Naming a child is often the first big challenge new parents face.
While some people grow up knowing the exact names their children will have, it can be a harsh reality when they discover their partner doesn’t share their excitement over those names.
Further complicating matters, is that nearly all friends and family members often feel the need to share their thoughts on what the baby should be named as well.
Even worse, those same friends and family members will also have an opinion on what they finally decided to name their child, and often aren’t afraid to share that opinion.
Redditor Any-Bit2864 has an unusual name, chosen by her late mother.
When the original poster (OP) became pregnant with her first child, she intended to follow her mother’s tradition and the style of name her child would get.
Something the OP’s father and stepmother were less than excited about her doing, resulting in some choice words between them,
Having some doubts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my family they don’t get a say on my child’s name and I do not want my child’s name to blend in with theirs?”
The OP explained why her name choice for her unborn child didn’t sit well with her father and stepmother:
“My husband and I (both 25) are expecting a baby together.”
“I’m having some trouble with my family over the name.”
“Background I don’t share the same mom as my siblings.”
“My parents had me and my mom chose my name.”
“It’s not your typical name.”
“It’s a nature name, which she also had, and isn’t one of the common types like Lily or Rose for example.”
“My parents bickered over my name according to dad and mom ended up choosing my first name while dad chose my middle name.”
“My parents marriage wasn’t great and by the time my mom died when I was 5, dad had met my stepmom ‘Jane’.”
“For a while after my dad and Jane moved in together they asked me if I would like to use my middle name ‘Claire’ instead of my first name ‘Acacia’.”
“I didn’t want to use my middle name and dad was a little upset but they let it drop.”
“My dad and Jane were more compatible with their naming preferences and my siblings names are more expected.”
“Elizabeth, James, Hannah, Michael, etc.”
“My name did get comments and I would proudly tell people my mom named me.”
“It wasn’t easy for Jane to hear and my family didn’t love it.”
“I love my family but I was always proud of being named by my mom and never cared that I stood out.”
“I never wanted to be more like them or blend in with them better.”
“It was a connection to my mom that made me proud.”
“When I was younger I used to talk about carrying on with naturey themed and more uncommon names when I had kids.”
“Based off that, my family questioned when we told them I’m pregnant if we planned to do just that.”
“We do, but we did not tell them that.”
“We told them we would be discussing names and would announce after our baby was born.”
“My family made suggestions.”
“Jane made suggestions that she thought were ‘darling’ and would ‘blend in so beautifully with the family’.”
“I told them we didn’t need the names and asked them to please stop suggesting them.”
“Talk of the baby shower and planning on that has brought this more to the focus for my family.”
“They told me they feel we should take their thoughts on board and my dad said I should consider not letting my baby’s name stand out among theirs the way mine did.”
“My siblings wanted me to consider Jane and how she would feel if I copy my mom’s style and stay far away from hers when she has been raising me for years and hearing me bask in the joy of people knowing my mom named me.”
“I reached the end of my rope and told them all that they don’t get a say on my baby’s name and that I don’t want my child’s name to blend in with theirs.”
“That it doesn’t matter the way they seem to think.”
“And the way they make it sound, it’s like telling me I have to choose between them and my mom or more accurately Jane and my mom.”
“They told me I was callously dismissing their feelings and what this means to them and what message I’m sending to others.”
“They said I started it years ago by making it clear I wanted to name my kids like mom named me.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for telling her father and stepmother she was not interested in their name suggestions.
Everyone agreed that the OP was the only one who had any say in what their child should be named, and had every right to tell her father and Jane to stop suggesting names, with many horrified that they tried to get the OP to change her name.
“I think the thing that rubs me the wrong way is that rather than pick names for the other kids that blended with their already existing child, they picked very different names and then made a big stink about how you were ‘different’, even going so far as to try to get you to change your name so you’d for better.”
“Now they’re rubbing salt into the wound by trying to make sure the baby doesn’t match YOU either.”
“”Well.You don’t want the little one to be a left-out weirdo like you, do you?'”
“But whose fault was that, anyway?!?”
“A child who is different should be a celebration or a happy coincidence and not a thing they’re….what, embarrassed about?”
“NTA.”
“These people suck.”- mutinybeer
“Frankly, I would name the kid after your mother after all this harassment.”
“Both first and middle name.”
“NTA.”- SpaceJesusIsHere
“Is it their child?”
“No?”
“Then they don’t get to name said child.”
“End of story.”
“NTA sweetheart.”
“Enjoy your pregnancy.”
“You don’t need this rubbish.”- eaunoway
“To be frank, I knew that your family were both weirdos and automatically in the wrong in whatever the situation was, the moment you said that they tried to force a 5 year old (!) to use a different name, like you were a re-homed puppy.”
“NTA.”
“Please have way less contact with them.”
“They are not good people.”- RishaBree
“NTA.”
“Well Jane, my partner and I are starting our own family and the name we’re going to go with will blend perfectly.”
“Thank you for your suggestion, but please respect my choice in this matter.”- FARTSINAJAR69420
“Your dad got to name his children.”
“Your stepmom got to name hers.”
“They don’t get another bite at the apple because they have aged out of baby making.”
“So, NTA.”
“I have a unique name myself.”
“I have always embraced my Creole name and most of the people who are goofy enough to inquire about my name don’t even realize that all of my many siblings have Creole names as well.”
“And we all like the names we have.”
“So, now that I’m old – I have no trouble going on record saying this is an unworthy argument coming from your dad and your stepmom because their distress is manufactured and shouldn’t be validated.”
“‘You can get a dog and call it whatever you want dad’.”
“‘But, my baby won’t be your puppy’.”
“‘You need to stand down and stop working so hard to reengineer me after I have been on the planet more than 25 years’.”
“‘This is about you feeling dissatisfied with not getting your way when I was born’.”
“‘You don’t get to take that out on me anymore and you definitely don’t need to seek a Mulligan with my child’.”
“‘Grow up for grief’s sake’.”
“‘This is not just insulting’.”
“‘And repeatedly doing the same thing while all the while expecting a different result is truly the definition of insanity’.”
“‘Its like you guys are Wise Men following a star and come to gift my baby with Dominance, Aggression and Hostility’.”
“‘How can this be healthy of you to do?'”- AndSoItGoes24
What the OP’s father doesn’t seem to be realizing, is that her name is clearly something the OP holds dear to her in keeping her mother’s legacy alive.
Something she is clearly intending to do with her soon-to-be-born child as well.
If the OP’s father wants to have any kind of relationship with his grandchild, he’d better learn to stop looking at the OP’s unusual name with shame and instead share it with pride.