Anyone who has worked in retail or the food service industry knows the annoyance of being asked to cover a shift for a coworker, and they likely remember someone who made a habit of asking.
But someone else’s emergency and needing to get time off is not our responsibility, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, as much as we might like to help.
Redditor CraveHalo had been open to helping her coworker in the past year, fairly frequently, because she empathized with her demands of being an employee and a mother.
But when the mom asked the Original Poster (OP) to cover for her on a day that she couldn’t, she was shocked when the mom spread gossip around the office about her being selfish, lazy, and disrespectful to mothers.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for refusing to cover my coworker’s shifts after she called me lazy for not having kids?”
The OP had a busy life outside of work.
“I (28 Female) work full-time in retail, and as anyone who’s worked retail knows, it can be pretty exhausting.”
“I’ve got a busy life outside of work, trying to balance my hobbies, taking care of my apartment, seeing friends, and just taking care of myself. You know, normal adult stuff.”
“I don’t have kids, but that doesn’t mean I’m lounging around with endless free time.”
The OP tried to be understanding of her coworkers’ needs and help out when she could.
“One of my coworkers, Sarah (32 Female), has two young kids. She’s always asking people to cover her shifts, which I understand because being a mom is hard and things come up.”
“Over the past year, I’ve covered for her quite a few times when she had to leave early or couldn’t make it in because of some kid emergency. I did it out of kindness because I get that life can be unpredictable, and I wanted to help her out.”
“But I’ve started to notice that I’m one of the only ones she asks to help cover her shifts. It’s like she expects me to do it just because I don’t have the same responsibilities as her.”
Instead of being equally understanding, Sarah lashed out when the OP couldn’t cover for her.
“Last week, she asked me again to cover for her because her kid had a school event.”
“Normally, I’d try to help, but I already had plans to spend the day with my sister, who I hadn’t seen in a while.”
“I told Sarah I couldn’t this time, and she just sighed and said, ‘Must be nice to have all that free time. You don’t have kids, so it’s not like you’re busy with anything important.'”
“I was pretty taken aback. I told her, ‘Just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean I don’t have a life. My time is important, too.'”
“She kind of rolled her eyes and walked away, but I could tell she wasn’t happy with me.”
But then Sarah made the situation worse by sharing her problems around the workplace.
“Now she’s been telling our other coworkers that I’m selfish and don’t understand how hard it is to be a mom.”
“A couple of them have started acting a bit distant toward me, and I overheard one of them saying something like, ‘She has it easy, no wonder she doesn’t get it.'”
“I didn’t realize not having kids made me less deserving of respect at work.”
“What really gets me is that I’ve always tried to help when I could. But just because I don’t have kids doesn’t mean my life is suddenly stress-free or that I can drop everything at a moment’s notice.”
“I feel like Sarah doesn’t respect my time at all, and that really bothers me.”
The OP didn’t have anyone to support her in this situation.
“I ended up mentioning it to my manager, hoping for a little understanding, but they just said it was a ‘personal conflict’ and didn’t want to get involved. So now I’m stuck feeling like the bad guy because I said no for once.”
“I honestly don’t think it’s fair to expect me to cover her shifts all the time just because I don’t have children. I have responsibilities, too, and I deserve to have a life outside of work.”
“But some of my coworkers seem to think I should be helping out more because Sarah’s a mom and I’m not.”
“Am I being selfish here for wanting to see my sister?”
“And am I wrong for finally standing my ground and refusing to cover her shifts anymore after she basically called me lazy?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some empathized with the OP about unfair work treatment because of not having children.
“I worked when my kids were little, too. I also worked my fair share of holidays when I was in retail. I never asked for anybody to cover my shift. I always let my manager know if there was a doctor’s appointment or school function that I needed time off for. It’s not hard.”
“OP, she’s being entitled, and you don’t owe her anything. If she and her mean girl friends ignore you and whatnot, just consider it a blessing.”
“You have every right to live your life for yourself, not her. She chose to have kids, and they’re her responsibility.”
“Since it seems to happen so often, I’m wondering if she’s actually using the kids as an excuse so that she doesn’t have to work.” – otter_mayhem
“I was scheduled for the first Christmas Day we were open (a casino), and I decided I wasn’t doing it again. All the parents fought for prime summer weeks during the first round of vacation picks. I chose Christmas Eve to New Year’s Eve.”
“Then Christmas came around, and they were b*tching because I didn’t have kids, and them spending Christmas with their kids was more important than what I was doing.”
