Everyone dreams of what their wedding will be like.
When that big day finally comes, they hope it will all go perfectly.
Naturally, one or two things might not go as planned, but all brides and grooms try to take preventative measures to ensure that things will run as smoothly as possible.
This might sometimes mean leaving some people off the guest list.
Redditor NewAd5624 wasn’t thrilled that he couldn’t bring his 12-year-old daughter to his sister’s wedding, who claimed that she wanted the wedding to be “child-free.”
Even so, the original poster (OP) decided to respect his sister’s wishes and made arrangements for his daughter while she was at the wedding.
Upon arrival, however, the OP was furious to see that his younger sister lied to him, and made little to no effort to hide her displeasure.
Wondering if he was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘ambushing’ my sister at her wedding reception, because she told me her wedding was child free when it actually wasn’t?”
The OP explained why she couldn’t hide her anger towards her younger sister on her wedding day.
“My (46 M[ale]) sister Tracy (29 F[emale]) and I aren’t close, but we have a good relationship.”
“At least before this all happened.”
“Tracy got married recently, and she told me the wedding was child-free.”
“I have a daughter Ella (12 F) and asked Tracy if she could come, but she said sorry; she and her partner were sticking to the rules.”
“I managed to arrange for Ella to stay at a friend’s house for a couple of days since the wedding was in a different city.”
“So I went to the wedding, and I saw quite a few older children, including my other siblings’ kids.”
“I know this sounds like I should’ve known from before from my other siblings, but I never thought to ask them, ‘oh are your kids going.'”
“I did ask my brother at the wedding, and he said he was told the child-free limit was only for really young kids, the disruptive ages.”
“It was obvious Tracy lied to me about not bringing Ella.”
“We went through the ceremony, and towards the end of the reception, I pulled Tracy aside and said I realized she’d completely lied to me and there were plenty of other kids.”
“She looked pretty uncomfortable and said it wasn’t a big deal, but I replied I deserve an apology, and so does Ella at some point.”
“Tracy got mad and said I was ambushing her at her own wedding, and it’s her and her partner’s choice what they do.”
“We ended the conversation there and went off to talk to other people.”
“She sent me a text later saying I was being selfish, and I’m the one that should be apologizing to her and her husband for making a big deal out of this.”
“I’ll admit I sent a not-so-nice text back about her caring more about aesthetics than people.”
“Now it’s sort of blown up within our family.”
“AITA?”
The OP later returned in the comments section to share that there was, in fact, a much more specific reason why his daughter was excluded from the wedding when others weren’t.
“My daughter’s arm was amputated when she and my late wife were in an accident.”
“Tracy didn’t say it directly, but I could tell this is highly likely the reason why, so that’s why I said she cares more about aesthetics than people.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for calling Tracy out at her wedding for excluding his daughter.
Everyone agreed that not only was it ill-advised for Tracy to tell the OP that Ella couldn’t come because of the “child-free” rule, as he would immediately notice that there would be other children there, but the fact that she possibly excluded her owing to her amputation made it unforgivably cruel.
“Wait, Tracy excluded your 12 year old daughter from her wedding because of the child’s amputated arm?”
“Are you f*cking kidding me?”
“‘Dear Family Members,'”
“‘You should be aware that Tracy lied and told me that her wedding was child-free in order to exclude Ella, when all other cousins her age were included.'”
“‘You can imagine why, and exactly how Ella will feel when she realizes this.'”
“‘From where I sit, Tracy’s decision was cruel with a dash of evil.'”
“‘To those of you who think it was wrong of me to mention this to Tracy on her special day, from where I sit, not only are you complicit in Tracy’s vile decision, but you lack even a rudimentary understanding of the difference between morality and the most superficial iteration of aesthetics’.”
“‘There will be no apology, and no further discussion’.”
“‘I will no longer be associating with Tracy, nor will other kind human beings’.”
“‘Perhaps Satan and his minions will be available to fill the seats at her next event’.”
“‘Best, OP’.”
“NTA.”- Nester1953
“NTA.”
“She was definitely dishonest with you concerning how child-free her wedding was, and it being a wedding doesn’t make it any less of a big deal.”
“Now, maybe there is something about your child’s behavior that we don’t know about.”
“But for me, my AH rating was based on how your sister gaslights you first, then gets ‘angry’ next to try and stop the conversation.”
“If she has a problem with your daughter’s behavior, she needs to be honest and just say what it is.”
“After finding out the daughter had her arm amputated, OP’s sister is not only an AH but a monster.”
“OP, cut that toxicity from your life.”
“As a dad, I’m just so angry for you.”
“Big hugs from all of us here for you and your daughter.”- stevebo0124
“NTA.”
“So at the next family gathering, Ella is going to find out that Aunt Tracey invited a lot of her cousins but purposely excluded her?”
“That’s messed up.”- ComputerCrafty4781
“NTA.”
“She lied to you and excluded your daughter and then tried to make her lying your fault by claiming you’re selfish.”
“Your sister should be apologizing to you and your daughter.”- mattstoicbuddha
“NTA.”
“Please do not apologize to this woman because you defended your disabled daughter.”
“Any of your family who believes a bride’s aesthetic is more important than your daughter’s dignity deserves no time of day from you.”
“Thank you for fighting for your daughter’s right to be accepted as an equal member of your family, and absolute shame on every single member of your family who valued aesthetics over your daughter.”
“Sincerely, a mother to a disabled son.”- CheeryBottom
“NTA.”
“100%, sister is an AH.”- SnooHobbies8729
“Well, clearly, she targeted your daughter.”
“The question is why?”
“Because your daughter is going to figure it out at some point and realize her aunt specifically did not want her at the wedding.”
“I’d be pissed.”
“NTA.”- corgihuntress
“Your sister lied to you.”
“Regardless of the time and place, you were justified in being upset and asking her why she lied.”
“You and your daughter do deserve an apology, and your sister needs to give one.”
“Would it have been better for you to wait until after the wedding?”
“Possibly.”
“But you weren’t yelling at her or anything.”
“I say NTA.”- AsterismRaptor
“NTA.”
“Your sister didn’t want a child-free wedding. She wanted an amputee-free wedding.”
“That’s absolutely terrible, and I’m so sorry you and Ella have to deal with her.”
‘I would definitely go no contact after this.”- RetroBibliotecaria
“NTA at all.”
“Your sister is a major AH.”
“Both and your daughter need to not give her the time of day going forward.”
“She showed you both how superficial she is.”- Little_Meringue766
“NTA, hell no.”
“Ambush my @ss she got caught in some bs and tried to then play the victim.”
“You didn’t fake a toast and mention it.”
“You didn’t scream at her.”
“I would be mad and would’ve left, and when asked, I would have told the truth about why.”
“The no kid thing is sort of bs in the first place if they’re family, but it is what it is.”
“I can understand the reason why someone wouldn’t want them there, even if I don’t agree with it.”
“She just outright lied, knowing she would be caught.”
“So it was about having the siblings there so she wouldn’t have to explain why a sibling didn’t come, selfish all around.” – AcidNewports
It’s shocking enough that the OP would want to intentionally exclude her niece from her wedding.
But the fact that she seemed to have done it owing to the fact that her niece was an amputee is pretty disgraceful.
As is the fact that some of the OP’s family actually seem to be taking Tracy’s side.
One can only imagine that the OP won’t be hurt not to receive any more invitations from Tracy, as it is doubtful he would accept them.