Every now and again, we’ve all found ourselves enjoying a meal that gets unhappily disrupted by one person’s remark.
No two people have exactly the same idea of how to handle what they’ve just heard.
Some choose to sit in silence and avoid conflict, while others can’t be silent and waste no time in confronting this individual.
Then there are those who feel the only thing to do is to get up and leave.
Redditor throwra_ILsdinner was enjoying dinner with her in-laws (ILs) when her father-in-law (FIL) made a surprising, and less-than-welcome observation about her and her husband.
While the original poster (OP) felt inclined to get up and compose herself in the restroom, her husband felt they needed to go a few steps further and leave altogether.
A decision that did not please the OP’s ILs one bit, who demanded an apology.
Having second thoughts about her behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving the table after what my FIL’s said?”
The OP explained why her FIL’s remarks made her want to leave the room, and her husband want to leave his parent’s house altogether.
“My (26 F[emale]) husband (29 M[ale]) and I were invited at my ILs for dinner yesterday.”
“Everything’s was going great until my mother-in-law [MIL] brought up my husband’s ‘player’ phase in high school.”
“My MIL was just jokingly being like ‘Honestly, him in High school, I’d never thought he’d actually settle down with somebody’ and my FIL was like ‘Yeah, even less with someone like you’.”
“I asked him what he meant by that.”
Both my MIL and husband were then like “Please, no” in a “oh he’s gonna f**k up” way.
My FIL said “Well you weren’t exactly his type in high school, you know?”. My husband tried to make him stop after that, but my FIL added, “Not saying you weren’t pretty enough or anything like that, you just wouldn’t have caught his eyes”
“I got up the table and went to the bathroom.”
“I was not even in there for 5 minutes that my husband knocked and told me we were leaving.”
“Once we were home, my husband received a text from his mom saying that my reaction was childish and disrespectful and that we wouldn’t be invited again until I apologized.”
“My husband replied that I’d only apologize if my FIL apologized first.”
“He didn’t got an answer, but his sister texted me that I needed to apologize ASAP because I was putting my husband’s relationship with his parents at risk over a misunderstanding.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously believed that neither the OP nor her husband were the a**holes for leaving the OP’s IL’s house.
Everyone agreed that there was no misunderstanding in the OP’s FIL’s remarks being offensive and misogynistic, and he, not the OP nor her husband, was the one who owed an apology. Others pointed out the IL’s demands were all the more ridiculous as they were blaming her for her husband’s decision.
“First off, your husband is a keeper.”
“I’m happy that he stood by your side.”
“As for apologizing, why should you apologize when you’re the one who was insulted?”
“Your FIL should have kept his mouth shut.”
“Do not apologize for anything.”
“Your FIL should apologize to you since he was the one who decided to be an a**.”-Yellow_Submarine8891
“Pops put his foot in his mouth past his kneecap, now MIL wants you to apologize for Pops jerk a** statement to make everything nice again.”
“There was no misunderstanding.”
“I guess you’ll just have to find a way to make it through life without invites from your in-laws.”- Top-Necessary5003
“The only reason your husband’s relationship with his parents is in jeopardy is because his father is obnoxious.”
“You owe no one an apology.”
“You didn’t even ask to leave. You just removed yourself from the table.”
“Your husband (rightfully) took care of everything with his parents and took you home.”
“I suppose you could say you are sorry that you were unable to hide how hurtful FIL’s offensive, insensitive, insulting remarks were.”
“Personally, I admire your restraint!”
“You have a wonderful husband.”
“He’s a keeper.”
“The rest of his family…not so much.”
“Ah, the time-tested way of calling out AHs: just ask them to explain what they meant.”
“Good for you for standing up for yourself.”- floccinaucinihilist
“He said something inappropriate.”
“Then he made it worse.”
“Everyone was telling him to stop, and he kept going.”
