Truth and intimacy.
It’s been said that these are two of the most important things in a relationship.
What happens when it feels like a partner has broken both?
Case in point…
Redditor RoadIsland123 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for walking out of the airport when I saw my husband’s mom standing there with her luggage?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I F[emale] 30 don’t have the best relationship with my husband’s mom.”
“Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her?”
“She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do.”
“And sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyed her hair purple just like mine.”
“And when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.”
“So, Anyways!”
“My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country – tourism in other words.”
“Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets).”
“My husband’s mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no.”
“She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come.”
“Even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can’t come.”
“My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place.”
“He gave me an ultimatum.”
“He said he wouldn’t go if she can’t come.”
“And I told him I’d gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say ‘FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won’t take her.'”
“Things got quieter, suspiciously quieter.”
“The day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2 pm.”
“My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone.”
“I asked him but he didn’t respond.”
“He lead me to the waiting area and the first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage.”
“I froze in my spot.”
“I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside.”
“She and my husband were hugging.”
“That’s when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit.”
“My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop.”
“He tried to stop me, but I told him off the harshest way possible.”
“He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there ‘anyway’ and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us.”
“I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.”
“I went home and sobbed into my dog’s fur for several minutes.”
“Turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing.”
“An hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute.”
“I told him he caused this to happen.”
“He said that I was being so hard on his mom it’s ridiculous.”
“I refused to fight anymore but he kept on berating me, then called my family to tell them that the trip was canceled and that it was because of me.”
“My family said that I shouldn’t have ruined it for myself and should’ve sucked it up and done my best to enjoy.”
“Did I really overreact?”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“I don’t wanna call the divorce card but… divorce.”
“You told your boundaries, you said no. She crossed it.”
“Your husband told you he would tell her no, he lied.”
“He tried to pin you in a corner by not saying anything and bringing her anyways and got upset you refused to be a part of his little trap?”
“And then to berate you??”
“He’s not a good man. He needs to go. NTA.” ~ PeanutButter_Toast_
“I agree this is relationship-ending.”
“Unfortunately this seems less like ‘lacks a backbone’ to me, and more like, ‘Values his mom more than his S[ignificant] O[thers] and is willing to use his backbone to sabotage SO and lie.'”
“At the end of the day not really better for the SO, but from the outside he looks actively harmful, rather than a grown-up kid who never learned to stand up to mom.” ~ RainbowCrane
“I wouldn’t say lacks a backbone because that was pretty audacious.”
“You know in his mind he thought ‘call a bluff’, ‘I’ll show you calling a bluff.'”
“He thought she’d go on the trip with the Mom already there.”
“I would just say completely disassociated from his wife’s feelings more like and a completely dependent on his Mom.”
“He certainly has a backbone when his Mom needs it.” ~ mtarascio
OP responded…
“Correct. I DID say no, and in the nicest way but she was having none of it.”
“Seeing my husband giving in to her tantrums made me feel weaker.”
“But I still kept trying to hold that boundary even after he himself said he wouldn’t go unless she goes.”
“It was stressful and very exhausting and I really considered canceling way earlier but tried harder because I really wanted this trip.”
Reddit continued…
“He absolutely chose his mother over you.”
“Not only that but he has zero respect for you, your relationship, or your boundaries.”
“You have a husband literally plotting and deceiving you with his mother behind your back on large financial and life decisions.”
“And then gaslighting you into being at fault and weaponizing his mother and your family against you.”
“That’s hugely disturbing because it doesn’t end here and this is emotional abuse.”
“In another comment, you said you paid for the trip… does your husband have a job?”
“What is money like?”
“I have a suspicion you’re being taken advantage of financially as well given all the huge red flags here.”
“Is this guy and his mom freeloading off you?”
“I’d normally suggest couples counseling and maybe you could try it, but honestly I think this might go too far to be recoverable.”
“This is not ok and please don’t let yourself be treated like this.”
“You need to get away and gain perspective before they warp your sense of reality even more.”
“Do you have a friend you could stay with?”
“I’d suggest going to see a therapist to re-establish your sense of what is right and wrong and gain clarity over what decisions you need to make.” ~ East_Deer7419
“Sometimes the divorce card needs to come out. And this is one of them.”
“Only part of this I don’t agree with… OP should have gone to the ticket booth, gotten her ticket changed for anywhere else.”
“And gone to enjoy herself alone.”
“Let Husband and his mother have their romantic time together because it sounds like he married his mother.” ~ PolyPolyam
“NTA. He gave you an ultimatum- no loving partner would ever put you in that position.”
“He’s a mummy’s boy and she’s manipulative and toxic.”
“You have every right to enjoy a holiday with your husband without them behaving like children.”
“You did the right thing.”
“The next right thing to do is leave.”
“He doesn’t respect you.” ~ RubyLarkspur87
“Definitely NTA. You know that if you had sucked it up and gone with them, the entire vacation would be all about catering to his mom.”
“Whatever SHE wanted to do.”
“Whatever places SHE wanted to go, places SHE wanted to eat.”
“You’d be the third wheel on your own vacation.” ~ savethebooks
“Are you sure you want to be married to this man?”
“What’s gonna happen if or when you have kids?”
“Is he going to let her make the decisions?”
“NTA and y’all need marriage counseling.”
“I’m glad you had a dog for comfort.”
“And if you do divorce, take the dog with you.” ~ Katana1369
“Look this is some next-level boundary stomping.”
“Have you read this really old book called Sons and Lovers, by chance? Classic Lit.”
“Your hubs sounds a lot like the protagonist who is in love with his mom.”
“You sound like a hardworking, good and kind person.”
“You can find someone that is willing to set you first in their life. NTA.” ~ Particular_Policy_41
“Ruined it for yourself? No. He ruined it.”
“Sounds like you’re always going to come second to this woman and no one has the backbone to so much as critique that.”
“I am so sorry.’
“NTA but everyone else is. Absolutely everyone.” ~ paganbreed
Well OP, that is a lot to digest.
Sorry you lost out on your trip.
Reddit is with you and worried.
It’s definitely time for some serious counseling and maybe a solo vacation.