Living with food allergies is certainly no picnic.
Making sure allergy-triggering ingredients haven’t been used in food and drink can literally be life or death for some allergy sufferers.
And when people refuse to believe you, or think you’re just exaggerating your condition, it’s a recipe for conflict.
Redditor throwaway567___ recently clashed with her boyfriend’s live-in friend over this issue, so she turned to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) to see if she was in the wrong.
“AITA for kicking my boyfriend’s friend out after what he did with my food?”
The original poster (OP) explained that the friend who moved in has a passion for food—but that passion didn’t always extend to her food allergies.
“My F(emale)28 boyfriend’s M(ale)30 childhood friend M30s recently moved in with us after his place was ruined by fire.”
“One thing I learned about him is that he loves being in the kitchen and cooking food. He’s taken over the kitchen not letting me cook my own meals since I’m allergic to certain ingredients.”
“Before eating his food I ask him if he put X ingredients to make sure I don’t eat food I’m allergic to. He’d lie and say no. So far he’s done it twice resulting in my skin getting affected.”
After one too many incidents, the OP decided to start making her own meals.
“I started cooking my own meals since he won’t stop lying about putting certain ingredients in his food and causing me to find out the hard way. He clearly doesn’t take it seriously and probably trying to prove my allergy doesn’t exist.”
“In the evening I went to take a shower after I was done preparing my dinner and leaving it in the oven. My boyfriend’s friend was in the kitchen the entire time but was sitting at the table playing with his phone.”
“After I got out of the shower, I went to check on my dinner and almost immediately after looking at and smelling it I noticed something was wrong.”
“I asked if he’s done anything to it. He shook his head saying he didn’t do much. After tasting it he just added X ingredient since the meal lacked something.”
This was the last straw for the OP.
“My dinner was ruined since I couldn’t eat after he added the ingredient I was allergic to. I snapped and yelled at him telling him he had no business touching my food and asked him what exactly his problem was cause it looked like he was trying to prove a point of some sort.”
“My boyfriend joined the argument. His friend’s face turned red claiming I was raising my voice for no reason. I told him to leave after arguing back and forth.”
“My boyfriend gave him a ride to a mutual friend’s place (that’s how the other friends knew) and the next day they lashed out at me calling me, toxic, mean, heartless, controlling and that I overreacted and shouldn’t try to drive a wedge between childhood friends and kick him out while he’s struggling.”
“They berated me and demanded I apologize publicly but I refused.”
Later, the OP added a few more details.
“To clarify two things:”
“1• He said he thought the dinner was for all of us since he didn’t cook (suddenly he no longer wanted to cook after I started making my own meals)”
“And 2• throughout the entire argument he said he didn’t know I was allergic to that ingredient that he put in my dinner but I’m sure I’ve already mentioned all the things that I don’t eat in my meals.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
They were appalled by the friend’s behavior.
“NTA. Of course he told the other friends a highly biased version of events.”
“The reality is that he knowingly and intentionally put allergens in your food. This person cannot be trusted period.”—revmat
“Someone can have a skin allergy for years and have it one day progress to anaphylaxis too.”
“I guess to these dudes you’re TA if you want to live in a home without an AH risking your body and or life. NTA OP.”—Lupiefighter
“Yes, and OP’s boyfriend should really intervene and tell their common friends what *really* happened. My guess is that they’ve been served such a manipulated version of events, at this point they wouldn’t believe OP if she tried to explain.”
“So OP’s boyfriend needs to take action, for the sake of both his girlfriend and friends.”—SchroedingersCatnip
Allergies aside, messing around with other people’s food is not cool.
“Even if OP *wasn’t* allergic to those ingredients, he would still be an a**hole for screwing around with someone else’s food.”
“It would take a serious apology to convince me not to kick him out after the *first* time of doing something like that, regardless of allergies.”—pukui7
“I agree. Even if OP had made food for everyone, he had no right to add anything. You don’t mess with the chef’s recipe.”
“If you want to add stuff to your own plate, go for it. OP your bf is an AH too for not setting the record straight with his friends.”
“He should have told them that his friend was purposely putting ingredients into every dish that he knew you’re allergic to and then lied when he was asked if he had put x, y, or z in the food.”—WeeklyConversation8
Some even said the OP should consider pressing charges.
“Food tampering is also a felony. He’s lucky you’re not pressing charges. NTA.”—lotsofcache
“Maybe she should. NTA.”—UnrelatedExistence
“And then she can be an a**hole to everyone because ‘how could you’ and ‘it was just an accident’ and ‘he didn’t know you were allergic’ and ‘you’re so sensitive’ and ‘ARE you even allergic?’ oh wait wait and ‘it was just a prank, bro'”
“Honestly, depending on how severe her allergic reaction could be to that ingredient, she f**kin’ should. Real life has real consequences.”
“Even after saying depending on how severe, I’m like f**k it dude, not depending. Just do it.”—Asifdude
“Came here to say this. She could do so much more to him and still NTA, and OP consider this.”
“What he did is so dangerous and could have sent you to the hospital (or worse). I’m angry for you, as a fellow allergy sufferer.”
“I’m so glad you’re safe from this awful person. Do not let this person near you ever again and certainly not near your food.”
“This is a huge boundary violation. Also, the friend group is gaslighting you. Don’t fall for that, either.”
“Not a single part of any of this is okay.”—SamRaB
“NTA. He was purposefully poisoning you after you let him stay in your home.”
“He knows you’re allergic and sneaks it in your food anyway. In a lot of states that is considered assault and could be prosecuted.”
“Cut him off. Anyone standing up for him deserves cut off too.”—lnwint
If the OP is forced to apologize, one Redditor had a suggestion for how to go about doing so.
“NTA. Your boyfriend’s friends suck.”
“They’re horrible people and you should take it as a compliment that they don’t like you. If you’re feeling petty, you could publicly apologize as follows:”
“‘I have been asked to issue a public apology for recent events, so here it is. I’m sorry that you, John Smith, repeatedly and knowingly snuck food that you know I’m allergic to into my meals.'”
“‘I’m also sorry that you did not succeed in killing me. I have to assume that was your intention since you kept trying to poison me despite me pleading with you to stop.'”
“‘Finally, I’m sorry that your repeated attempts to give me allergic reactions means that you are no longer welcome to stay in my house for free.'”—thereforthecomments
It sounds like the OP was justified in kicking out her boyfriend’s friend, whether he claims his actions were intentional or not.
She certainly doesn’t need that in her life—or in her food.