Sometimes certain behaviors have bigger meaning than what they seem.
It can be hard to see red flags.
That’s why you ask around and replay situations to others.
Others may see what you are not.
Case in point…
Redditor throw65687 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for expecting my husband to pay for my eyeshadow palette that he threw out?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (30 F[emale]) used to have skin issues for most of my life.”
“And recently, finally got the chance to start wearing makeup.”
“My husband consents it except, he thinks the eye-shadow colors I apply are inappropriate and ‘wild.'”
“He told me to tone it down because some of these eye shadows give strangers the wrong impression.”
“In other words I’d look like a hooker wearing them.”
“I took his opinion under consideration but he still wasn’t happy.”
“He asked that I use nude colors and give up the blue, purple, red and the light colors but I refused.”
“Yesterday I discovered he threw away all my 3 eye-shadow palette sets.”
“His reasons were that I wore inappropriate colors when we visited his parents.”
“I yelled at him, saying he never should’ve touched them.”
“He said he already gave me a warning about it and I shouldn’t act shocked.”
“I told him this is ridiculous and that I expect him to pay me for every single palette he threw out.”
“Not just that but get the same shades/colors.”
“He said it wasn’t is fault I brushed him off and refused to listen when he said I was looking like a clown and was embarrassing him.”
“Now this made me feel so offeneded.”
“I refused to talk to him after that.”
“He told me I was making a mountain out if mole hill and said I need to start thinking about using ‘colorless’ shades that don’t pop up like the ones I used.”
“Am I wrong for going against what he wants and expecting him to pay or buy me the same color palettes?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. This is way bigger than just eyeshadow.”
“He shouldn’t get to ‘consent’ to whether you wear makeup or not.”
“It’s your body and your face.”
“He made demands that you do what he wanted.”
“When you refused to listen, he threw out YOUR stuff and said you shouldn’t be surprised, because he ‘warned’ you.”
“Who is he to warn you about anything?”
“He’s your husband, not your lord and master.”
“Now, he’s minimizing his behavior.”
“He has no right to try to dictate how you should look.”
“If he tried that on a co-worker, he’d get arrested or, at least, it would be grounds for being written up or fired.”
“Why is it okay that he does that to you, someone he supposedly loves?”
“This is not going to get better, OP.”
“He thinks he has the right to control you and will keep on doing that.”
“I’d get out now.” ~ Arbor_Arabicae
“Red flags and sirens went off when I read that too.”
“Totally expected attitude, behavior would have included a punch in the face, pre 1975 when no fault divorce became legal.”
“I was the 5th in my county to escape with protection in my county.”
“OP I was you plus.”
“OP RUN!!!!!!! Do not stop until you reach a lawyer.”
“Do Not Say ‘But I love him’ the harsh truth, love isn’t love when it only exists on one side of the relationship.”
“If he is not treating you with the same level of respect and dignity HE expects from you, how is that love?”
“Pease describe for me what love is, in great specific detail.”
“Then I would ask you to tell me why you are staying, not excuses, valid reasons.”
“In case you haven’t checked there are services and perhaps even benefits available if you have no job or money of your own.”
“You need to start loving yourself right now, you do not deserve to be spoken to that way.”
“Under no circumstances should you allow anyone to have sovereignty (unquestioned control or ownership) over your; body, appearance, choice of viewing or reading material, friends and family, what when or where you eat, your ability to access your or joint finances/accounts.”
“Absolutely no one has the right to restrict your movements, or abuse your body.”
“No Marriage Certificate grants these powers of control.”
“I’m so very sorry this had to be your experience, this grandma just had to sit you down and tell you the truth.” ~ pumainpurple
“NTA. I would put your husband exactly where he put your makeup in the garbage.”
“He has no right to tell you what you can put on your face.”
“You’ve been wearing makeup I’m assuming throughout your whole relationship, but shouldn’t be a surprise.”
“Maybe he should have dated a person who doesn’t like makeup, they can tone it down for him.”
“Your husband sounds like a child, that was his temper tantrum.” ~ vengi15
“My dear, his problem isn’t the color.”
“His problem is not being able to control you when he asked.”
“This is scratching the surface and he’s poking at your boundaries to see how far he can push.”
“Today, it’s eyeshadow, tomorrow it will be the way you dress, the next it will be what you eat.”
“After that it will be who you speak to and make friends with and then it will be how you spend your money and time… and it will continue to escalate.”
“Address this HEAD ON!!”
“Do not demure to his reasoning of ‘I don’t want.'”
“It’s your f**king FACE, it’s yours, not his.”
“He can’t control you unless you let him, and he is clearly showing you he wants to control you.” ~ BrownSugarBare
“As someone who’s been through five years of domestic abuse.”
“I tell you this: stop trying to justify his unjustifiable actions.”
“The mental burden to try and comprehend and even justify abusive behavior is already exhausting.”
“It’s been four years since I left him and I still deal with severe anxiety whenever I’m in conflict with my loved ones because of this.”
“His behavior is not yours to reason with – he should be trying to figure out his feelings and communicate them with you, not the opposite.”
“You may even think ‘but it’s just makeup, not worth picking a fight over this’ – WRONG.”
“Anything that he does that challenges your beliefs, your wants, your needs, your health, your choices is worth fighting for.”
“I’m really happy for you wearing makeup as a way to deal with your skin issues.”
“I also have several of them!”
“But don’t like makeup, so I just bear with them.”
“DO NOT let him guilt trip and manipulate you into accepting choices HE makes FOR you.”
“You know what’s best and appropriate. Trust you gut.”
“I hope you break this cycle before it drags you inside – toxic relationships are tough to leave and even tougher to go through.”
“You’re NTA.” ~ Key-Two-6226
“NTA, but you have a bigger problem than your eyeshadow.”
“You have a volatile, bully husband who destroys your stuff when you don’t meet his wardrobe parameters.”
“You should not need his ‘consent’ to wear makeup.”
“He said it wasn’t is fault I brushed him off and refused to listen when he said I was looking like a clown and was embarrassing him.”
“This dude browbeats and does this to keep you under his thumb.”
“What do you think he’s going to break next if he’s not getting your total, groveling obedience?”
“Look in a textbook under ‘abuser’ and this guy is the definition, down to the ‘not his fault he HAD to break your stuff–you MADE him act like that.'”
“Run, run away.” ~ Sea-Mud5386
“NTA. Hun, you’re in a relationship with an abusive man.”
“The sooner you realise that that sort of reaction to a freaking eye shadow color is unacceptable, and it’s your freaking eyelids and you can do what you want, the better.”
“No guy has ever wanted to proposition a girl purely due to the colour of her eyeshadow.”
“Hell if his ideology is true, I’m a freaking madam of a brothel then coz I love colourful eyeshadows and I do my friends makeup all the time.” ~ SleepDangerous1074
“I don’t know where you are, but the entire post is alarming to me.”
“‘My husband consents!’ WTF?”
“That’s just the start of this whole mess.”
“So, your husband, in his infinite wisdom, thought his parents would think you started working as a prostitute?”
“And, he took it upon himself to throw your stuff in the trash?”
“HE is making a mountain out of a molehill–throwing away your stuff over his petty and insane grievances. NTA.” ~ melouofs
Well Reddit did not mince words.
Sounds like OP should be thinking longer and harder about life choices beyond make-up.
There are some actions that signify a different type of bahavior.
OP, we wish you the best.