“The only person ruining a relationship is your FIL for being shallow and your MIL for backing him even though she knew he was wrong before he even said it.”- Natural_Garbage7674
“My 2 cents:”
“Tell your husband that it is okay. He had a slutty phase in school and that he got loads of dates with conventionally attractive women.”
“Tell him you really appreciate him standing up for you.”
“Tell him that you will not see his father until the father publicly apologizes for physically comparing you to hubby’s past lovers.”
“Tell your husband you love him.”- eclectic-up-north
“And please don’t apologize to him.”
“He was rude to you and he can take ownership of that or f*ck right off.”- the_pandax
“YOU did not insult his mother or father.”
“They insulted you.”
“You walked away from the insult.”
“Which is a wise and very valid decision.”
“Husband stood up for his wife.”
“Meanwhile, his sister is feeling the heat at home so she is turning that heat on her brother hoping you will accept the status quo and get the heat back onto you, where it belongs.”
“Stay out of the fray.”
“Let your husband defend his wife in the best way he can manage.”
“You don’t deserve this horrid treatment!”
“It’s not a misunderstanding, he insulted you plain and simple.”
“NTA, ask the sister what the misunderstanding is.”
“Ask her exactly what you misunderstood.”
“What EXACTLY did FIL mean.”- Valuable_Reputation1
“‘I’m very sorry that you insulted me and made your son feel uncomfortable about his past’.”
“‘I’d really like it if we weren’t made to feel bad in the future’.”- 3bag
“It is good that your husband had your back.”
“FIL does owe you an apology.”
“SIL should mind her own business.”- Deep_Sail7315
“I don’t understand how they think your reaction was childish.”
“You removed yourself from a tense situation and went to the bathroom.”
“It’s not like you disappeared for hours since it wasn’t even 5 mins before your husband came to get you.”- First_Play5335
“There’s no misunderstanding.”
“FIL knew darn well what he was doing, and so did MIL.”
“They set a trap for you and now they’re mad because you caught on.”
“The only apology I can think of is ‘I’m sorry you’re a**holes’.”- 2_old_for_this_spit
“Your FIL implied you aren’t attractive enough for your husband.”
“You stepped away — your husband made the decision to leave.”
“You owe your AH FIL nothing.”
“His commentary was mean, and abusive.”- ImKiliW
“They need to stop living their son’s ‘glory days’ and respect you as his wife.”
“His sister has nothing to say here.”- ParsimoniousSalad
“Sorry not sorry.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t like my reaction to your insult.”
“I’m sorry you think your son peaked in high school.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t drench you in gravy.”- dls9543
“I’m 56, and I put up with sh*t like this from my MIL and SIL for over 30 years.”
“I didn’t have the guts.”
“I still resent that my husband never said anything to them.”
“You FIL and MIL can f*ck right off!”
“Do NOT apologize —you did absolutely nothing wrong.”
“Your FIL is a huge d*ck.”- feelingmyage
“That wasn’t a misunderstanding.”
“It was pretty clear that your father-in-law was putting you down for no good reason at all.”
“There’s definitely some underlying issue there for him to do that on purpose.”
“I’d distance myself if I were you.”- Margfarg
“NTA you left the table because of your husband’s family’s lack of table etiquette.”
“They were rude.”- quarterlife94
“NTA at all!”
“Your husband and MIL obviously know how FIL acts as they said ‘please no’, so I personally wouldn’t associate myself with MIL or FIL as you did nothing wrong so they don’t deserve an apology!”
“You’re all grown now, that subject being brought up was unnecessary from the start.”
“They both owe you respect and an apology OP.”- Few-Extension-5973
Whenever someone begins a sentence by saying “no offense,” chances are they are more than aware that what they are about to say will, indeed, offend the person they’re speaking to.
So, perhaps, if we feel inclined to preface anything with that term, maybe it’s best not to say it at all?
Though, considering the OP’s FIL still doesn’t seem to see anything wrong with what he said to her, chances are he seldom even bothers to try to lessen the impact of his words with “no offense.”
Making it all the more offensive.