Some people love being the center of attention.
The trouble is that sometimes they love the attention so much that they refuse to share it – even when someone else deserves it.
So, what happens when you refuse to share a spotlight that’s rightfully yours?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) starwarsmonkeyz when they came tot the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
OP asked:
“AITA for telling my friend she can’t announce her pregnancy during my Birthday Party?”
An Introduction.
“Leah has always been one of those people who always wants to be in the spotlight.”
“This never l bothered me as I am quite an introverted person.”
Let’s party!
“Anyways skipping to my birthday.”
“We have been planning this party for a long time as I have been really depressed the past couple years and this was my first big gathering with all my friends and family who were also there to support my recovery.”
“I was sending out the invites and was really excited.”
“We were ordering in pizzas and KFC which are my two absolute favourites.”
The planning was a problem.
“Anyways I tell everyone in the group-chat that we will be ordering this and everyone is excited but then Leah messages and says she ‘can’t have that’ because she is Vegan.”
“She then went on to say it was disrespectful that I wasn’t being inclusive to everyone.”
“In private messages she started going on about how it was really rude of me to not have asked before organising food and that I was ‘discriminating against her being a vegan’ so I got really stressed and didn’t know what to do.”
“I then said I would order her some food separately from a Vegan place and that I would pay and she went quiet.”
“The day before the party I got a message in the group from her saying ‘@everyone Can’t wait to catch up with you all this weekend. I have some exciting news of my own I would like to share!'”
“Confused about this, I message her personally and asked what this was about as I didn’t quite understand as to why she had to announce it on MY birthday.”
“It also pissed me off how she was texting the groupchat as if she was the one who was organising the party.”
“We have quite a lot of mutual friends but at the end of the day it was MY GROUPCHAT and she was treating it like it was some mass gathering for her.”
“Leah said she was ‘planning on telling everyone about her pregnancy'”.
“I was shocked.”
“Not only did I feel like she was purposefully trying to ruin my birthday but I was even more hurt she didn’t even ask me first.”
“After all it was MY birthday party.. I told her I did not want her to announce it on my birthday and that I found it really rude of her to not have asked me first.”
“She then went OFF at me and started complaining about how this was her ‘only opportunity to do it’ as ‘everyone would be there’ and the ‘timing was so perfect’ and that I had ‘ruined her plan’ and that I am a ‘selfish and bad friend’ for not being happy for her.”
“She then said she can do ‘whatever the f she wants and I can’t stop her from announcing it’ I was too stressed that I sent her a text uninviting her to my party and then blocked her.”
“All day I got calls and texts from her family saying I was ‘selfish and rude’ and that I ‘was narcissistic’ and that I was a ‘bad friend'”.
“They all basically called me an a**hole for uninviting her and for being really ‘mean’ to her too. All these texts made me feel really guilty and like an a**hole, so here I am Reddit… “
OP was left to wonder,
“AlTA here?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Just a little petty.
“NTA”
“It’s rude to steal someone else’s event for your own announcements.”
“I would disinvite her.”
“You know she is going to make a scene. Or I would be petty and make an announcement and tag everyone invited about Leas’ pregnancy.” ~ oaksandpines1776
“I would go on the group chat and respond, ‘oh is this about your pregnancy? I’d prefer it if you did not use my event for your announcement. Maybe we can set up a lunch with friends for you to announce it?”‘
“Then break out the popcorn.” ~ Prudent_Plan_6451
“As a NY Italian, you’ve done well, and your training is now complete 😌”
“Edit: to contribute some extra pettiness, I would layer on the passive-aggressive congratulations too.”
“’Aw Leah, I had no idea you were planning on announcing your pregnancy at my party!'”
“‘I’m kinda surprised you don’t want to have your own party to announce it, though? I’m sure we would all be happy to attend a baby shower!!'”
“‘@everyone, can we try to hold a weekend open next month for Leah so she can plan something? There’s no reason for your announcement to be overshadowed by my birthday party.”’
“Fin.” ~ ale__locas
It’s my party.
“NTA, this is your b-day one day a year when it’s just about you.”
“You’re throwing a party, making all the plans.”
“She has no right to take that from you.”
“Sounds like early on, she wanted you to feel guilty by causing an issue with the food.”
“When you fixed that, she had to find another way to make it about her.”
“NTA 100000% NTA.”
“Keep her blocked. Block her family. She doesn’t sound like a real friend and more like a person who needs YOU to make her feel more important in her unimportant life.” ~ Jupiter_quasar
“INFO: do the people who are calling you an a**hole know why you uninvited her?”
“NTA -“
“There’s a time and place to make things about you and make announcements, plus you 100% need permission from the host/guest of honor.”
“She was rude when she messaged about not being able to eat the food, presumptuous when she posted she was going to make the announcement and ultimately TA for telling you it was because she was pregnant and getting mad at you for you not wanting her to announce.” ~ Strict-Issue-2030
Food for thought.
“And the food thing is crap. Sorry Vegan can be difficult to add for one person. Now you don’t have to special order. Add all of us to the group chat then send the oops message. NTA” ~ No-Display-3729
“I have had a lot of dietary restrictions and was a vegetarian for a long time and never expected anyone to cater to me at parties.”
“There’s generally something you can eat and incase I’d just eat beforehand and have a snack on hand if it was a longer party.”
“This ‘friend’ sounds ridiculous and like they want to find any reason to take offense (‘discrimination again vegans’ lol).”
“Also sounds like her family spoiled and coddled her for her to turn out like this and for them to completely back her up and harass OP when she tried to block her.”
“They need to mind their business.” ~ Altruistic-Order-661
Commenters had harsh words for OP’s friend.
“Don’t feel guilty about this person.”
“If anyone is being narcissistic, it would be her. It’s YOUR party, and you put in a very obvious boundary that she told you she planned on breaking.”
“You preemptively told her that she wasn’t welcome to the party. This makes you NTA. Enjoy your party; I’m lightweight jealous ’cause that sounds lit.” ~ JupiterSWarrior
“You’re NTA.”
“Your cousin friend sounds insufferable and self-absorbed.”
“If you were as spiteful as I am, you would block her from the chat and tell everyone her news for her before your party.”
“ETA- okay, maybe I wouldn’t announce the news.”
“But I would block her from chat, uninvite her from the party, and reschedule it so she couldn’t crash it.”
“Further edit- now I see you already did most of that. I hope you stand your ground.”
“Last edit (I hope)- called her friend her cousin because… I have no excuse. Probably my mind merged this one with another post.” ~ Dittoheadforever
Not everyone was on OP’s side.
“YTA.”
“Zero reason you couldn’t have said ‘absolutely, but would you mind waiting until the end so it doesn’t steal the focus?'”
“And as an adult your birthday does not need to be just about you, were any side conversations allowed or did you expect everyone to base their conversations on you as well?!”
“Tad creepy if I’m being honest….” ~ Redditmedaddy69
“YTA how old are you now?”
“If this is a time when all your friends are going to be together this is big news for her to let your circle of friends know.”
“It’s not like it’s your wedding or baby shower; it’s a birthday for what I’m assuming is an adult.”
“Most of the time, I agree with OP when someone wants to make a birth announcement, especially at a wedding or shower, but this is a birthday.”
“I need to say YTA and grow up.” ~ 55×11
Sharing is caring isn’t just for the toys we love as kids.
It’s for time, energy, and space.
And spotlights.