While it might be nice to be able to say that we like everyone we meet, especially the people our loved ones are dating, that just isn’t how the world works.
But some people need to be accepted, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Emotional-Minute-659 didn’t feel the need to sugarcoat her feelings about her brother’s new girlfriend when she asked if they could be friends.
But when her brother expected her to give his girlfriend another chance, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have said something else.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for admitting I don’t like my brother’s girlfriend?”
The OP had mixed feelings about her brother’s new girlfriend.
“My brother (Steve) has been in a relationship with his current girlfriend (Daisy) for around 1 year.”
“In this time I’ve only met her a handful of times. My brother was previously married to a woman (Louise) for 10 years and they have 3 kids together.”
“I met Daisy for the first time in April this year. She seemed friendly at first and we chatted, getting to know each other.”
“The second time we went out for a meal and she was unnecessarily rude to the waitress (demanding things and not saying please or thank you). I pulled her up on it and told her to apologize, which she did, and then we moved on.”
The OP invited her brother’s girlfriend and ex-wife to her wedding.
“Cut to June, I was sending out my wedding invites and invited Steve and Daisy, but I also invited Steve’s ex-wife, Louise.”
“I asked Steve if he had any issues with me inviting Louise and he said none at all because they co-parent very well and are very much still friends.”
“I’ve known Louise for 15 years and just because she’s now divorced my brother, I still very much see her as part of the family.”
Daisy tried to give the OP an ultimatum.
“A couple of weeks went by and I got a message from Daisy (I’ve only met her twice at this point), asking me to uninvite Louise or she wouldn’t come to the wedding.”
“So I just replied, ‘Okay, no problem. It’s your choice not to come to the wedding, but I won’t be uninviting anyone.'”
“Daisy didn’t like this and declined to come.”
“Skip to the day before the wedding, Louise didn’t come due to the pandemic. So Steve told Daisy and Daisy eventually came.”
“I didn’t care if she was there or not, I didn’t really spend much time with her.”
Daisy brought this up again at a get-together.
“A few weeks after the wedding, my mum organized a girls get-together and Daisy was invited too.”
“This is my 4th time meeting her at this point. There were around 10 of us and we were having fun and having a few drinks.”
“Daisy just started shouting at me for being inconsiderate for inviting Louise to the wedding and not considering her feelings.”
“I was just honest and said I only met her twice before the wedding and I didn’t really know her (Daisy) and I only invited her because she is my brother’s girlfriend.”
“I added that it also doesn’t matter if Louise was invited because it was MY wedding and I could choose who to invite. If I had to choose to invite Louise or her (Daisy) then I would have chosen Louise because she has been a part of my family for a long time.”
Daisy then asked the OP a straight-forward question.
“I didn’t really speak to her since this incident and I saw her yesterday at a family meal.”
“Daisy asked me if I liked her.”
“I said based on my interactions with her that I didn’t like her and didn’t think we could get on, but happy to be civil. I just don’t want a friendship with her.”
“A few hours after the meal, I got a message from Steve, asking why I didn’t like her.”
“I sent him all the messages she sent me, and I told him about the incident at my mum’s get-together.”
“He said that I should give her a chance because I don’t really know her.”
“AITA for admitting to her that I don’t like her?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was right to be honest.
“NTA. And I have started saying, ‘I will answer your question, but I can’t un-answer it. Are you sure you want to hear the answer?'”
“So far 75% of questioners have opted not to hear the answer.” – jenn1975jenn
“NTA. Daisy shouldn’t ask questions she doesn’t want honest answers to.” – NUT-me-SHELL
“NTA – It blows my mind how many rude, toxic people are surprised by people not liking them for being rude and toxic. Your side of the street is clean, my friend, don’t concern yourself with wilted daisies.” – canucksquatch
“NTA. You’re setting boundaries. You gave Daisy a chance and Daisy blew it.”
“If Daisy and your brother can’t understand that it’s on Daisy to accept the consequences of her behavior and try to make up for it with no expectations, that says a lot about how undeserving she is to receive a second chance.” – RealWanderingWizard
Others didn’t like Daisy just based on what was in the original post.
“I don’t know her but I don’t like her based on … she was rude to the wait staff and had to be reminded like a child to say please and thank you.”
“How you treat those who serve you says a lot about you as a person.” – JadedSlayer
“As someone who’s worked in food service, there is nothing that p**ses me off more than people who are rude to their wait staff.”
“They are on their feet for hours on end, have to be nice and polite to make a living wage, and have to deal with so much s**t.”
“Also… just don’t be an a**hole to people. It’s that easy.” – elluminis
“For someone you barely know, she sure gave off a big impression. I’ve never met the woman and I’m not a fan.”
“I’d tell your brother if he doesn’t like your opinion, then it doesn’t come with a refund. He can’t get mad or deny it if he doesn’t like it.”
“If you haven’t given her a chance, then why would you just decide to dislike her? Is that the kind of person he thinks you are? If so, whys he interested in what you think.” – maybemaybo
While the OP wondered if she was wrong for being so honest with her brother’s girlfriend, the subReddit didn’t think so. Though it can be awkward, being honest is the better option, especially when someone’s behavior and personality don’t really align with yours.