Though it’s not something we like to think about too often, as it has rather dark connotations, every now and then, children might wonder if they one day might inherit things belonging to their parents.
Sometimes, they might discover things their parents own have little to no meaning, resulting in them taking them into their possession earlier than expected.
In sadder cases, children might be shocked to discover that their parents gave something they hoped to one day own to someone else.
This is an unfortunate situation that might have been easily avoided if they had simply spoken up and told their parents that they wanted it.
Redditor TemperatureOverall94 had always hoped to one day give her wedding dress to a worthy recipient.
While they thought their stepdaughter would want it, the original poster (OP) was shocked and hurt to discover that wasn’t the case.
Thankfully, another, more excited recipient was found.
But when the OP’s stepdaughter learned of this, she was not at all pleased.
Having doubts about her actions, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for giving my wedding dress to my future daughter-in-law instead of my stepdaughter?”
The OP explained why they did not end up giving her stepdaughter her wedding dress and why her stepdaughter was so angry when she gave it to someone else:
“I 42 F[enmale] got married 24 years ago.”
“I decided that if I had a daughter, I would pass the dress and accessories on to her.”
“I chose a simple, elegant dress, rather than what was fashionable at the time because I wanted something timeless that people could wear for generations to come.”
“I had my son ‘Mark’ now 22 M[ale] a year after, and his father passed away when he was young.”
“I raised Mark as a single mom for several years.”
“I decided that when Mark married, I would give my dress and accessories to his wife.”
“When I was 33, I met “Rob” now 52 M.”
“I fell in love with him and we quickly married.”
“He became a great father figure for Mark, and I was so excited to have a stepdaughter, ‘Molly’ now 24 F.”
“My relationship with Molly had a rocky beginning.”
“I’ve been patient and gentle with her.”
“I’ve offered to take her shopping or get her nails done.”
“I asked Rob about her favorite foods and made sure to cook those.”
“She made it clear that she didn’t see me as her real mom.”
“Years passed, and I never changed the way I treated Molly.”
“My door was always open for her, but she never changed the way she thought about me.”
“She called me a trophy wife to my face.”
“If I ever threw a charity event, she would remark, ‘Wow, you’re so generous with dad’s money’.”
“While she didn’t say anything explicitly, I could tell she looked down on me for not having a college degree.”
“A couple of years ago, I made a final offering to Molly.”
“I brought her into my closet, showed her the dress and accessories, and told her I would love for her to wear them at her wedding.”
“Some alterations would have to be done (I am 5’9 and a size 4, while Molly is 5’4 and a size 8), but we could make it work.”
“Molly scoffed and said I had archaic values and that the dress was trashy, and walked out.”
“That really hurt because she knew what that dress meant to me, and she didn’t care.”
“After that, I stopped making as much of an effort to build a relationship with her.”
“Two months ago, Mark proposed to his college sweetheart ‘Lucy,’” with whom I have a great relationship.”
“When Lucy mentioned dress shopping, I showed her my dress.”
“Lucy tried it on, and it fit like a glove.”
“She fell in love with it, and I told her the dress, shoes, and accessories were hers.”
“She was so happy she literally cried.”
“However, a couple of days ago, Molly reached out to me out of the blue to ask if the dress was still available.”
“I told her I had given it to Lucy.”
“She asked if I could get it back from Lucy since I offered it to her first, and I told her 1) she said she didn’t want it, 2) it fits Lucy perfectly, and 3) Lucy is the only one getting married within the foreseeable future.”
“Now Molly is saying I’m favoring Lucy over her because she’s conforming to traditional standards of femininity (getting married and being thin).”
“That’s absolute baloney, but it got me thinking that if the roles were reversed and Lucy was the one asking for the dress after initially turning it down, would I give it to her?”
“Is Molly right that I’m favoring Lucy?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for giving her wedding dress to Lucy.
Everyone agreed that Molly lost all priority to the OP’s wedding dress after calling it “trashy,” with many also believing that Molly only now wanted the dress because she couldn’t have it:
“NTA.”
“You actually favored the stepdaughter by offering it to her first, and she not only said no but then insulted you in return.”
“The dress is now gone.”
“It’s not yours to decide about any longer anyway.”
