While some people utterly loathe being the center of attention, others simply can’t bear it when they are not.
That being said, even those who loathe it don’t mind it on certain occasions specifically intended to celebrate them, such as birthdays, weddings, or baby showers.
As a result, should someone divert the attention away from them and over to themselves, the ones being overlooked are understandably perturbed.
Redditor KikiBebz717 was looking forward to her upcoming baby shower, celebrating the arrival of her first child.
However, after seeing the way a coworker of her husband behaved at another friend’s baby shower, the original poster (OP) made it abundantly clear to her husband that this coworker wasn’t welcome.
A demand the OP’s husband found out of line.
Wondering if she was being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my husband’s pregnant former coworker to my baby shower because I don’t want her to steal the spotlight?”
The OP explained why they didn’t want their husband’s coworker present at her baby shower:
“Hi, I (30 F[emale]) am pregnant and due in April.”
“My husband (35 M[ale]) and I have a baby shower planned next month to celebrate with friends and relatives.”
“This event is very important and meaningful to me as I have not publicly shared the news with my friends and family on any social platform (i.e. Instagram, FB, the usual).”
“My husband is super excited to invite all his friends from work and other social circles to the baby shower, most of whom I generally like and get along with–except for one.”
“Let’s call her Sharon.”
“Sharon is my husband’s former coworker, and she is also pregnant (a few months after me).”
“I never saw Sharon as a real problem up until last week, where my husband and I attended another good friend’s baby shower (where Sharon was also invited).”
“Prior to attending the event, my husband told me to make sure to wear a jacket and keep my baby bump as discreet as possible so that I don’t steal the spotlight from my friend, which I completely agree and respect.”
“I was shocked when Sharon showed up wearing the tightest maternity bodycon dress one could ever imagine.”
“Her baby bump was extremely prominent and shown in such a way where it essentially forces the conversation on her pregnancy.”
“This was almost everyone’s FIRST TIME seeing her baby bump; some people didn’t even know she was pregnant!”
“It was incredibly uncomfortable for me as I watched the energy shift from my friend to Sharon.”
“People were more interested in Sharon’s baby, asking the usual 20 questions people are keen to ask when they find out someone is expecting.”
“And the worst part is, Sharon seemed to bask in the spotlight and gleefully answered everyone’s questions.”
“After witnessing that debacle, I no longer wanted Sharon at my baby shower.”
“Her selfish behavior and attitude made it clear to me that she would try and pull the same exact sh*t at my baby shower.”
“My husband tells me that not inviting her to my baby shower will cause unnecessary drama, since she is friends with the people who are attending.”
“He also told me that we won’t be invited to Sharon’s baby shower and that it will start even more drama, etc, etc…”
“I do care about my husband and the connection he has to his friends, but at the same time, I am hurt that he is not taking my side and understanding why I feel so strongly about this.”
“It just infuriates me that he won’t even acknowledge that what Sharon did is wrong and in poor taste—in fact, he is making me feel like I am being overly sensitive and that I am overthinking everything!”
“I have no one to turn to and I feel that the only course of action for me is to take this girl off the invite list.”
“I am too stressed to think about the consequences this may have on the social group, nor do I have the bandwidth to truly sympathize.”
“I just want to be selfish and think about my baby.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was somewhat divided as to where the OP fell by not wanting Sharon at her baby shower, though she generally did not gain much sympathy.
Some felt that the OP was right that Sharon seemed to like to hog attention from those being celebrated, but also felt that banning her from coming was a bit unreasonable.
“Well, aren’t all of you just incredibly exhausting.”
“Why the big baby shower with people you barely know?”
“Hate to say it, but your husband’s coworkers don’t care about any of this whether she’s there or not.”- GarbageRatSummer
“Telling people how to dress to make sure no one talks to them about their baby is crazy.”
“She may be an attention seeker, and those people are annoying, but ‘dressed in a way that forces the conversation on her pregnancy’?”
“Why could no one pay attention to anyone other than Sharon?”
“Just because she was pregnant?”
“Friend groups often have multiple pregnancies at the same time.”
“Fighting for attention and telling people they have to hide it to come to your party is messed up.”-ZestyFreshh
Others, however, felt the OP was being purely selfish, feeling that Sharon choosing not to hide her pregnant stomach didn’t necessarily mean she was trying to hog the spotlight and she should be the bigger person.
“Why don’t you also make a rule that none of the attendees can speak to each other lest they spend even a second not giving you their undivided attention?”
“Also, confiscate phones and throw them in the toilet.”
“Would hate for anyone to get a pesky phone call about a relative dying just to pull focus from you.”
“Be so interesting that it doesn’t matter to you if someone else gets a moment in the sun.”
“You are the protagonist in your life, not everyone else’s.”
“This will be a special day for you and only a nice day for your guests.”
“Stop trying to control how much attention and focus you get.”
“Friends can be happy for two people at once.”
“It’s not as though she’s going to sit in your husband’s lap and unwrap your presents for you or lean over and blow the candles out on your cake.”
“If someone acts in ‘poor taste,’ it’s only ever a reflection of them, and most grownups know that.”
“I am still deeply confused as to how being visibly pregnant is in poor taste, but however.”
“If you just don’t like the woman, then say that.”
“Interpreting malice out of a dress is an interesting decision to make.”- Accomplished_Note657
“If your friends and family are more interested in a stranger’s pregnancy, then I’d consider it an opportunity to consider my own behavior as to why they’d prefer to focus on someone else.”
“I suspect what really happened is, she showed up in a dress and didn’t hide her bump because why the hell should she, a few people commented and/or asked questions, and then moved on to the woman for whom the shower was being thrown.”
“You don’t want anyone to have any attention at your shower except for you.”
“I suspect you’ll even be jealous if people are congratulating your husband instead of wholly focusing on you.”
“She is not required to wear a sack, and neither are you.”
“Stop being so insecure – give yourself a shake.”
“Other people are allowed to be pregnant at the same time as you.”- Educational-Echo2140
Then, there were those who felt the OP was more than justified in not wanting Sharon at her baby shower, agreeing that she deserved a day centered around her and didn’t need someone stealing the spotlight from her.
“She’s shown you she’s an attention-seeker– believe her.”
“This is worth laying out to DH directly, especially since he went to such lengths to censor YOUR wardrobe for the first shower.”
“He didn’t want YOU to look like an a**hole.”
“But he’s totally okay with SHARON making YOU look like an a-hole at your own party?”
“Something smells a bit like a used diaper genie here, and it’s coming from your husband’s favoritism of another woman.”
“His work friends’ assumed perceptions should NEVER be more important than your security, especially around something like a joint baby shower for your first kid.”- BeckyDaTechie
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be the center of attention every now and then.
However, no one should have to be made to feel bad or awkward about being pregnant at someone else’s baby shower.
After all, having another new mom in your inner circle will likely be a welcome relief down the line.
So rather than exclude Sharon, the OP might want to try and get to know her better.