They say opposites attract.
And indeed, sometimes people find themselves falling head over heels for someone whose interests, hobbies, and beliefs couldn’t be more different from their own.
Even when it comes to standards of cleanliness.
Indeed, there are numerous couples where one couldn’t care less about the growing mess they live in, and the other can’t bear to leave even one dirty dish in the sink.
While most of the time, they find a way to happily co-inhabit, everyone has their limits.
Redditor Upper-Term-7185 had some non-negotiable standards when it came to cleanliness.
Something the original poster (OP)’s boyfriend sadly didn’t see eye-to-eye with her.
When her boyfriend refused to compromise on one particular night, the OP felt she had no other choice but to up and leave.
Missing a planned day with her boyfriend’s family as a result.
Wondering if she was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to sleep in my boyfriend’s dirty bed?”
The OP explained why she found herself driving home in the middle of the night instead of spending it with her boyfriend:
“Last night I (41 F[emale]) had planned to stay the night at my boyfriend’s place (39), who lives about an hour away from me.”
“We went out to watch a band play, had a good time, and grabbed some food on the way back.”
“My bf knows that I’m particular about the bed, and I almost always change his bedsheets when I come over, because he rarely changes them.”
“Well last night, when I was going to change the bed, he wouldn’t let me.”
“He had a dirty, ripped up fitted sheet that wasn’t even stretched over the entire mattress leaving half of it bare, and the side that was covered was full of big holes revealing the dirty mattress underneath.”
“I told him there was no way I was sleeping in a bed like that and asked him to let me fix it.”
“It would have taken me 3 minutes, and he didn’t have to do anything.”
“He said the bed was fine; turned out the lights and hopped in.”
“I continued to beg him to let me put fresh sheets on and threatened to drive home but he said I was being ridiculous.”
“I asked if I could get a blanket to lie on the couch and he threw a dirty stained mattress cover at me and said ‘use this’.”
“So I left and drove all the way home, at 2 am.”
“We had planned to go to his family’s the next morning, but I told him as I was leaving that I wasn’t driving all the way back.”
“The next morning he was calling me asking why I wasn’t at his family’s as planned.”
“I told him I wasn’t driving all the way back after having to drive home last night.”
“He said I was rude for not going to his family’s and is now mad me.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for refusing to sleep in her boyfriend’s dirty bed.
Everyone agreed that the OP did absolutely the right thing going home when her boyfriend showed such disregard for her comfort, with many agreeing that, if anything, she shouldn’t have just left for the night, but left him for good:
“Any boyfriend/girlfriend who cares about their partner’s comfort, would make a decent effort to provide them with a clean bed to sleep on.”
“That this man expects you to sleep on a dirty mattress, with sheets that are dirty and torn, speaks quite plainly as to the level of effort he is willing to go to in order for you to be comfortable; and add to that, he is actively preventing you from making yourself comfortable even though it would cost him nothing more than a few minutes and absolutely no effort from him.”
“Think about that.”
“NTA.”- Candid-Sense-7523
“NTA.”
“And seriously reconsider being in that relationship.”
“It takes absolutely no time at all to change the sheets and the fact he made such a huge deal about it is a major red flag.”- adamhawley
“NTA.”
“He’s 39 and living like this?”
“Run.”- Confident-Ladder425
“You are seriously NTAH and at his age I would dump him as he is flat out nasty and an AH.”
“Then to act like that about the family thing on top says narcissist as well making it out to be your fault.”
“I’ve dumped a girl for being nasty and didn’t think twice about it and I’m not perfect myself.”
“Do the same.”- CaptHook67
“NTA.”
“That is disgusting.”
“Let him stay mad and go date someone clean.”- dryadduinath
“NTA.”
“Poor hygiene is a deal breaker for me.”
“This would be it for me.”- BasicRabbit4
“That’s revolting.”
“NTA.”
“He clearly doesn’t respect you.”
“Clean sheets is the bare minimum, and he threw a dirty mattress cover at you?”
“I don’t know you or your relationship and if you were my friend irl I’d be asking you some serious questions about why you’re with someone who treats you like that.”- princessmalena
“Eeewwww.”
