Celebrating anniversaries can be a very integral part of a relationship.
Everyone likes to commemorate the union of their love, most of the time.
But every relationship faces hurdles.
Sometimes, just like any holiday or event, things are going to happen not to put everybody in the best mood.
So does that mean canceling all of the plans?
Or soldiering through?
Case in point…
Redditor Tiny-Pen-2289 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for canceling our anniversary trip because my husband drowned my terrarium?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
I (29 F[emale]) traveled across the country to visit a company regarding an incredible job offer.”
“I spent two days touring the company to decide if it would be the right fit for me after years of self-employment.”
“After meeting with the company, I visited my sister (32 F) and her family a few towns over.”
“We barely get to see each other because of work and distance, so it was wonderful to spend a few days with her, the family, and her new baby.”
“I was gone for a total of 8 days.”
“When I returned home, I was excited to spend time with my husband (33 M[ale]) and tell him about the trip, my visit with my sister, my impression of the city etc.”
“We were meant to be celebrating our anniversary and decided to put off the discussion about whether or not I should accept the job offer until after our anniversary getaway.”
“I’d arranged for us to go on a luxury train ride because he’s a big train enthusiast, and we were meant to leave for the trip three days after I got home.”
“This is when the problem started.”
“I have a very large closed bioactive terrarium, which I made with my mother 15 years ago.”
“It’s one of my favorite things I have of her from before she passed.”
“This terrarium is my pride and joy and has come with me everywhere since we planted it.”
“It was always super healthy and beautiful, and I’ve only ever had to open it four times to do a little maintenance and watering.”
“My husband knows all of this, which is why I don’t understand why he decided to tamper with it in my absence.”
“I didn’t notice the night I got home because I was exhausted, but the next morning, I went to check on the terrarium to find it in a terrible state.”
“The roots were rotting and the plants dying and molding.”
“He told me that the day I left, he poured a few cups of water into the vessel and sealed it again.”
“I was so mad I cried, and it turned into a huge argument because ‘it’s just a plant’ and ‘all you do is look at it anyway.'”
“He called me ungrateful and overdramatic, and that I should appreciate that his intention was to help me and that he didn’t ask because he didn’t want to bother me on my trip.”
“I ended up canceling our anniversary plans, partly because I was so upset that I didn’t want to go and partly because I wanted to try and salvage the plants, and that would require time.”
“He hit the roof when I told him and is now sleeping in a separate room and refusing to speak to me because, according to him, I’m being petty and trying to destroy our marriage.”
“Am I being oversensitive about my plants?”
“My friends are pretty evenly split and have pointed out that he was just trying to be thoughtful, however misguided it was.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for canceling an anniversary trip which my husband was excited about because he accidentally destroyed the terrarium I made with my late mother?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA – and I doubt your husband was trying to help.”
“Firstly, if you have only opened it a few times, then he knows it doesn’t get watered that often.”
“Secondly, he knows how much it means to you, so he should know that you would have taken care of it before you went or would have left very detailed instructions.”
“Also, how big is it – would a few cups of water have been way too much even if he was just being helpful?”
“The ‘you just look at it’ comment is also strange – that’s what everyone does with their plants.” ~ deathandtaxes2023
“Yeah agreed- he did this on purpose to kill something OP loved.”
“OP, I’m not sure if he’s enjoying being abusive or is trying to drive you to leave him, so you’ll be the bad guy… but he does not love you and has no intentions of treating you well. NTA.” ~ Kitchen_Victory_7964
“I agree. I think the notion that he just randomly decided to do it is a stretch.”
“If that was the case, he’s had plenty of opportunities to do that.”
“It’s odd that it was tied to a trip for a potential job and time with his sister.”
“Like maybe he did this to punish OP.”
“OP, you are NTA.” ~ Best-Lake-6986
“I get the innocent until proven guilty/ don’t explain with malice what could be explained with incompetence angle but why would he do it in the first place?”
“She didn’t ask him to water it a little bit or to spray some water after a few days.”
“It was not discussed, and it’s not like he saw her water it every few weeks and could have thought: hey, let’s do that for her.”
