A wedding day is a huge milestone that requires months of planning, major expenses and can cause lots of anxiety.
So it is completely understandable that any bride would be determined not to let anything—or anyone—upstage her nuptial celebration when the big day arrives.
Redditor 123weddingthrowaway is planning on attending her sister's wedding day, but her plus-one has become the subject of controversy in the family that forced her to air her grievances in the "Am I the A**hole" (AITA) subReddit community as a hypothetical question.
She asked:
"WIBTA [Would I Be the A**hole] if I brought my 'famous' boyfriend to my sister's wedding?"
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
"Throw away for obvious reasons."
"My boyfriend is a 'famous' guy. Not like, Brad Pitt famous or anything, but someone that my particular small town family would recognize, let's just say. Think like... country singer famous?"
"Anyway."
"So my sister is sending out RSVPs for her wedding (which is like, months away, and we don't even know if it's going to get postponed because of [the pandemic])."
"Bf and I have been dating 8ish months, and we live in a big city. Here, no one cares or bothers him much."
"But I understand that in a small town, any excitement is.... exciting?"
"Basically my sister is upset that I would even think of bringing my boyfriend, because it's going to steal her thunder. Part of me gets it, but part of me is just annoyed."
"She and my parents have already met him, he's been to our home town before. And sure, like, our cousins and extended family haven't met him. And yes, it would be the first large family gathering that he's a part of."
"The conversation then turned into an argument about how famous he is or isn't (they're acting like I'm bringing Justin Bieber home), and even if I was... I guess famous people aren't allowed to date.....?"
"My mom says I'm being unfair, but I don't think so? Am I the a**hole here?"
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH - No A**holes Here
When it came to making their judgments, Redditors were all over the map.
"NTA and frankly the bride could just see it as another cool thing that happened at her wedding!" – ThaneOfCawdorrr
"I think the bride is a light A based only on this post in the OP's possibly skewed view."
"The way it comes across is that it is 100% non-negotiable for him coming." – XtremegamerL
"NAH- it's her wedding, she gets to set the invite list. I think it's messed up she wouldn't let him come but it's her choice."
"On the other hand, you've every right to be annoyed at her to the point of not even going (though I don't recommend that)." – Dfarni
"NAH. You have every right to want your bf with you at the wedding, no matter how 'famous' or not."
"At the same time, a wedding day is all about the couple (especially the bride), and if there is even a remote chance that his attendance will cause excitement then it's natural for her to want to avoid being upstaged by a guest." – wildwest74
"If your family can't focus on their family members on their wedding day because they are starstruck, they are the true a**holes." – justaskinthequestion
These Redditors suggested a way to smooth things over before the bride walks down the aisle.
"NTA. Is there a way you can introduce him to the cousins beforehand so it isn't a huge deal on that day?" – XtremegamerL
"Or could he sit out the wedding and attend the reception after the first dance? The bride gets her moment & your partner still gets to be part of the event."
"Or could you arrive a week before the wedding so the small town has time to get over the gossip?" – dadams037
When one of the comments implied that the bride's insecurity of being upstaged was an irrational one, this Redditor disagreed.
"WHAT?! No. It's not an irrational insecurity to think that a semi-famous person showing up at your wedding is going to upstage you."
"Couples spend a lot of money on their weddings and want them to be perfect. Hearing whispers of 'omg did you see OP's date is ____' as you're walking down the aisle is not going to make for a great experience."
"The bride is completely right to think this is going to steal her (and the groom's) thunder a little bit. I actually think this is a NAH situation because the bride's concerns are valid and OP isn't an a**hole for bringing their boyfriend of 8 months (if they'd been on 2 dates, I'd feel differently)."
"100% agree though that the boyfriend should meet the extended family prior to the big day so some of the excitement of seeing and meeting a celebrity can wear off a bit before the wedding." – bek8228
These Redditors shared examples of how famous people attending their humble weddings didn't wind up making headlines.
"If the wedding guests allow a maybe-sorta-famous-guy to upstage a bride at her wedding then they're the AH."
"I lived w/ someone who was famous in my city and was approached every single time we were out together. But when he went w/ me to my cousin's wedding everyone knew who he was but no one made him the point of focus because they were respectful of the event."
"There were a couple people who quietly talked to him at the reception but they were low-key. And the bride and groom would never have been rude enough to ask me not to bring my SO." – debssays
"Definitely this, a star NBA player came to my uncle's wedding because he frequented my uncle's restaurant that was near his home arena and they became friends."
"The stars of the wedding were still the bride and groom and they just had a fun story to tell about a famous person at their wedding." – gpele13
"I had a few people who were 'famous' (think well known business / public figures) at my wedding because they are friends of ours."
"I was still the star at my wedding." – classycatblogger
When another Redditor asked if all the wedding guests were allowed to bring their plus-ones, the OP responded:
"I can have a plus one. Just not him."
"Basically, if he wasn't famous, I could bring my boyfriend. Is the gist of it."
Some Redditors insisted the OP should accommodate her sister's wishes.
"YTA if you guys have been dating for just 8 months why make plans for months in the future when you know this is going to cause conflict."
"Just be the bigger person and let it go. It's your sisters wedding. Let her invite who she wants and is comfortable with being around on that day." – mysteryman191
"YTA. It's not your wedding. I'm sure you'd hit the roof if someone did something to upset you at your own wedding, so why would you do that to your sister?"
"Don't be selfish, what your sister is asking for isn't unreasonable so just go without your bf." – junipers-
The thread was very split in the comments section with no overwhelming decision made.
With the wedding date still tentatively months away, perhaps a plot twist involving the "famous" country singer performing at the wedding reception would be a cheerful update to indicate the OP's sister changed her tune.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.