“Lady… you are too old to be entertaining this level of nonsense.”
“Coming from a fellow 40 yo lady.”
“This is something teenaged and college-aged kids do, and even that is not the norm.”
“A 39 yo man acting like that is just Yuckkkk.”
“Heed the very obvious red flag this man is quite literally throwing at you and dump his nasty a**.”
“NTA.”- Strange_Lady
“NTA.”
“But uhhh… he’s a whole a** THIRTY-NINE years old and sleeps on dirty, ripped sheets on a dirty mattress.”
“Nobody’s raggedy son is worth this nonsense.”- Particular_Ring_6321
“I’m just wondering why you’re with this guy?”
“He’s apparently nasty.”
“Wanting a decently clean bed is not ‘being particular’, it’s called being a functional adult.”
“His lack of hygiene and overall nastiness obviously bothers you.”
“This is how he is, he’s NOT changing, and the fact that he wouldn’t even ‘let’ you change his sheets for him is just… something else.”
“NTA.”- CarrottBacon
“Your BF is a complete pig and he’s trying g to deflect.”
“NTA.”- SuperPookypower
“Gross.”
“Why would you let someone who sleeps like that every night rub up against your body?”
“NTA, but gross.”- Next-Wishbone1404
“NTA.”
“EVERYTHING about that would have me ending the relationship ASAP. he’s 39 and sleeps like that.”
“I’ve seen prison cells (on 60 days in) that were WAYYY cleaner then what you described and then how he threw stuff at you.”
“Nope.. NOPE.. NOOOOPPE Bye dirty man.”
“If thats how he keeps the place he sleeps..what does everywhere else look like?”
“What does his fridge look like?”
“Or the toliet/shower?”
“Is he Oscar from Sesame Street?”- Obvious_Huckleberry
“NTA.”
“Especially because you offered ways that the situation could be resolved.”
“I’d consider why he wasnt willing to consider you in that situation.”- Rhetttyornot
“NTA.”
“If you ever move in together know that you would be doing all of the house cleaning and chores.”
“He’s showing who he is.”- Suitable-Park184
“NTA.”
“You are within your rights to refuse to sleep in any bed that makes you uncomfortable.”- Formal-Sky-495
“NTA.”
“But please LEAVE THIS FILTHY MAN.”
“He is 39 and sleeps on a mattress he’s half-covered with a ripped fitted-sheet?”
“On top of that, he does not allow you to make the bed fresh and expect you to sleep in his dingy nest?”
“On top of this, he threw you a filthy mattress cover to use as a blanket when you wanted to sleep on the couch.”
“Lady, there is no D that is that good that I would stick around in his filth.”
“Do you see a future with someone who is filthy like this?”
“Do you see a future with someone who does not want to see his own flaws?”
“Do you see a future with someone who will not consider your very-normal expectations for hygiene and who doesn’t even properly accommodate you sleeping on the sofa?”
“Throw this whole man back!”
“Also, he KNEW you were going to stay the night yet he did not make the bed let alone with fresh sheets?!”
“Imagine if you live with him, the standards will be EVEN LOWER.”- almalauha
“NTA.”
“Your request for clean bedding is completely reasonable, especially considering the state he keeps his bed in.”
“It’s basic hygiene to want a clean place to sleep, and it’s odd that he’d rather argue than spend a few minutes to make his place comfortable for you.”
“Standing your ground on not going back the next day makes sense too you made a long drive back home because of his refusal to maintain basic cleanliness.”
“Maybe he’ll rethink his bedding strategy before the next sleepover.”- liveidddd
“NTA.”
“but gurl if he’s 39 and you have to beg him to be a functional and hygienic human being, you should also check your standards.”- danandhercats
The behavior of the OP’s boyfriend is more reminiscent of a teenager who can’t be bothered than it is of a nearly 40-year-old man.
One can only assume that the OP wasn’t the first person unwilling to sleep in his dirty bed.
And based on his obstinate behavior, one also has little doubt that she will be the last.