“Out of curiosity, if that is the dress you married your first husband in, what did you wear at the second wedding?”- ACorania
“NTA.”
“Why did Molly even reach out to you about the dress, given that she’s not getting married?”
“What does she even want to do with something she considers ‘trashy’?”
“It’s obvious that she only wanted to hurt you here because she knew you were giving it to someone else.”
“It has no meaning to her other than as a way to hurt you.”
“You’ve already given the dress away, so you’re done here.”- Tangerine_Bouquet
“NTA.”
“Molly said she didn’t want it, and now you gave it to someone else.”
“It’s theirs now, and after how Molly’s treated you, I don’t think she deserves it, even if it was still yours.”- apieceofeight
“You do realize that Molly likely found out you’d given the dress to Lucy and now wants it just to spite you, right?”
“NTA.”
“Molly is an adult who behaves like a spoiled child in this case (and probably most of the time, too).”
“I’d also be willing to bet Molly wants the dress for two reasons:”
“Lucy can’t have it so Molly can hurt you and your son.”
“She wants to destroy the dress simply to hurt you.”
“Be polite, treat her as you would a business associate (polite disinterest), and continue to live your life.”
“That’s all you can do.”- Beck2010
“NTA.”
“Step-daughter didn’t just reject the dress, she did so with deliberate discourtesy and unkindness.”
“The offer of the dress was obviously void after such behavior.”
“You are not favoring future-daughter-in-law.”
“Step-daughter spitefully removed herself from any access to the dress and accessories.”- kaorizma
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment, clarifying a few things about her family dynamic, as well as her final decision.
“Wow, thank you for all of your kind words!”
“I wanted to give an update to respond to general questions and comments.”
“First, I want to say that the fact that most of the comments are ‘NTA’ is very reassuring.”
“It makes me feel better about my decision not to give my dress to Molly.”
“I saw some comments suggesting this, so I would like to let you know I already gave the dress to Lucy, and it’s safe in her apartment now.”
“Molly has already been bugging Lucy about the dress, but Lucy told me there’s ‘no way in heck’ she’s giving it away.”
“Some of you have also been wondering about Mark and Rob’s responses.”
“Mark is currently out of town on business, and I have not communicated with him about this matter.”
“I’m sure he’ll be supportive of Lucy, though.”
“I did not bring this up with Rob because while Molly and I have a difficult relationship, I don’t want to sow division between her and her father.”
“However, Rob brought it up last night, saying Molly had contacted him on the matter.”
“Rob was like, ‘You aren’t going to give it to her, are you?’”
“When I said no, he told me to promise him I would not give the dress to her.”
“It was very comforting to know Rob is on my side.”
“Another thing I want to get clear: I do NOT expect Molly to conform to certain ‘standards’.”
“When I referred to ‘traditional standards of femininity (getting married and being thin)’, I was paraphrasing words that came out of her mouth.”
“I was raised in a traditional household, but I understand that a lot of women, especially young women, do not share my values.”
“Frankly Lucy doesn’t either.”
“She has an engineering degree and openly talks about wanting to prioritize her career over starting a family, at least for the foreseeable future, and I couldn’t be happier for her.”
“I DO realize that I could have done a better job communicating to Molly that I don’t care what she does so long as she is a good person and she leaves the world better than she found it.”
“Lastly, because after reading the comments, I fear I painted Molly in a bad light, I should say that Molly has had a rough life due to the divorce between Bob and her biological mother.”
“I have never met her mother, and I don’t want to go into gross detail on the internet about someone’s life other than my own, but I will say that her relationship with her mother is not great.”
“I think Molly might be projecting aspects of that relationship onto me.”
“However, your comments have helped me realize she is in the wrong in this situation.”
“I’ve also realized that it isn’t just on me to build a relationship with her–she has to work at it too, and so far she has not.”
“I’m never going to shut her out, but at this point, if she wants to connect with me, SHE has to be the one making the effort.”
“I really hope the best for her, but she sure as heck isn’t getting that dress.”
It seems that Molly constantly looks for things to blame the OP about.
Including giving her wedding dress to Lucy, which is no one’s fault but Molly’s, as she declined the OP’s initial offer.
One can only hope that this will be the lesson Molly needs, and that should the OP extend a hand in the future, the last thing Molly should do is swat it away.