Weight and body image are sensitive issues for many people, and for one woman on Reddit it turned into a full-on conflict with a friend from whom she borrowed clothes.
So she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit to get some perspective on how she handled the situation.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by throwRa_rararah on the site, asked:
“AITA for acknowledging an outfit didn’t fit me?”
She explained:
“I was hanging out with a couple of friends (all mid to late 20s). We had a few drinks at my friends (Sam) house with his new girlfriend (Patty) One of their dogs came inside, muddy, and jumped on me.”
“Patty offered me some extra clothes she had, but Sam quietly told her it may not fit. She’s a lot bigger than me, but she insisted it would fit. All I said is ‘oh whatever you have is fine, I appreciate it.'”
“So I got on her sweats, tightened it, and it was all good. Clearly they were super big but I made it work, and I was really appreciative.”
“But when I came out of the bathroom, Patty pointed and said ‘see I told you they’d fit!'”
“I told her yeah everything was great, and then she said again how it fit better than what I was wearing and I was free to borrow clothes whenever.”
“I told her it was a little loose but they were cute. She gave me a dirty look and told me she thought it looked my size, then looked at Sam.”
“Sam got uncomfortable and finally said sure it was a good fit. I could feel everything weird, so I left early and washed her clothes for her.”
“When I tried to bring it back the following day, she said ‘sorry you were too thin for my clothes’ in a super sarcastic tone.”
“Sam said I hurt her feelings and was basically calling her fat. I told him I never did that and just didn’t like that they were trying to insinuate that I’m her size when I’m not.”
“I don’t think that’s wrong when it’s a fact and I’m not insulting her. But it felt insulting to me.”
“AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to evaluate who was in the wrong in this interaction based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And the majority seemed to feel that Patty needed to get over herself.
“To be fair, the first unwarranted comment was Sam’s. He had no business interrupting and I do think it led to her pressuring OP to acknowledge her clothes (if she already has anxiety over her body type and clothing, I guess being the ‘new girlfriend’ doesn’t help much).”
“Both OP and Patty can speak for themselves. It doesn’t excuse her pressuring OP though, so I guess everyone TA, OP NTA.” —MeiSuesse
“NTA, You were extremely tactful and courteous and appreciative.”
“10/10 would lend clothes again.”
“Patty needs to get a grip of reality.” —RustyUK333
“NTA it sounds like she is insecure about her size. She may wish she was the same size as you, or view your body types as similar.”
“Not everyone is the same size and that’s okay. I would assure her that you appreciated the clothes, and avoid mentioning the size thing again maybe?” —wat-am-i-doing-here
“NTA-first off Sam made it weird by telling Patty the clothes may not fit, so that started it. This drama is between those two, not you.” —RollingKatamari
“Nta”
“She’s clearly insecure and is projecting that onto you. You never said anything about her weight, just acknowledged that her clothes were a little loose for you, nothing wrong with that.”
“She needs to grow up and move on.” —InvisibleAmber
“NTA – as a bigger girl with a friend who is much smaller than me who occasionally borrows my clothes, I have been in the exact same situation and let me tell you it sucks, but I am a rational human being and don’t take out my insecurities on a friend.”
“Honestly it would have been worse if you had lied about the fit, there is no way she is so deluded it wouldn’t have come off as awkward as hell.”
“My friend usually just laughs and says my boobs are far bigger than hers so she has no chance – turning it into a friendly and jokey situation and is much better.”
“Sorry she put you into that situation, self hate is a hard beast to tame but that doesn’t mean you should bare the brunt.” —artwank
“If anything you were insulted. This Patty sounds pretty jealous of you in some way.”
“Not necessarily because of someone else like your friend Sam, but you just had to pay for her feeling fat. Something that she probably tell her self in front of the mirror every day.” —kitofarfar
“Long long ago I had a ‘friend’ who was at least 4-5″ shorter than me, and she refused to believe we were not the same height.”
“She was also a few years older and wanted to be in the mentor/substitute mom role with me. I was too young to realize how weird this was, but I eventually figured it out.”
“I’ve always been careful to be brutally honest with myself about my relative size, height and weight. Nothing wrong with being whatever you are, but deeply weird not to know if you are bigger or smaller.”
“OP is NTA. And I hope she sidelines this deluded and touchy friend.” —Zhoenish
“NTA but Sam is a bit here. It’s easier for someone to adjust clothing that’s too big than adjust and fit into something too small.”
“Even if it wasn’t perfect there was no need for Sam to make it an issue in the first place.”
“I’m getting the sense that Patty and Sam have had discussions about weight or Patty’s attitude towards her own appearance. You just accidentally walked into it.” —EmpressJainaSolo
Hopefully this group of friends can find a way to patch things up.