Some people just can’t take a hint when it comes to flirting.
And other people can’t take a big blinking NO sign.
There is nothing wrong with flirting, when all the parties are involved.
But if someone says they’re married and it’s a no, that should be it.
Right?
Case in point…
Redditor PossieL wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for embarrassing our female coworker?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Both my husband and I work for a dispensary as co-owners and managers.”
“He is inventory manager and I’m kitchen manager, though up until last month I was at a different shop.”
“I recently got the transfer approval.”
“In our shop we only employ 11 people (3 women including me, 8 men).”
“One of the women is the owner’s wife and she handles the finances and the other woman ‘Jen’ handles the front end.”
“Now to be blunt here, Jen is a freaking smoke show.”
“Drop dead gorgeous young lady and to be blunt again, all the men here drool over her.”
“Probably my husband included.”
“I mean, even I drool over her, let’s be honest.”
“But she is also… I don’t know how to put it… she runs through the men here.”
“She has already ‘dated’ or hooked up with 3 of them and recently her eyes went to my husband.”
“I’m used to this type of behavior because my husband is also a solid 10 on a bad day.”
“But she also knows he is married so there is definitely a disrespectful aspect of things there.”
“However, she did NOT know that I was his wife until this morning.”
“So my husband came to me yesterday and was like…”
“‘Listen, Jen has been trying to take breaks with me and she often gets in to my truck without asking whenever she sees me sitting outside, asking that I smoke her up and being flirty’ (like touching his arms and legs type of s**t).”
“So I asked if he wanted me to handle it and he said ‘please, but don’t be rude about it.'”
“Because he had already told her several times he was married and her only response is ‘Oh I already know that’ and continues on her BS.”
“Well I knew his break was at 10 and I made a point to come out a few minutes later.”
“I walk to the truck and low and behold, Jen is in the front seat.”
“I hear my husband say ‘that’s my wife’s seat’ and she just giggles and says she is keeping it warm.”
“Please note we are in our 30s and this girl is 23.”
“So I go up to the window and say ‘thanks for keeping my seat warm but I’m here now.'”
“She just scowls at me and says ‘we are kind of talking here,’ so I go ‘yes, I see that and now I would like to speak to my husband’ with a smile on my face.”
“Her face drops and she gets out quickly.”
“Now the problem is that 3 of the guys were sitting there too and they immediately start laughing.”
“Which embarrassed her even more.”
“The owner’s wife said I should have pulled Jen aside and said something versus embarrass her in front of everyone.”
“AITA? Apparently Jen and the owners wife are the only two who think so.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA, wait, so your husband directly told her to stop her behavior, it was unprofessional/unwanted, it’s not cute or funny or whatever, and she continued to harass him?”
“Why has she just not been fired?” ~ sunfloweries
“Any real HR manager would recognize the level of risk here right away.”
“She is harassing employees, which opens the company up to legal risk.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re somehow related to the owner.”
“It still makes the company liable for damages if someone gets harassed and sues and can show the company didn’t take appropriate steps to deal with it once it came to light.”
“Even if the owners don’t particularly care about being decent people when it comes to sexual harassment.”
“They should at least care about the legal/financial risk they take on by allowing this behavior.” ~ Kitchen-Reading-2387
“I think it’s time for the 3 of them to give the owner an ultimatum together.”
“They did not consent to work in an environment where they’re required to tolerate this.”
‘Is this young lawsuit magnet really more valuable to the owner than multiple employees?”
“NTA Unite.”
“Keep documenting and reporting each and every unwelcome incident.”
‘And telling her off as publicly and loudly as possible.” ~ JuliaX1984
“If it were reversed I would not be surprised if it had the same outcome.”
“‘If the sexes were reversed’ doesn’t work here because when the sexes are reversed the perpetrators still get away with it if they’re related to the owner/have power in the company.”
“NTA for OP though.” ~ StariUniverse
“NTA. You didn’t embarrass her, she embarrassed herself.”
“You actually handled the situation very maturely.” ~ Weekly_Guava801
“Yup. The embarrassment started when Jen made a fool of herself by ‘dating’ coworkers one after another.”
“It was compounded when she persisted in hitting on a married man.”
“You don’t turn your workplace into a conquest ground for a reason.”
“People gossip, especially at a small workplace like that.”
“Those guys laughed because Jen finally got her comeuppance, not because of OP’s last comeback.”
“Which, all things considered, was very sensible, mature, and PG13.”
“I’m not sure I could have responded with that much poise and class.”
“Jen and the owner/wife brought this on themselves. OP NTA.” ~ Kiruna235
“Someone did something similar to my husband.”
“We were at a concert in a club, I was up getting drinks, he was saving the bench seat for us.”
“I come back to where he’s sitting to see some little early-20’s thing and her friend flirting with him (sitting on either side).”
“I walk up and say ‘excuse me.'”
“Thing1 puts her hand on his upper, inner thigh and says ‘uh, and you are…?'”
“I respond ‘his wife.'”
“The two of them bolted out of there, and I didn’t see them for the rest of the concert.”
“OP, definitely NTA.”
“Just trying to talk to her wasn’t going to get anywhere.”
“She would have likely kept doing it just to piss you off and somehow attempt to ‘prove’ he wanted her more than he wanted you.”
“Blatant embarrassment is the only way to get through to people like that.”
“The fact that the other male co-workers laughed just means they’ve been waiting for something like this to happen.” ~ kaett
“NTA. For people incapable of learning that ‘No’ is a complete sentence, shame and embarrassment are highly effective teachers.”
“You managed the situation perfectly.” ~MindlessSky9
“NTA. She is 23.”
“Why should YOU the person she is openly disrespecting have to be the one to have a care for HER feefees.”
“Nonsense. But also, your husband should shut this down.”
“You are not his caretaker or keeper.”
“If he can’t tell the girl to get out of his car, he needs to see a therapist and learn about basic boundaries.”
“It’s pretty weak sauce that he cant do that on his own.” ~ Silmariel
“He already tried to shut it down by telling her TWICE that he was married.”
“He even told her that as OP was walking up to the truck.”
“Yet she refused to back off.”
“Any halfway decent person would have taken the hint and stopped after the 1st statement.”
“I can understand why the husband got OP involved at this point.”
“Situations like these are hard to navigate especially when the person causing the issues is used to being given preferential treatment due to being related, by marriage, to the owner.” ~ CelticFire28
“NTA not even a little bit.”
“You were extra nice, and frankly nothing about her behavior warrants you being nice.”
“I think she learned her lesson, and will stay away from your husband from now on.” ~ ed_lv
“I sure hope so.”
“I just can’t understand people thinking behavior like that is acceptable and OP put the foot down gently as could be.”
“Also doubling up my NTA vote for using ‘blunt’ and ‘smoke show.'”
“They may not have been intentional puns but I was delighted nonetheless.” ~ Impossible_Try76
OP returned for an update…
“He personally has only reported it once.”
“As it just recently started happening and he does have the written statement he made to the owner’s wife.”
“This was 5 days ago.”
“However there are two other male employees whom have reported her at least 3 times between the two of them.”
“And one of them didn’t get a written statement, as the owners wife said it wasn’t necessary.”
“ETA: this girl has been reported to HR.”
“However, in a blurred lines version of events, Jen is the owner’s wife’s cousin.”
“Therefore none of the reports are taken seriously and likely never will be.”
Well OP, Reddit understands your issue.
It’s unfortunate when people can’t respect the boundaries of other’s relationships.
You needed to speak and so you did.
Hopefully Jen learned a lesson and this has a peaceful resolution.
Good luck.