have assumed that also included drinks.”
“How would he know that bottle was special or worth $120?”
“I feel like that is on you to communicate when you let someone help themselves to your kitchen.” ~ Impossible_Rain_4727
“Sorry, but YTA You told him to help himself to ‘whatever,’ so he did.”
“It’s possible he didn’t know that it wasn’t a $20 bottle of wine.”
“But even if he did know what he was opening, you didn’t specify that.”
“‘Whatever’ is really open-ended.”
“Live and learn, next time you’ll either be specific, or you’ll put the stuff you don’t want touched away.” ~ MusketeersPlus2
“YTA. It’s a shi**y lesson, but hopefully you learn it.”
“I have no f**king clue what a $5 bottle of wine looks like or a $3,000 bottle.”
“Not a clue.”
“If you told me to help myself, yeah, I’d probably open a bottle of wine.”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“It’s wine.”
“It costs like $20/bottle tops in my mind.”
“You’ve learned a costly lesson: just because you know the difference in wines, or anything, doesn’t mean others do.”
“You permitted him and are now demanding payment.”
“That’s tacky.”
“And it makes you the a**hole.” ~ camelCaseCoffeeTable
“YTA, what’s the likelihood he’s googling the cost?”
“If you give a man free rein to consume anything he wants in your kitchen, he will consume everything available.”
“You learned a $120 lesson and probably lost a group of friends.” ~ chi60640co
“YTA. You should have specified that the wine was special.”
“$120 is nothing in terms of house sitting.”
“Just eat the cost and learn to be specific when there are exceptions to general statements.” ~ onemasterball
“YTA.”
“You literally told him to help himself, and now you are pissed off that he helped himself when he was ‘doing you a favor.'”
“I don’t know much about wine, but I wouldn’t expect somebody to have an expensive bottle of wine just sitting around in the kitchen.” ~ Triabolical_
“Lol YTA.”
“‘Help yourself to whatever’ = help yourself to whatever. “
“If that is literally the most expensive food item in your house and you are specifically saving that, it’s really easy to bring it up.”
“I would totally expect a friend to raid some alcohol from the house if they were house-sitting, hell, I would likely stock the fridge and point them in that direction.”
“I would also ask, what would a house-sitter cost if you were paying someone professionally?”
“Dude, did you a favor, and now you have learned a lesson to be a little more explicit in the future.”
“Although don’t expect him or any of your friends to do that favor in the future… lol.” ~ Steelrain121
“YTA. He probably thought it was a normal bottle of wine, and he wasn’t doing anything wrong.”
“You should have been more specific.” ~ CutlerSheridan
“YTA in the most audacious way.”
“If you don’t want someone to consume something, you either put a note on it or hide it in your closet.”
“You’re hilarious.”
“I could buy you a clue for less than $120.” ~ _bufflehead
“YTA. You said Help yourself without being clear about which items.”
“You didn’t even put the wine away.”
“Lesson learnt, I hope.” ~ Ma-Hu
“YTA. You didn’t clarify, and it’s not on him to know the price of your wine.”
“You never mentioned paying him for house sitting, so it sounds like he was doing you a favor.”
“You would pay at least $120 for a house sitter to stay over the weekend anyways.” ~ rathrowawydsabldsib
“YTA. A house sitter/pet sitter would have cost a lot more than that.”
“And if you didn’t literally mean ‘help yourself to anything,’ then you should have removed it.”
“This is entirely on you.”
“He took you at your word.”
“You don’t get to charge people for your lack of communication skills.” ~ Disastrous-Nail-640
“YTA, you have to say don’t drink the booze if you say he can help himself to whatever.”
“This is on you.”
“Maybe he thought you left him a bottle of wine for helping him out.” ~ thenexttimebandit
“YTA. You told him to help himself to whatever.”
“He was doing you a huge favor staying in your house, pet sitting, and house sitting.”
“It’s a 50/50 chance he even knew what it was.” ~ Wandering_aimlessly9
“YTA. Take the loss you were responsible for by not being specific.”
“Not everyone knows enough about wine or alcohol to easily identify if a bottle is expensive or not.”
“It was absolutely tacky to request money from him, especially when you gave him permission to ‘help himself to whatever.'” ~ brujajean
“YTA— the majority of people have no idea how much a specific wine costs.”
“So, unless the price tag was still on it, how is he supposed to know it was $120 versus $20?”
“You’re acting as if he went through your house to look for the most expensive thing you had to eat/drink it.”
“Use some common sense here.”
“He just wanted some wine, and he had no idea how much money it cost.” ~ REDDIT
“You told him to help himself, and now you’re mad that he did.”
“No reasonable person knows what that wine is going to cost, nor inspect any random bits of paper left in the cupboard.”
“YTA, and you probably lost a bunch of friends over $120.” ~ SoullessGinger666
“Yes. You told him to help himself.”
“YTA, unquestionably.”
“Anything you didn’t want consumed should have been put away.”
“Your friend is wrong, you aren’t ‘a bad host,’ because you weren’t hosting him.”
“You just doubled down on not realizing that ‘help yourself’ meant it’s all fair game, and then didn’t realize it after the fact.”
“Eat the money, apologize deeply, and reconsider what it means to have someone house-sit without being paid.” ~ ImRudyL
“YTA. First off, it was in the kitchen, and you told him to help himself.”
“Second, no, this is not common sense.”
“He may not have known how much the bottle cost.”
“He may have thought you got him the wine for housesitting, which would have been more than appropriate.”
“The fact is, he saved you way more than $120 than if you had to pay someone on Rover or something.” ~ I_Fart_It_Stinks
“YTA, you said help yourself to whatever when you didn’t actually mean it, now you’re mad?”
“I would definitely expect my friend to help themselves to wine, and definitely not expect them to know how much it costs.
“Sounds like you should have tucked this away somewhere else before telling him to help himself.”
“You’re petty for charging him over a miscommunication on your part.” ~ urmomthinksurugly
Reddit has some issues with your behavior, OP.
Being specific in these situations is KEY.
Not everybody knows what is off-limits when told they have no limits.
Good luck with deciding what to do.