There are a few rules when it comes to re-gifting.
If the gift is impersonal, or if you know there isn’t any emotional connection to it re-gifting should be socially acceptable.
But, when someone works tirelessly to give you a thoughtful, expensive gift, you should be grateful and keep said gift. Or at least re-gift it to someone the original gifter doesn’t know.
Redditor ThrowRArushel23 encountered this very issue with her mom. So she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
She asked:
“AITA for ‘ruining’ my sister’s graduation party?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This happened a month ago but I’m still confused about how I reacted so I want to know if I’m in the wrong here.”
“I am (19f) a college student. I have a full scholarship that pays for tuition and boarding. I also work part time to pay for other expenses.”
“In short, I never ask my parents for money as I can provide for myself.”
“My mom’s birthday was last June. I saved enough money to buy her a Montblanc watch as she loves watches.”
“To some it might not be as posh but it took me more than a year to save for it.”
OP was happy to give her mom a nice gift.
“My sister (17f) graduated last month and I went home to celebrate with them.”
“In our country they do the ceremony via zoom because of the pandemic. When I got home, I saw my sister wearing mom’s birthday present.”
“I asked her about the watch and she said it was mom’s graduation gift to her. My heart sank.”
“I asked mom to talk to me in the kitchen, why she gave away the watch I got her. Mom said she has enough watches already and my sister loved the one I got her so she just gave it away.”
OP was heartbroken.
“I left the house after excusing myself.”
“I have always felt my parents favor my sister over me but this time I sort of confirmed it. How could my mom just give away something she knows I worked hard for.”
“My sister called me later that night asking why I left and I just told her I suddenly felt sick. My mom and dad said I ruined the dinner that was supposed to celebrate my sister’s achievement and I was petty for walking out of the dinner party.”
“Please tell me if I overreacted? AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. You quietly left and gave a plausible excuse.”
“I’m sure dinner wasn’t ruined-that’s just your mom trying to guilt trip you. I’d be livid if my mom did what yours did. That’s a terrible thing to do and what’s worse is she doesn’t even feel any regret or remorse for hurting you.”
“Obviously never get her another gift ever again.” ~ darcie33
“The mom ruined it by flippantly giving away the gift op worked hard to get her. OP, you are right, you are the scapegoat, time to distance yourself from them all.” ~ CJSinTX
“TBH I’m petty and would also tell OPs sister where the watch REALLY came from and the truth that OP was hurt her mother gave away a gift she saved up for for over a year which is why she left. Bonus if OP has the receipt or can pull up the transaction on her card/banking.”
“She should say she didn’t mean to leave to hurt her sister (because the parents favouritism probably isn’t her sisters fault) but that she couldn’t look at her mother for giving away a gift she worked super hard to get.”
“Congratulate her sister and if you want OP say you two can celebrate on your own sometime without your parents.”
“But definitely go LC or NC with parents if your able to provide on your own, make sure you have all your important documents (incase you left some with family) and if you want do the same with your sister if she is spoilt from your parents favoritism or if you just want to in general.” ~ TheoryAddict
“NTA – you worked really hard for that watch and saved up for over a year. This wasn’t a gift to re-gift. If she didn’t want it, she should have given it back to you to return and so you could use the money on yourself. This wasn’t a gift for your sister.”
“Your mom is TA for telling you that your ruined the graduation party. Yes, you could have probably sucked it up and stayed for your sister, but I don’t blame you for just leaving.” ~ dookle14
Others suggested OP doesn’t buy gifts for her mom anymore.
“Right? I would never buy her anything again, and if she asks, tell her you’re tired of her giving away stuff that you worked hard for.” ~ Flashy_Current2284
“At least for the mother but perhaps not from the sister. I think OP should tell the sister that this is a regift from OP and that she hopes she’ll enjoy the watch.”
“We need more info on the relationship between OP and the sister to gauge whether the sister takes part in this toxic pattern or not.” ~ ImFinePleaseThanks
“I dunno, socks every year sounds like a good gift, if she wants to even stay in contact.” ~ Traksimuss
“Darn Tough socks. $15-$40 a pair, but if she ever complains ‘It’s darn tough you don’t appreciate this gift. So pass them over to sister I guess.’ Lol” ~ Yzma_Kitt
“Am I weird because I actually would love actually good socks as a gift?”
“OP, don’t get your mum socks if there is any chance she’ll like them. She is not worth it. – MAYBE if you get a heartfelt apology, but I’d be surprised if that happened.” ~ a_sack_of_hamsters
“Yep, IF she want to stay in contact with them. If it were me, I would just ask sis what she’s currently into. Then buy something, wrap it up all festive-like and hand it to her while they’re at their parents then tell her mother happy birthday. Saves time and effort, and at least she’d get credit.” ~ WannaPlay2505
OP deserved the credit for such a thoughtful gift.