“That plus his reaction afterward translates more like malice to me.” ~ what-even-is-a-user
“I don’t think this is a malice vs. ignorance situation, actually.”
“There is no f**king way that he was trying to be helpful by dumping multiple cups of water in something he has never seen his wife even open.”
“He wasn’t apologetic and very clearly resents the terrarium from his response.”
“The lack of texting or heads up that he did it is also clear evidence.”
“I have met few men who do something out of the ordinary just to be nice to their partner who doesn’t tell the partner.”
“They did it by text or as soon as they get home so they get praised for it, and the men that don’t seek praise for helpful favors they do are 100% going to apologize profusely if the ‘favor’ actually turned out to be hurtful rather than helpful.”
“It is transparent af that OP’s husband did this for nefarious rather than nice reasons.” ~ ichheissekate
“I doubt he ‘forgot.'”
“I believe that the most likely explanation is that your husband wanted to punish you for leaving him alone so long.”
“My stepfather used to do this all the time with things my mother loved.”
“He was jealous of any time she spent away from him.”
“Every time she spent time with me, my grandparents, or her sister, he would ‘help her’ by destroying or damaging something.”
“Plants, books, her antiques, and the piano that had been handed down through generations, anything she loved.”
“His behavior escalated to the point she wasn’t allowed any friends, wasn’t allowed to see family, he controlled what she wore and what she ate.”
“The stress from this contributed to her early death. NTA.” ~ lostinthought1997
“He didn’t forget.”
“Given the fact that he knew it was something that reminded you of your mother, how much you cherished it, and how to maintain it, he killed it on purpose.”
“I think you should consider that he was either (A) Mad that you went away without him for a week or…”
“(B) Are contemplating a move for a new job.”
“It’s obvious he is not happy about either option.”
“Everybody is quick to jump on the divorce bandwagon, but since the incident, he has been manipulating and blaming you for the terrarium’s destruction.”
“Faced with all of this, I’d seriously consider divorce, or at the very least, a separation and counseling because he obviously doesn’t know how to talk about his feelings.”
“You are NTA for canceling the train excursion, OP.”
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near somebody who did that to me and my prized possessions either.”
“Your husband is definitely an a-hole.” ~ RionaMurchada
“He so did this on purpose.”
“I love my plants, and if I don’t tell my husband specifically what to do, he leaves them be.”
“Same with my roommates at University.”
“And I’m talking ‘normal’ plants in pots.”
“Something that shouldn’t be opened even yearly – no way someone that even cares a little for you would risk messing with it. NTA.”
“But your husband is big time.” ~ Fluffy_Guard8157
“NTA. He definitely sabotaged the terrarium.”
“It makes ZERO SENSE that he would water an ordinary houseplant, let alone a terrarium, ON THE DAY that you left for a trip.”
“He was NOT ‘trying to help.'”
“Our houseplants are my wife’s to deal with, and I wouldn’t water them unless she asked me to.”
“I’m assuming you have NEVER asked him to touch your terrarium since you’ve known him.”
“His defense ‘It’s only a plant’ gives it away.”
“My guess is that he has never liked this terrarium and has just been waiting for the chance to get rid of it.”
“Imagine if he had an old recliner from college that he hauled from place to place, and you wanted it gone.”
“If that’s not the reason, then he may be wanting to start a fight for deeper reasons in your marriage.”
“All that said, it was wrong of you to cancel the trip without discussing it with him.”
“Obviously, if he went on your anniversary trip without you, it would be the last anniversary, but it should be up to him to agree.”
“Wrong, but not on the level of AH.” ~ 1962Michael
“NTA, and maybe I’m paranoid, but I don’t think this was a mistake.”
“I think hubby got annoyed that you were having such a nice trip and decided to get back at you under the guise of ‘helping.'”
“I just think this goes way deeper than plants.” ~ Ok_Childhood_9774
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your husband was aware of your attachment to your terrarium.
It’s not just a plant. No, it holds meaningful sentimental value.
You have every right to be upset.
It could be time for some serious couple’s therapy.
Good luck.