Content Warning: Menstruation, Symptoms, and Complications, as well as Feelings of Hopelessness
We all can agree that when we have a trip planned, it’s disappointing when those plans get canceled.
When there are more important things, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, was overwhelmed by the fact that her family was angry with her for canceling trip plans when she needed to go to the emergency room.
When they accused her of making “everything about her,” the Original Poster (OP) continued to have doubts.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting to go to an amusement park when two days ago, I was in the emergency room?”
The OP had to cancel plans due to health concerns.
“I’m a woman (24) and recently I’ve experienced strange menstrual symptoms. I’ve been bleeding consistently for three weeks now and even had to go to the emergency room where tests showed I have become anemic due to blood loss.”
“No one knows why, and it will take me weeks before any OB-GYN in my area will be open to seeing me.”
“My older sister (26 female) is refusing to speak to me because I obviously have canceled our trip to Universal Studios due to my medical issues.”
The OP’s family retaliated.
“My dad told me he is on my sister’s ‘team,’ and that I should force myself to go.”
“My sister even texted me, saying she doesn’t want me to talk to her for a while, because she’s so upset over this.”
The OP felt abandoned by her family.
“I feel like no one is considering how I feel.”
“I tried speaking to my mom about the whole thing and she told me, ‘Your sister is going through a tough time because she hates when plans get canceled.'”
“What about me?! Am I not going through the worst time out of anyone right now? I had blood tests and a transvaginal ultrasound done on me. I’m bleeding through my pads every hour.”
“No one seems to care about me when I’m the one who’s in pain. Why is my sister’s entertainment more important than my health and comfort?”
“Am I going crazy because I feel like I am.”
The OP admitted in a comment that this was overwhelming her.
“I’ve been crying all night because my mom told me on the phone that I make everything about me.”
“But I don’t get how any of this situation shouldn’t rightfully be about me.”
“It makes me feel like I could get into a car accident or something, and everyone would still somehow find a way to blame me or accuse me of making everything about me.”
“I honestly feel so alone.”
The OP also admitted to being hurt by her family’s priorities.
“It makes me feel so bad about myself.”
“Like, my sister literally texted me, saying, ‘I missed seeing the new ‘Doctor Strange’ movie because you were in the emergency room.’ Like??? I’m sorry that my being sick caused you to miss a silly movie, dude.”
“I feel so alone and scared right now, and my family just makes me feel like I’m crazy.”
“My mom told me, ‘You make everything about Princess Sana’ (my name is Sana), and it’s like, dude, I’m sorry, but this IS about me. I’m bleeding out of my vagina and it won’t stop, it just keeps going.”
“I’ve become anemic! Nobody in my family cares. They just are worried that my sister isn’t able to go to the amusement park.”
“I’m sometimes in a mental place of feeling like I want to just disappear.”
The OP also wondered how her family felt about her.
“I just feel like if I disappeared, my family wouldn’t care. I know this sounds like angsty 13-year-old s**t, but I’m 24 and have felt this way for so long now that sometimes, I just really think no one would even care or even they’d feel a burden be lifted.”
“This is the first time I have had a medical issue in years and so far it has been nothing but a burden upon my family, and it makes me feel like I just don’t want to be here.”
“I don’t want to die, I’m scared of death, but I am very lonely and not in the mindset of feeling loved right now.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were eager to call the family out on their skewed priorities.
“NTA. I’d flat out say, ‘I’m slowly bleeding to death here and all you care about is some f**king rollercoaster. I see how much I matter.'” – Any-Confusion-4526
“What is wrong with your mother?! Obviously, your medical emergency is about you.”
“The headline here for your parents should be that their daughter is experiencing a serious and unexplained medical condition, and not that their other daughter had to cancel a trip.”
“The person complaining about the trip is the one putting herself at the center of another person’s issue. Again, the only important issue here is your health.” – DSethK93
“What is up with family members that don’t give an actual f**k about your health but get mad at you for having to cancel something that is actually not as important just because it involves them?”
“Bro, if a family member is potentially bleeding to death, I wouldn’t be mad, I’d be worried.” – fluffydaigakusei
Others sensed that the older sister was also the golden child.
“Look up ‘the golden child’ and ‘the scapegoat child.’ I think that will resonate with you.”
“From what you’ve said, your feelings about them are very different than their feelings about you.”
“If you can, go to a few sessions of therapy, but don’t tell your family! They will weaponize it and make you feel bad about it when therapy is a normal medical activity.” – androiddays
“Is your sister the golden child, i.e., do they always show preference for her?”
“NTA. You take care of you. I have had quite a few friends go through similar medical issues. Hugs to you.” – CraftandEdit
“NTA, sounds like she’s the golden child. Sucks what’s happening to you and that no one in your family is worried for you. I’m currently having to wait weeks for my own medical testing so I sympathize greatly.”
“I’d text your mum back, ‘Yeah, I go through a tough time when I’m anemic due to blood loss and won’t find out why for weeks, but then I’m expected to do something high energy with no clue if it’s dangerous for me because my golden child sister threw a tantrum. What’s more important, a trip or my health?'”
“And then tell your dad, ‘Well, I’m Team ‘Be a better parent.’ I’ve lost a ton of blood to the point I’m anemic and I don’t know why. Pretty sure I shouldn’t be testing out if rollercoasters have an effect. Trips can be rescheduled, my health is a priority and if you don’t think that too, then you should be ashamed as a parent. Tell you what, you start leaking blood uncontrollably, and then tell me if you want to go out. What’s more important, a trip or my health?'”
