We've all poked fun at a friend or family member over something about their life once or twice.
Even though we are clearly being silly and mean no harm whatsoever, they sometimes still have trouble laughing at our jokes.
Most people can just move right on, knowing that we, or whoever was making the joke, was "just kidding..." even if they still were secretly hurt or triggered by what was said.
Others have little patience for their personal lives being the butt of a joke.
The hair color of Redditor throwaway1936463's baby boy proved to be an unexpected talking point for her stepfather.
So much so that every time he paid a visit, he felt the need to insinuate something about the original poster (OP)'s marriage.
Having finally had enough, the OP felt the only thing to do was ask her stepfather and mother to leave her house.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for kicking my mom and my stepdad out of my house?"
The OP explained why she felt compelled to kick her mother and stepfather out of her house after their most recent visit:
"I 28 F[emale] recently gave birth to my son."
"My son has blonde hair, so did I up until I was like 4, and my hair has only gotten darker over time."
"My husband has black hair, I have very dark brown hair now, and our whole families have either one of these colors or similar."
"Our son having blonde hair is not something anyone else has reacted negatively towards."
"My mom and my stepdad came over as they usually do once a week."
"Me and my stepdad don't have a good relationship, neither is it bad."
"But every time they have visited, he has made comments about my son's hair."
"He jokes about getting one of those DNA kits for my husband and son, jokes about how my husband maybe should check my phone, asks if I have any hot blonde coworkers I have spent a lot of time with, and more stuff in that kind of way."
"My husband and I always tells him to stop, has explained that it is basic genetics since I had blonde hair."
"We have always been very polite in trying to get him to stop, but neither of us even finds it remotely funny."
"My mom doesn't say anything. I have talked with her and asked her to make him stop, but she says that she would rather not interfere with our relationship with him and that me and my husband should talk more with him."
"Now, the last time they were over, my husband went to the kitchen to grab some snacks, and my stepdad followed."
"After a minute, I just heard my husband slam a cabinet and very loudly tell my stepdad to shut the f*ck up or else he could get out immediately."
"Both me and my mom went to see what happened, my husband explained that my stepdad was going on again about me cheating on my husband."
"My husband lost it this time. I don't know, but I also did just that."
"I told them to leave and to don't come back until he apologizes."
"They tried to talk and explain how my stepdad was just joking, but I was stern and wanted them to leave."
"They eventually did."
"I texted my mom later that night trying to explain myself, as I felt bad for kicking her out too."
"She answered back with how my stepdad has been feeling really down, that he was disappointed in how I let my husband treat him and that they both expected some apologies and a lot of work to make up for this."
"I feel really bad and feel like an a**hole, I know I hurt my mom and my stepdad and that I may have taken a harsh decision in this."
"My sister told me that she understands my frustration, but it was an unnecessary thing for me to react like that."
"My husband is on my side and has told me that he is glad they won't come over."
"If I was an a**hole for reacting like this, I will apologize."
"BOTH my husband and I felt bad immediately afterward; both of us thought we were harsh, and both of us wanted to explain ourselves to my mom."
"However, my husband stopped feeling bad after my mom's answer, whereas I was still confused and frustrated by it all."
"I did not apologize for anything."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for kicking her stepfather and mother out of her house.
Everyone agreed that the OP and her husband had made it abundantly clear that they did not appreciate her stepfather's jokes. The insinuations are particularly harmful, and the OP should not allow them back until they realize that and offer her the apology she deserves.
"Uh. Wait. What?"
"So you're supposed to not support your spouse's alleged bad behavior but it's okay if your mom does?"
"Nope."
"It was not an overreaction."
"It was a clear boundary that was set and then trespassed."
"He broke the rule because he thinks he has a right to or that your rule is meaningless because it doesn't make sense or is stupid and therefore does not apply to him."
"And it's clear that your mother is either completely oblivious or is an enabler, so I absolutely would hold your mother just as accountable as your stepfather."
"I don't care how disappointed your stepfather is."
"He brought this on himself."
"How many times do you need to be told something?"
"He's acting like a two-year-old that cannot learn."
"And now he's trying to play the victim."
"I would tell them if they don't apologize and they're not coming over anymore, and I would stand my ground and make them know that I mean business when it comes to my boundaries."
"What's going to happen when your baby is a little bit older and you tell them not to feed it a certain food and then they just go behind your back and do it anyway?"
"What are the rules?"
"Are they going to deem frivolous and unnecessary that they don't need to respect?"
"They absolutely keep disrespecting you in your own home and disrespecting your child, which is their grandbaby that they are supposed to love."
"It sounds like to me they do not love or respect you or your husband or your child."
"They are the ones who owe the apology 100%."
"NTA."- United-Loss4914
"NTA."
"Your stepfather should never have made those 'jokes' in the first place, and your mom should have put a stop to it immediately."
"They are both at fault, and you're not the one owing an apology."
"Imagine your stepfather keeping making this 'joke' for years, until your son is old enough to understand it, what kind of damage it would do."
"I would keep that man away from my child."- Chimerica35
"Wow."
"I'm sorry."
"I don't find things like this to be remotely amusing because they are so hurtful."
"Upon hearing you don't like the joke, the matter should have been forever dropped."
"NTA."
"I don't care if other people shrug this kind of thing off."
"You clearly don't."
"I grew up hearing the jokes about how I must be the milkman's kid because some of the family swore I presented in childhood as looking like my mom and not my daddy."
"I remember feeling hurt and then really angry every single time."
"My grandfather one day just lost it and told his daughters, my dad's sisters, how cruel and unfunny I found it when I was like 13."
"So, again - if you don't think it's funny?"
"It's not a damned joke."
"You did the right thing."
"Good for you."
"'Mom, if you leave me to manage your husband?'"
"'He will get schooled and get his feelings hurt every single time.'"
"'This is on both of your heads.'"
"'I am not tolerating another second of this trashy behavior.'"
"'Thanks for listening'."- AndSoItGoes24
"NTA."
"You tried to talk to both of them several times."
"It was evident that at some point, the tone would rise."
"Is it ideal to scream at your stepdad?"
"Of course not."
"But you're young parents and are already quite overwhelmed and have exhausted (literally) all other options."
"How come the people who say hurtful things (or insinuate hurtful things, at least) are the first ones to talk about getting reparations?"- ladyteruki
"Calling you a cheater, especially in your own home, is not a joke."
"It's extremely offensive."
"He's been told this several times and persists in doing it."
"He can apologize or stay out of your life."
"And since your mother seems to think his behavior is okay, she can apologize or stay out of your life too."
"NTA."- voyageur1066
For a joke to be successful, it needs to be funny.
It's hard to think why anyone would find the idea that the OP fathered a child through an extramarital affair funny.
This is something the OP's mother should consider as she keeps waiting for her daughter to apologize, especially if she ever wants to see her grandson again.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.