Some people just can't take a hint when it comes to flirting.
And other people can't take a big blinking NO sign.
There is nothing wrong with flirting, when all the parties are involved.
But if someone says they're married and it's a no, that should be it.
Right?
Case in point...
Redditor PossieL wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
"AITA for embarrassing our female coworker?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Both my husband and I work for a dispensary as co-owners and managers."
"He is inventory manager and I'm kitchen manager, though up until last month I was at a different shop."
"I recently got the transfer approval."
"In our shop we only employ 11 people (3 women including me, 8 men)."
"One of the women is the owner's wife and she handles the finances and the other woman 'Jen' handles the front end."
"Now to be blunt here, Jen is a freaking smoke show."
"Drop dead gorgeous young lady and to be blunt again, all the men here drool over her."
"Probably my husband included."
"I mean, even I drool over her, let's be honest."
"But she is also... I don't know how to put it... she runs through the men here."
"She has already 'dated' or hooked up with 3 of them and recently her eyes went to my husband."
"I'm used to this type of behavior because my husband is also a solid 10 on a bad day."
"But she also knows he is married so there is definitely a disrespectful aspect of things there."
"However, she did NOT know that I was his wife until this morning."
"So my husband came to me yesterday and was like..."
"'Listen, Jen has been trying to take breaks with me and she often gets in to my truck without asking whenever she sees me sitting outside, asking that I smoke her up and being flirty' (like touching his arms and legs type of s**t)."
"So I asked if he wanted me to handle it and he said 'please, but don't be rude about it.'"
"Because he had already told her several times he was married and her only response is 'Oh I already know that' and continues on her BS."
"Well I knew his break was at 10 and I made a point to come out a few minutes later."
"I walk to the truck and low and behold, Jen is in the front seat."
"I hear my husband say 'that's my wife's seat' and she just giggles and says she is keeping it warm."
"Please note we are in our 30s and this girl is 23."
"So I go up to the window and say 'thanks for keeping my seat warm but I'm here now.'"
"She just scowls at me and says 'we are kind of talking here,' so I go 'yes, I see that and now I would like to speak to my husband' with a smile on my face."
"Her face drops and she gets out quickly."
"Now the problem is that 3 of the guys were sitting there too and they immediately start laughing."
"Which embarrassed her even more."
"The owner's wife said I should have pulled Jen aside and said something versus embarrass her in front of everyone."
"AITA? Apparently Jen and the owners wife are the only two who think so."
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"NTA, wait, so your husband directly told her to stop her behavior, it was unprofessional/unwanted, it's not cute or funny or whatever, and she continued to harass him?"
"Why has she just not been fired?" ~ sunfloweries
"Any real HR manager would recognize the level of risk here right away."
"She is harassing employees, which opens the company up to legal risk."
"It doesn't matter if you're somehow related to the owner."
"It still makes the company liable for damages if someone gets harassed and sues and can show the company didn't take appropriate steps to deal with it once it came to light."
"Even if the owners don't particularly care about being decent people when it comes to sexual harassment."
"They should at least care about the legal/financial risk they take on by allowing this behavior." ~ Kitchen-Reading-2387
"I think it's time for the 3 of them to give the owner an ultimatum together."
"They did not consent to work in an environment where they're required to tolerate this."
'Is this young lawsuit magnet really more valuable to the owner than multiple employees?"
"NTA Unite."
"Keep documenting and reporting each and every unwelcome incident."
'And telling her off as publicly and loudly as possible." ~ JuliaX1984
"If it were reversed I would not be surprised if it had the same outcome."
"'If the sexes were reversed' doesn't work here because when the sexes are reversed the perpetrators still get away with it if they're related to the owner/have power in the company."
"NTA for OP though." ~ StariUniverse
"NTA. You didn't embarrass her, she embarrassed herself."
"You actually handled the situation very maturely." ~ Weekly_Guava801
"Yup. The embarrassment started when Jen made a fool of herself by 'dating' coworkers one after another."
"It was compounded when she persisted in hitting on a married man."
"You don't turn your workplace into a conquest ground for a reason."
"People gossip, especially at a small workplace like that."
"Those guys laughed because Jen finally got her comeuppance, not because of OP's last comeback."
"Which, all things considered, was very sensible, mature, and PG13."
"I'm not sure I could have responded with that much poise and class."
"Jen and the owner/wife brought this on themselves. OP NTA." ~ Kiruna235
"Someone did something similar to my husband."
"We were at a concert in a club, I was up getting drinks, he was saving the bench seat for us."
"I come back to where he's sitting to see some little early-20's thing and her friend flirting with him (sitting on either side)."
"I walk up and say 'excuse me.'"
"Thing1 puts her hand on his upper, inner thigh and says 'uh, and you are...?'"
"I respond 'his wife.'"
"The two of them bolted out of there, and I didn't see them for the rest of the concert."
"OP, definitely NTA."
"Just trying to talk to her wasn't going to get anywhere."
"She would have likely kept doing it just to piss you off and somehow attempt to 'prove' he wanted her more than he wanted you."
"Blatant embarrassment is the only way to get through to people like that."
"The fact that the other male co-workers laughed just means they've been waiting for something like this to happen." ~ kaett
"NTA. For people incapable of learning that ‘No’ is a complete sentence, shame and embarrassment are highly effective teachers."
"You managed the situation perfectly." ~MindlessSky9
"NTA. She is 23."
"Why should YOU the person she is openly disrespecting have to be the one to have a care for HER feefees."
"Nonsense. But also, your husband should shut this down."
"You are not his caretaker or keeper."
"If he can't tell the girl to get out of his car, he needs to see a therapist and learn about basic boundaries."
"It's pretty weak sauce that he cant do that on his own." ~ Silmariel
"He already tried to shut it down by telling her TWICE that he was married."
"He even told her that as OP was walking up to the truck."
"Yet she refused to back off."
"Any halfway decent person would have taken the hint and stopped after the 1st statement."
"I can understand why the husband got OP involved at this point."
"Situations like these are hard to navigate especially when the person causing the issues is used to being given preferential treatment due to being related, by marriage, to the owner." ~ CelticFire28
"NTA not even a little bit."
"You were extra nice, and frankly nothing about her behavior warrants you being nice."
"I think she learned her lesson, and will stay away from your husband from now on." ~ ed_lv
"I sure hope so."
"I just can't understand people thinking behavior like that is acceptable and OP put the foot down gently as could be."
"Also doubling up my NTA vote for using 'blunt' and 'smoke show.'"
"They may not have been intentional puns but I was delighted nonetheless." ~ Impossible_Try76
OP returned for an update...
"He personally has only reported it once."
"As it just recently started happening and he does have the written statement he made to the owner's wife."
"This was 5 days ago."
"However there are two other male employees whom have reported her at least 3 times between the two of them."
"And one of them didn't get a written statement, as the owners wife said it wasn't necessary."
"ETA: this girl has been reported to HR."
"However, in a blurred lines version of events, Jen is the owner's wife's cousin."
"Therefore none of the reports are taken seriously and likely never will be."
Well OP, Reddit understands your issue.
It's unfortunate when people can't respect the boundaries of other's relationships.
You needed to speak and so you did.
Hopefully Jen learned a lesson and this has a peaceful resolution.
Good luck.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.