“With both those questions, you’re forcing them to acknowledge that they’re wrong or admit to being terrible parents. If they say the trip, tell them you’ll be blocking their number. If they say, ‘Your health but,’ cut them off, say there is no but. Either your health is more important or it isn’t.”
“Your sister can just get, ‘If you care more about this trip than the threat to my health, then I have nothing more to say to you. I’m bleeding non-stop. I obviously wanted to go on the trip, too, and didn’t want to cancel, but I assumed you wouldn’t want to spend the day finding bathrooms for me to change pads and going on none of the big rides in case they make me faint, all while I’m in pain.'”
“Also add, ‘If you continue to give me the silent treatment, then don’t worry about ending it as I’ll have no desire to hear from you anymore. I’m in pain and worried because I don’t know why, but instead of concerned or supportive messages, I’m getting told by our parents how I’m bad for not going with you.'”
“Obviously, do whatever you feel you need. Sounds like they do need to hear, ‘This is serious and if you think a trip is more important, then I’m cutting contact,’ because you deserve better.”
“I saw some of your comments, OP. You are not spoiled or wrong for canceling. Your health is number one. Anyone who feels differently can take a hike, because their opinion is worth less than nothing.”
“I had a health problem where it felt everyone was annoyed by how inconvenient it was and it was so hurtful to hear my family be so dismissive. People like that have shown you their true colors. Focus on finding other people who truly do care and put your energy into those relationships.” – maybemaybo
Some recommended going low- or no-contact with the family.
“I am so sorry you are going through this. All of them sound self-centered and my guess is this is not the first time they prioritize other things over you. Sadly they have done this to you enough that you feel you might be wrong.”
“And you are going out of your way trying to explain to them why you are not trying to be an a** and why you feel they should worry about you.”
“Sadly what you are doing is not going to work. They are who they are. You can’t fix people. And it is not your fault at all that they are this way.”
“So from now on, focus on yourself. I would actually tell them that slow bleeding to the death comment. But don’t get discouraged if they continue with this nonsense.”
“Go low contact with them. As long as you lend yourself to their mistreatment they really don’t have a reason to change. Focus on your health and on eating well and resting as much as you can. Stress doesn’t help in this kind of situation so focus on relaxing.”
“I know it is hard to say ‘my family sucks,’ but remember you didn’t pick your family. Your family happened to you. You can however decide how you interact with them and if you keep them in your life.”
“Yes, this situation should be a priority for them. They should be there for you and they should be dropping things and running after you. But they are not the kind of people that do that. That really speaks volumes of who they are as people and doesn’t say anything about you.”
“You have yourself, focus on yourself. If you don’t want to be alone reach out to friends. Given the way your family treats you there is a distinct possibility your friends are not nice either, because sadly when we grew up we look for what is familiar.”
“Again I am sorry you are going through this. I have known a couple of people that had something similar happening to them and it wasn’t “good” but it wasn’t so bad either. So I hope you will get better soon.”
“NTA.” – Skylightk23
“Everything here. Hugs to OP for the health and the family issues.”
“I had a similar bleeding issue years ago. It was scary at first, but in the end, it was more tiresome (both emotionally and physically) but very treatable. I’m sorry OP has to wait so long to get treated.”
“OP, focus on taking care of yourself right now and pampering yourself. Wishing the best for your health and happiness.” – swillshop
“Hey, hon, I haven’t seen my parents in a decade. Haven’t seen/spoken with my sister (who sounds remarkably like yours) in as long. Same with 2 of my brothers. Don’t even know where they currently live.”
“My family treated me like my very existence was an inconvenience, and finally, I made their lives more convenient by simply not having anything to do with them. And you know, that’s been one of his best decisions I could have ever made.”
“Even in the years before, I had grown to have increasingly less and less contact with them. And that was also good, for everyone.”
“Just because you are born into something doesn’t mean you have an obligation to continue to live through it. And maybe you should consider how much access you allow them to your life.” – CatteHerder
“I would recommend you stop saying anything to any of these people for at least a month.”
“Ignore their calls, block them on social media (or better yet, dump your social media completely because it’s toxic and dangerous), and respond via one text per week:”
“Use this: ‘I’m focusing on my medical emergency right now. I don’t have the time or energy to explain to anyone why my health is more important than my sister being able to go to a theme park. I will try to contact you in June.'”
“Repeat that text for the rest of the month.” – UsernameTaken93456
After receiving feedback, the OP shared a few updates in the comments.
“Tomorrow I’m going to call around EVERYWHERE just to find anyone who will see me, even if they’re miles away. I don’t care at this point, I just want to know what’s going on with me.”
“Hey, so the good news is I managed to find a place that’ll see me tomorrow! It’s farther than I would’ve liked, but I’m just relieved to be getting seen. Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“The bad news is I still haven’t spoken to my sister, and I’ve started developing huge bruises on my legs.”
The subReddit was worried for the OP and what she was going through, and they were furious on her behalf about how her family was treating her.
Clearly, the OP couldn’t just cancel her symptoms to go on a trip. Rather, the family could have gone without her to the amusement park or rescheduled their travel plans.