Redditor “revelup13” revealed she did something so regrettable and embarrassing, she just had to share it with Reddit’s TIFU (Today I F’d Up) subReddit community.
The unspeakable happened when the sleep-deprived Original Poster (OP) decided to do two things at once as part of her nighttime regimen.
Since English is not her first language, she apologized ahead of time for any “mistakes” in her post. However, she did show she was very well-versed in expletives.
The OP wrote:
“This actually happened yesterday but let’s pretend it was today (please let me have this).”
“It was 8 am, I stayed awake all night and was sleep deprived because my dumba** stayed awake the entire night browsing Reddit and watching Youtube videos.”
“I went to the bathroom so I could brush my teeth and finally go to bed after what felt like forever.”
“At first everything was normal, just brushing my teeth nothing can go wrong, and then I made the horrible decision of using some mouthwash.”
The OP then had an epiphany after prematurely using the mouthwash.
“Now I remind you I was extremely sleep deprived and wanted to get things done as quickly as possible so I figured you know what? I’m gonna pee with the mouthwash still in my mouth (since you have to wait for like half a minute before you spit it out) and then quickly wipe, wash my hands and spit the mouthwash on the sink right on time.”
“As soon as I sat on the toilet I immediately started regretting all of my life decisions. F’k, there’s no way this is gonna work.”
“50 seconds later and my mouth is starting to burn like crazy because I’m white and mint is too spicy for me I guess, I don’t know. Thing is I knew I had to spit the mouthwash, and I had to do it QUICKLY.”
“So an idea came to mind. I’m just gonna open my legs a little bit while still sitting and aim between them so I can spit inside the toilet as I’m peeing (not my most dignified moment, I know).”
“Dumbest f’king thing I’ve done in my life. Turns out I’ve overestimated how good my aim really is because it went right into my p**sy (ha, bet you weren’t expecting that outcome).”
“But yeah, I immediately felt it.”
“It burned, it burned like crazy but f’k I was halfway there, still had some in my mouth and it was too late already so I tried to change my aim a little bit and… I failed again. I ended up spitting the remaining of the mouthwash all over the bathroom floor.”
“So I’m sitting there, mouthwash on my coochie, mouthwash on the floor, mouthwash everywhere. All I know is I’m in pain and I need that sh*t to stop before I get an infection of some sort so I grab a few baby wipes and try to clean myself.”
“It didn’t work, I think I made it even worse somehow.”
“Thank god for bidets, saved me from having to take a shower right then and there.”
“After that I had to kneel down on the floor and wipe the remaining of the mouthwash which was literally f’king everywhere to the point I could still smell some traces of it after I finished.”
“Once everything’s as clean as it can be I went right the f’k to sleep and forgot about everything. That is until when I woke up the day after and my mom asked me what the f’k did I do in the bathroom and why is there mouthwash behind the sink (seriously? how the f’k did it get there?).”
The responses to her calamitous anecdote were equally ludicrous.
“I read a post the other day where a guy was freaked out about the smell of vagina’s because he’d been told they smell ‘fishy’ and fish makes him vomit.”
“Shall I tell him I’ve found his dream woman?” – SaggyBum001
This Redditor took her story as a cautionary tale.
“My husband and I had got the kids down to bed… We have a strict routine for when we have sex. Shower, teeth brushed, and mouthwash… Always.”
“We aren’t big on spontaneous sex because we are kind of clean freaks when it comes to this topic.”
“The feeling of mouthwash down there is horrible! We now have added rewashing our hands after using the mouthwash just in case. Never again! Instant turnoff!!!” – PersuingHappyness
The post offered a space for commiserating.
“I once accidentally got icyhot on my coochie. Does it help to know there are others like you out there?” – griffinsminion
“one time i spilled acetone on my crotch while sitting cross legged and wearing leggings. i feel your pain.” – 411SKIN
“Jesus, I feel your pain. I’m not going to explain how (I was being an idiot as usual), but at one point I got rubbing alcohol in my a**hole and it is legitimately a form of torture.” – TheGreatQ-Tip
“Hahahaha, I feel for you! I have also been deluded in thinking this was the best idea ever.”
“I was drunk and naked and thought I could pee, poop and puke at the same time. I fell asleep on the toilet for 3 hours, woke up covered in vomit, tries to clean up, showered and went back to bed. Worst hangover ever.” – carmender
A mere glance at the title led to an interesting interpretation of substance.
“Misread the title at first and gasped at the thought of you ruining your stash of cocaine. Thank God it was just your coochie.” – SigmundFreud
“My stupid brain read this as ‘spitting my mouthwash right into my cocaine’ and I feel pretty let down by yet another anatomical comedy.” – D___Trump
When asked how she explained herself to her mother, the OP said:
“I told her exactly what I just told you and she wasn’t even all that surprised lmao. I don’t know what that says about me, I promise I’m not always this stupid.”