27-year-old Redditor ThrowRA-affairs was incredulous when her 28-year-old best friend from childhood approached her with a startling revelation but had no proof.
Wondering if she was in denial about the new information, she visited the Relationship Advice subReddit and wrote:
“My best friend told me she was having an affair with my husband (28 M[ale])… I don’t believe her.”
The Original Poster (OP) explained what happened.
“Yesterday, my best friend of forever, came to my house to tearfully confess she had been having an affair with my husband.”
“She gave me a lot of details including the places they slept together, how often it happened, when it started, etc. She was very apologetic but told me she had to tell me the truth because her daughter (1 F[emale]) deserved to know her daddy.”
“Honestly, I was in shock and didn’t say much.”
“I haven’t confronted my husband yet as he works long hours and I went to sleep before he got home.”
“The more I think about it, though, the less I believe her. For one, when I asked her to show me proof, she claimed she would send it to me later, but she still hasn’t done it.”
“There’s also the fact that when my husband first asked me out my best friend tried to discourage me from dating him, she did the same thing when he proposed and if I ever mention even the slightest disagreement she insists I should get a divorce.”
“She also admitted to me after we got engaged that she had been planning to ask him out before he asked me out, but she took too long. There also hasn’t been any signs that my husband is/was having an affair.”
“I know I’m going to have to talk to my husband about this, but I want to do it in a way that doesn’t sound accusatory. How do I do that?”
“Also, do I sound like I’m in denial?”
Redditors weighed in with their observations, starting with this person’s suggestion on how the OP should confront her husband.
“Husband, first off, you’ve never given me any reason not to trust you. I want to make that clear. But BestFriend is making claims, with no proof, that you’re the father of her child.”
“She’s always had an unhealthy fixation with you, and I trust you more than I trust her, but if anything has happened between you please tell me now.”
“Either way, I think we should get a paternity test immediately before she has any chance to harm your reputation or interfere with our family any further.” – PrimordiaPawnee
“Tell him to demand a paternity test, not because you don’t believe him, but because you want absolute, presentable proof of her lies in case she spreads this story online or in person.” – INTJedi
“I want to add to this. OP you are in legal territory right now. Your friend has committed defamation against your husband (if this is a lie) by claiming to you, a third party, that your husband is having an affair.”
“A paternity test is the first step in the process of determining what to do next. Additionally how are you communicating with your friend?”
“If it is via text or some other written format make sure to have permanent records of them, i.e. screen shotting the texts and printing them out before putting them somewhere secure. Additionally your husband should be very interested in the fact he might be getting shaken down for child support.” – Thirtyk94
“Screw asking, she needs to DEMAND it ASAP or if not get it terminate that friendship ASAP Also if they had only been together a year and her baby is a year old then he can’t be the daddy.”
“Unless that is the fastest pregnancy in history’s record as a pregnancy is 40 weeks or 9 1/2 months then that baby ain’t the hubby’s and the b*tch friend is lying” – Natural-Special-2547
“The things to stress:”
“1. I trust you. I believe you.”
“2. If there is anything she could have misunderstood to lead to building this fantasy, now is our time to talk about that. Let’s lay it all out so we know what WE are dealing with.”
“3. WE need to decide how WE are going to handle this before she starts any public smear campaign. Emphasize you two are a team here.”
“4. How do you (asking your husband, he’s her focus, he need to have some control) feel about demanding a paternity test to stop all this before she twists her child into this?”
“5. Is there anything you think WE should do to get in front of this before she starts taking this story public and trying to hurt us?”
“My husband and I did not face a slander quite as bad as yours, but had something similar happen involving an ex if his. Being completely honest with each other from day one and agreeing on a team approach helped us ride out her crazy without to much damage.”
“Edit to clarify, point 4 is a question to ask your husband.” – Unusual-Leadership17
The OP was encouraged to avoid using certain words in order to have an effective discussion with her husband.
“LPT: don’t use the word but. It completely negates everything you said before it. When you use but, what you’re saying is that you don’t actually value anything you put before it because of some other reason.”
“‘I’m not saying you’re a cheater but…’ is literally the same thing as saying ‘I think there’s a possibility that you could actually be cheating on me.'”
“Also don’t use ‘first off’ because you putting someone on the defensive and intentionally setting up a negative conversation.”
“Your conversation should be more directly to the point. ‘my friend is making some outrageous claims after being fixated on you for so many years, claiming that you’re even the father of her child. I trust you and want to get something more concrete to make her stop. Would you agree to a paternity test to put an end to her obsession with you?'”
“At this point the conversation is simple. Either he agrees to because he did nothing wrong or he does not agree because he did something wrong.” – AlarmingTurnover
“From what I see you have a ‘best friend’ that is trying to manipulate you into divorcing your husband. My ex´s best friend was just like that. Although I find it somewhat suspicious that she put herself in the position of having seduced him; she could have just taken some mutual friend.”
“People tend to elaborate more when lying because they think it´ll make them more credible. But in the end I can´t decide if I would believe her for I don´t know enough about the situation.”
“For when you talk to your husband: Start off with something like. ‘Hey, so x told me something that happened between the two of you. *long pause* I don´t want to sound accusatory and I´m really sorry if I do.'”
“If he, during that pause, starts to behave awkwardly or weird, then there might be something he´s regretful about or at least uncomfortable i.e. things he might have done with her that wouldn´t be considered cheating/being unfaithful but could have made you a little angry jealous.”
“Don´t go to cold otherwise he might defensive leading to an escalation. If he truly loves he would be worried and try to figure out what´s up as soon as possible.”
“Hope I could help you a little bit! Keep us updated!!” – the_holy_land
Overall, Redditors were quick to remind the OP that her “best friend” was not a friend at all and that a paternity test was absolutely compulsory.
In an update, the OP wrote:
“I spoke to my husband. I told him there was a rumor going around that my best friend’s daughter was his, he seemed confused but not suspicious.”
“Since a lot of people are asking… an update is she told me they’ve already done a paternity test and she’ll send me the results.”
“I’ve been asking her for proof all day she keeps saying she’ll send it ‘soon’.”
“She hasn’t shown me any evidence yet. She said my husband did know but he couldn’t be involved with the baby in case I caught him which was why she was coming clean.”
“My plans are to block her if she doesn’t send me proof in the next two hours. I’ve already tried talking to her but she keeps deflecting my requests for proof so, yeah.”