When planning a wedding, the first thing one needs to get the ball rolling is setting a date.
This gives brides and grooms a deadline for choosing outfits, picking a caterer, finding a band or DJ, and sending out invitations.
Then too, should a venue be the priority, brides and grooms might not always have a wide range of dates to choose from.
As a result, it’s sadly something of a given that the chosen wedding date likely won’t work for everyone.
In some unfortunate cases, however, others might actually be resentful of a chosen date.
Such was sadly the case for Redditor trashypanda89, whose sister was not at all pleased when she learned of their chosen wedding date.
As it directly followed a day with special significance to her.
Worried they were being insensitive, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for having my wedding the day after my sister’s birthday?”
The OP explained how their sister felt they were being thoughtless with the wedding day they selected.
“My fiancé and I are in the process of planning our wedding.”
“We decided on a venue and were given a list of available dates.”
“We picked the option that worked out for both our work schedules.”
“This happens to be the day after my sister’s birthday.”
“My sister seemed a little annoyed that I picked that date and I told her it was the only one that worked for us.”
“I can tell she is mad.”
“She said it will affect her birthday every year now.”
“I know it will affect her birthday this year as it will be on the night of the rehearsal dinner but in future years it’s not like we will be having big celebrations for our anniversary requiring her attendance.”
“My parents think I am being a bit selfish and asked how I would feel if she got married on my birthday weekend.”
“I told them I honestly wouldn’t care.”
“They smirked and said they will suggest she do that when she gets married.”
“My sister has mentioned me taking over her birthday weekend several times and mentioning how she won’t be able to celebrate.”
“So AITA here for not picking another weekend?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community wholeheartedly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for scheduling their wedding the day after their sister’s birthday.
Everyone agreed that no couple, including the OP and their fiancé, should have to be beholden by every restriction when planning a wedding, and their sister was overreacting, though some felt the OP should at least acknowledge their sister on her birthday.
“Between families, holidays, and the demands of daily life, some people would never manage to get married if they were held to restrictions like that.”
“It’s not like you are having the wedding ON her birthday.”
“If you get pregnant and the baby is due on her birthday, is she going to have a fit about that too?”
“I would suggest that you explore whether having the rehearsal dinner a night early might be an option, but if it’s not, I wouldn’t move the wedding for that.”
“Maybe recognize her birthday at the dinner, though.”
“Only in this case, I wouldn’t expect people to forget her birthday since she’s already whining about it.”- Material-Profit5923
“This isn’t even about the future.”
“It’s not like my sister, who got married right after my birthday, expects me to celebrate her anniversary.”
“She had her event, life moved on.”
“Is your sister older, but not married?”
“Does she have a temper or is super-volatile so your family is always appeasing her?”- Straight-Singer-2912
“First people can’t have a wedding in the same month, year, or decade as someone else.”
“Now we can’t have it around someone’s bday.”
“Good lord what is wrong with people?”- murphy2345678
“Last year my sister got married the day after my birthday, then this year they had their wedding, delayed by Covid, the day before my birthday.”
“It didn’t bother me at all.”
“It was the date that worked best for her, her wife, and our family.”
“Scheduling weddings can be difficult, and since it’s not a milestone birthday, then your sister is being a brat.”- photosbeersandteach
“A birthday is one day, not a weekend.”
“With all of the Covid rescheduling and waiting for things to die down to even begin planning, you have to take a good date when you get one!”
“She can get over it.”
“NTA and best wishes!”- PrettySweet419
“How old is your sister?”
“It might be a thing if it’s her sweet sixteen or quinceanera or her 21st, but once you are an adult, birthdays either become not a big deal, or a week-long celebration lunching and dining and partying with your entire social circle, scheduled around everyone’s busy lives.”
“Anyway, finding a venue in budget with all the things is wicked hard and you do your best, but chances are you will have to compromise on dates.”
“If mom wants you to be more considerate about the dates, then let her pay for a higher priced venue with more availability.”- Aunt_Anne
“But your parents?”
“Your parents are some real a**holes.”
“Are you sure you want to invite them to the wedding?”-JerryVand
“I had a family friend recently get married and the wedding weekend happened to be during her birthday and her younger sister’s.”
“The only available date at the church they attended.”
“They had a nice birthday celebration afterward for both of them.”
“I’d say NTA but do a nice acknowledgment for her, which seems like your plan based on comments.”- AccurateBill1221
“NTA your sister is the A-hole it’s after her birthday not ON her Birthday.”- SquidInkInWater
“After the wedding, your anniversary is only for you and your husband.”
“It has nothing to do with your sister or the rest of your family.”
“She’s making an issue out of nothing and this is silly.”- ajt9814
“Unless it’s one of the big ones, 30/40/50 etc. I’m going with NTA.”
“And you don’t get a birthday weekend, you get one day, your birthDAY.”- waitaforkingminute
“Between birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, kids’ sporting competitions, you’d be hard to find a date that isn’t within the same week as SOMETHING for someone in your family.”
“Looking at my family’s weddings, they’ve been on the same day as kids’ birthdays, prom, college graduation, you name it.”
“Yes, this year will be a little bummer for your sister with the rehearsal being on her birthday and so she can’t have plans with her friends Saturday night, but it’s one and done.”
“So long as you don’t make a big deal out of your anniversary every year, and let’s be real, anniversaries really should only be celebrated between the couple, the end, she will continue to be the center of attention for the rest of her life on her birthday.”
“Now assuming this is just her being upset at the moment and she’s actually a decent human being, I’d suggest you find a sisterly way of making her feel special on her birthday, take her to lunch just the two of you, get your nails done together, or similar.”
“Not because you have to, but because that’s what a decent sister would do.”- Local-Letterhead1849
“I think she’s more worried about her birthday this year than she is for the rest of the years to come.”
“Maybe there is a way to still celebrate her birthday during the rehearsal dinner?”
“Because rehearsal dinners are just fancy dinners that everyone goes to the night before to meet and greet so I wouldn’t see the problem in getting a birthday cake delivered and to tell people to bring birthday presents and surprise your sister.”- sandra_445576
There were, however, a select few who felt the OP sister did have the right to be upset, even if they still maintain they did nothing wrong when choosing their date.
“NAH but she is right this will affect her birthday for the rest of her life.”
“Whether you have a simple birthday dinner or a huge celebration it’s always going to butt up against whatever she wants to do for her birthday.”
“There may be years where you want to take a trip for your anniversary and you won’t even be able to attend her birthday celebration at all.”- keesouth
It’s fair to say that a birthday is the one year a day when everyone is entitled to feel special.
But a birthday comes once a year, weddings are, for most people anyway, once in a lifetime.
Hopefully, the OP’s sister might realize this before the big day arrives.
If this birthday won’t be the big celebration she hoped for, she can make next year’s all the more special with her new brother-in-law.