“I told them directly to f**k off and informed them my mom had late-stage breast cancer, I am her kid, and I’m not missing her last Christmas or two for them because they wanted to go away in the summer. I left two years later and I got to enjoy (mostly) the last three Christmas days with my mom and family.” – ConsciousSurvey7009
“NTA. It’s a shame these people are burning a bridge because I wouldn’t ever cover their shifts again after this whole interaction.” – Immediate-Vanilla-45
“You’ve been taken advantage of.”
“And now, because just for once, you said, ‘no,’ suddenly you’re being accused of being selfish.”
“I’m 46 and don’t have kids. My choice. And yes, it makes life easier. And it does mean that I can offer flexibility at work, which benefits me and my employer.”
“But, just occasionally, I will say ‘no’ to a swap precisely because I don’t want to be viewed as a walk-over. You have to do this sometimes; otherwise, guess who would end up working every single public holiday?” – Skylon77
“NTA. Lord, as someone who’s about to be a parent, IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO MAKE SARAH’S LIFE EASIER. She chose to have children, and her lack of planning is not an emergency on your part.”
“The coworkers calling you selfish can take her shifts if they’re so worried about her.”
“You are in a different stage of life, and you may decide not to have kids. Not taking her shifts does not make you selfish. Your personal life is just as important as her personal life.”
“Tell Sarah you will no longer be covering her shifts, and if she continues to spread rumors and talk bad about you, tell your boss she is creating a ‘hostile work environment.’ Buzzwords like that always seem to light a fire under their ass. If your boss won’t help, keep going up the chain.” – BookDragon1108
Others agreed and felt Sarah should have been grateful instead of gossiping.
“This is called discrimination based on familial status. It was enacted to protect people with kids from being treated like s**t because of obligations at home, but it works both ways.”
“What if you care for your parents? Pets? A member of a family of choice? Yourself? Discrimination is wrong.”
“Does she think insulting your life makes you wanna help her out? She’s the selfish one.” – deniablw
“NTA… you have been quite generous in helping her. Now, the one time you had plans and couldn’t take her shift, she starts bad-mouthing you.”
“The next time she asks, I would say, ‘No, and because you disrespected me and started bad-mouthing me when I had plans, I wouldn’t drop for you. I will not take any more shifts for you. You intentionally made my work environment hostile because you didn’t get your way. I am not willing to stay extra time in an uncomfortable situation to help the person who made it uncomfortable. Don’t even ask.'” – LVBorzoi
“Nice. Now she has a reason to never cover another one of her shifts again.”
“Hope that passive-aggressive comment was worth it for Sarah.”
“It’s a weird thing that some women feel like when they perceive other women to be doing less than them that they are entitled to get them to do more; you see it at family gatherings when getting things ready.”
“It’s weird that Sarah feels that OP should be doing more to help HER. OP has absolutely nothing to do with Sarah and her life, what the f**k was she thinking?” – Alternative_Beat2498
“NTA. You need to shut her down.”
“If she ever comes to you again, make sure you say, ‘In the past, I picked up your shifts because I appreciated your situation, and I THOUGHT you appreciated my help. But then, the first time, I was unable to, due to a commitment to MY family, you saw fit to belittle and demean me both to my face and then behind my back to our coworkers.'”
“‘So guess what? Now, I have absolutely NO interest in granting you favors or the privilege of my personal time. So, do not come to me with ANY request that is not directly involved with my expected day to day duties. Period.'”
“And make sure to tell your supervisor exactly the same, and make him include it in your work file and her work file.” – Dragonwyck13
“My kids are pretty self-sufficient, and I find myself looking after my dad more now. I am always there to yell at him for being on ladders and lifting heavy s**t after surgeries (he’s fine; he just didn’t take care of his body when he was younger and apparently has decided to continue doing that).”
“That’s as important as any other family obligations.”
“I’ve been covering for a coworker for the past several weeks (she is in her 60s) so she can take care of her dad after he had a stroke. I also covered for someone else recently so he and his gf could have a garage sale. People covered for me when I got hurt in a car accident and when I had to go to the hospital, as well as back when my kids were kids and would get sick.”
“It’s not about who has kids; it’s about taking care of each other, and OP has gone above and beyond to do that for a coworker. The coworker had every opportunity to show appreciation for the help, but she never took it. Instead, she decided to berate OP for stuff that isn’t her business.” – oo-momx83
The subReddit was furious on the OP’s behalf and supported her fully in never covering for Sarah, or any of the coworkers who were icing the OP out, after the trouble Sarah had started.
It would be one thing to ask someone to cover for you and then to be a little disappointed or overwhelmed when they said no, because you have to figure out then what else you can do.
But it’s something else entirely when you belittle someone for being unable to dig you out of your own emergency, and it rhymes with “hostile work environment.”