Comedy is hard.
Finding the right setup, making sure the humor is appropriate for the target audience, and getting the timing right.
Comedy is a ton of work.
Of course, sometimes the joke falls flat anyway and you’re left with an angry guest or a silent room.
So, what happens when someone tries a joke, it fails hard, and instead of apologizing they insist that you just didn’t get the joke.
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) deliahdyno when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked,
“AITA for dropping our dinner on the ground and walking out when my boyfriend asked me ‘What’s for dinner tonight, b*tch?”‘
OP got right to the situation at hand.
“I was over at my boyfriend’s apartment this weekend and I was cooking dinner because he was studying for exams.”
“I made pasta and a chunky sauce with meatballs and veggies. I told him dinner was ready and he goes ‘what’s for dinner tonight, B*TCH’ … With like a lot of emphasis on the last word.”
“I was fed up, I’d had a pretty rough day with work and I have some awfully bad associations with that word being used by other people in my life who were pretty abusive.”
“So I was so irritated that I dropped the pot of pasta sauce I’d been carrying right on the ground and was like ‘Well nothing’s for dinner tonight now. And I better not hear you using that word again, it’s for the girls'”
“He was freaking out about how sauce had landed on his rug and he even said “you’re seriously acting like a b*tch right now, I dunno what else to call it.”‘
“I just walked out and got takeout for myself and went to my friend’s house.”
“She thought it was funny but my boyfriend was furious, he kept texting and calling and sending me voice memos trying to explain that saying ‘what’s for dinner tonight b*tch’ was a TikTok trend…. ”
“And that he was just quoting something as a joke to put on TikTok.”
“I thought that was the sh*ttiest excuse ever, it doesn’t matter if he saw it as a joke, or stole the ‘joke’, it was still disrespectful.”
“But it didn’t change the fact he thought that sh*t was funny, to demean me when I was trying to do him a favor.”
“Like hell, I came over when he was studying to make a home-cooked dinner and he decides it’s time for jokes? So I put my phone on don’t disturb for the night and split a bottle of wine with my friend and her roommate.”
“The next morning he was sending me angry texts demanding I clean his rug because he was too busy with exams to do it.”
“I was shocked he left it overnight, that’s disgusting.”
“I texted him back saying:”
“‘Yeah so that’s the b*tch tax honey 🙂 leave me alone till you’re ready to handle your own cooking and cleaning because this b*tch isn’t anymore. Also, it’s vile you left that soak in all night”‘
“He called me and told me that he was okay with doing his own household work, but I did throw a full pot of sauce at the ground so that’s on me to clean up.”
“I told him ‘yeah no I’m not comfortable doing chores for you if you see me like your b*tch'”
“He told me he didn’t and it was just a ‘trend’ and I got pissed off he was playing that ‘TikTok trend’ BS excuse again and I told him,”
‘Well, I’m starting a trend called ‘saucing’ where as a little joke people throw pasta sauce around! You can’t be mad because it’s just a little trend, a little jokey joke, just a little prank bro!”‘
“He got really pissed off and hung up on me and now I’m seriously wondering if this dumb f*cking TikTok joke is gonna be the end of things between us”
She was left to wonder,
“AITA for how I reacted when my boyfriend asked me ‘what’s for dinner tonight, b*tch'”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Some commenters took issue with the boyfriend’s excuse.
“‘He was freaking out about how sauce had landed on his rug and he even said ‘you’re seriously acting like a bitch right now, I dunno what else to call it.”‘
“That kind of flies in the face of his TikTok trend excuse.” ~ missmixza
“Right? When did ‘the internet made me do it’ became a way to justify insulting people and committing crimes?”
“I love the OP a little bit for how she handled this. More people need to hold Tik Tok addicts accountable for the complete lack of common sense.” ~ EmptyBanana5687
Others were surprised at the age of the boyfriend in the first place.
“‘It’s a trend… He’s 30′”
“These two things don’t compute.” ~ Reasonable_racoon
“Dude, when I read he was 30, my jaw dropped.” ~ Realistic-Show4597
“I read the post and wondered ‘is he a very immature 19-year-old or is he abusive?’ I got to the part where he’s 30 and it really sank in how bad this is.” ~ Trini1113
“Jeez… he’s 30???”
“I legit thought he was 19 at most.”
“What 30-year-old jumps on TikTok trends? Holy hell.”
“Out of curiosity, how long have you two been together?”
“NTA, and ditch this immature man.” ~ SugaredZebra
Commenters saw only one way for this to end.
“NTA. Dump him. That’s the proper b*tch tax.”
“He’s old enough to know that women find being called a b*tch demeaning and being told to ‘get in the kitchen’ demeaning.”
“That doesn’t just go away ‘because Tiktok.’”
“He doesn’t get to pull a sexist power flex, then hide behind ‘it’s a joke.’ What’s the punchline?”
“You cooked for him and he’s a jerk in return? Hahaha? He gets off on negging you as a ‘joke?’
“Hahaha?”
“If he was really sorry, he would have sincerely apologized.”
“He would have cleaned up and ordered takeout as an act of contrition.”
“He would have listened to why you’re upset and learned from it.”
“Maybe gotten flowers too.”
“There are two red flags here- calling you a b*tch, and dying on the hill of refusing to fully acknowledge the issues involved.”
“He clearly doesn’t get that sexism and sexist abuse are real and painful.”
“I am all about reclaiming words. I proudly call myself a b*tch. But you don’t call other people slurs unless you establish they are ok with it.”
“Enjoy your right hand, buddy. Who’s the b*tch now?” ~ JoJo-likes-bikes
“NTA, but you would be one to yourself if you let this slide.”
“Him doubling down and refusing to apologize properly is the sign you need that this is not a man who will treat you right.”
“Throwing the food on the floor might have been unnecessary “punishment for the crime”, but his reactions after the fact are what is making me suggest breaking up with him.” ~ Alalindria
“NTA”
“Maybe he was joking but then…”
“When you make a joke and it lands really poorly and the other person is Not At All Amused then you apologized.”
“If he had just said at any point ‘I am sorry, it was this TikTok thing and if I had known you would hate it so much I never would have done it. I didn’t mean to hurt you.’ That would be one thing.”
“We all screw up and say stupid things sometimes and our insight into what others will find funny is always flawed and sometimes disastrously so.”
“But when you mess up the next step is to apologize and repair not double down”
“Find a new boyfriend and leave him and his dirty rug in the dust” ~ Errvalunia
OP did return to address a recurring concern.
“‘But did you tell him not to call you a b*tch? Like how would he know otherwise?”‘
“Honestly if someone has gotten to the age of 30 and not realized that women (as a whole) do not like having demeaning slurs used against them… They’re beyond my help.”
“This isn’t something that needs to be told.”
“I shouldn’t have to go through life like ‘Hey man just in case you were thinking I might like demeaning slurs against my gender used on me, I don’t actually :)'”
“And if you were about to comment something like that, let me just tell you in no uncertain terms…”
“WOMEN DO NOT LIKE BEING CALLED B*TCHES BY MEN.”
“DO NOT CALL WOMEN B*TCHES.”
“IF YOU NEEDED TO BE TOLD THAT IS UNKIND, CONSIDER YOURSELF OFFICIALLY TOLD.”
“NOW YOU HAVE NO EXCUSE TO NOT ‘UNDERSTAND’.
Remember that for something to be funny, someone has to laugh.
If everyone is laughing then the joke is hilarious.
If one person is laughing then the joke is cruel.
Comedy is hard.
Respecting the people in your life is not.