A wedding day is a huge milestone that requires months of planning, major expenses and can cause lots of anxiety.
So it is completely understandable that any bride would be determined not to let anything—or anyone—upstage her nuptial celebration when the big day arrives.
Redditor 123weddingthrowaway is planning on attending her sister’s wedding day, but her plus-one has become the subject of controversy in the family that forced her to air her grievances in the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit community as a hypothetical question.
She asked:
“WIBTA [Would I Be the A**hole] if I brought my ‘famous’ boyfriend to my sister’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) wrote:
“Throw away for obvious reasons.”
“My boyfriend is a ‘famous’ guy. Not like, Brad Pitt famous or anything, but someone that my particular small town family would recognize, let’s just say. Think like… country singer famous?”
“Anyway.”
“So my sister is sending out RSVPs for her wedding (which is like, months away, and we don’t even know if it’s going to get postponed because of [the pandemic]).”
“Bf and I have been dating 8ish months, and we live in a big city. Here, no one cares or bothers him much.”
“But I understand that in a small town, any excitement is…. exciting?”
“Basically my sister is upset that I would even think of bringing my boyfriend, because it’s going to steal her thunder. Part of me gets it, but part of me is just annoyed.”
“She and my parents have already met him, he’s been to our home town before. And sure, like, our cousins and extended family haven’t met him. And yes, it would be the first large family gathering that he’s a part of.”
“The conversation then turned into an argument about how famous he is or isn’t (they’re acting like I’m bringing Justin Bieber home), and even if I was… I guess famous people aren’t allowed to date…..?”
“My mom says I’m being unfair, but I don’t think so? Am I the a**hole here?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
When it came to making their judgments, Redditors were all over the map.
“NTA and frankly the bride could just see it as another cool thing that happened at her wedding!” – ThaneOfCawdorrr
“I think the bride is a light A based only on this post in the OP’s possibly skewed view.”
“The way it comes across is that it is 100% non-negotiable for him coming.” – XtremegamerL
“NAH- it’s her wedding, she gets to set the invite list. I think it’s messed up she wouldn’t let him come but it’s her choice.”
“On the other hand, you’ve every right to be annoyed at her to the point of not even going (though I don’t recommend that).” – Dfarni
“NAH. You have every right to want your bf with you at the wedding, no matter how ‘famous’ or not.”
“At the same time, a wedding day is all about the couple (especially the bride), and if there is even a remote chance that his attendance will cause excitement then it’s natural for her to want to avoid being upstaged by a guest.” – wildwest74
“If your family can’t focus on their family members on their wedding day because they are starstruck, they are the true a**holes.” – justaskinthequestion
These Redditors suggested a way to smooth things over before the bride walks down the aisle.
“NTA. Is there a way you can introduce him to the cousins beforehand so it isn’t a huge deal on that day?” – XtremegamerL
“Or could he sit out the wedding and attend the reception after the first dance? The bride gets her moment & your partner still gets to be part of the event.”
“Or could you arrive a week before the wedding so the small town has time to get over the gossip?” – dadams037
When one of the comments implied that the bride’s insecurity of being upstaged was an irrational one, this Redditor disagreed.
“WHAT?! No. It’s not an irrational insecurity to think that a semi-famous person showing up at your wedding is going to upstage you.”
“Couples spend a lot of money on their weddings and want them to be perfect. Hearing whispers of ‘omg did you see OP’s date is ____’ as you’re walking down the aisle is not going to make for a great experience.”
“The bride is completely right to think this is going to steal her (and the groom’s) thunder a little bit. I actually think this is a NAH situation because the bride’s concerns are valid and OP isn’t an a**hole for bringing their boyfriend of 8 months (if they’d been on 2 dates, I’d feel differently).”
“100% agree though that the boyfriend should meet the extended family prior to the big day so some of the excitement of seeing and meeting a celebrity can wear off a bit before the wedding.” – bek8228
These Redditors shared examples of how famous people attending their humble weddings didn’t wind up making headlines.
“If the wedding guests allow a maybe-sorta-famous-guy to upstage a bride at her wedding then they’re the AH.”
“I lived w/ someone who was famous in my city and was approached every single time we were out together. But when he went w/ me to my cousin’s wedding everyone knew who he was but no one made him the point of focus because they were respectful of the event.”
“There were a couple people who quietly talked to him at the reception but they were low-key. And the bride and groom would never have been rude enough to ask me not to bring my SO.” – debssays
“Definitely this, a star NBA player came to my uncle’s wedding because he frequented my uncle’s restaurant that was near his home arena and they became friends.”
“The stars of the wedding were still the bride and groom and they just had a fun story to tell about a famous person at their wedding.” – gpele13
“I had a few people who were ‘famous’ (think well known business / public figures) at my wedding because they are friends of ours.”
“I was still the star at my wedding.” – classycatblogger
When another Redditor asked if all the wedding guests were allowed to bring their plus-ones, the OP responded:
“I can have a plus one. Just not him.”
“Basically, if he wasn’t famous, I could bring my boyfriend. Is the gist of it.”
Some Redditors insisted the OP should accommodate her sister’s wishes.
“YTA if you guys have been dating for just 8 months why make plans for months in the future when you know this is going to cause conflict.”
“Just be the bigger person and let it go. It’s your sisters wedding. Let her invite who she wants and is comfortable with being around on that day.” – mysteryman191
“YTA. It’s not your wedding. I’m sure you’d hit the roof if someone did something to upset you at your own wedding, so why would you do that to your sister?”
“Don’t be selfish, what your sister is asking for isn’t unreasonable so just go without your bf.” – junipers-
The thread was very split in the comments section with no overwhelming decision made.
With the wedding date still tentatively months away, perhaps a plot twist involving the “famous” country singer performing at the wedding reception would be a cheerful update to indicate the OP’s sister changed her tune.