Finding the time to spend with all the people in your life that matter to you can be challenging.
There’s the spouse, kids, friends, parents. The list seems to just go on and on.
What happens when you can’t spend one of the most important days with someone you want to spend your whole life with?
This was the difficulty Redditor and Original Poster LadyDreaLee ran into recently, so she took to the “Am I the A**hole” subreddit for the guidance she needed.
“AITA For refusing to get my fiancé a birthday present?”
She started with setting the stage:
“My future MIL (Mother-In-Law) decided that she was going to plan a vacation with ‘her family’ which included her husband (Father-In-Law), my fiancé, and his two sons.”
There seemed to be some pronouns missing…
“My two kids and I were not invited, not even if I paid for myself and my kids.”
“She planned this 5-day vacation during my fiancé’s birthday.”
“So, not only were my kids and I not invited but he won’t even be spending his birthday with us too. He doesn’t like that we aren’t invited but he’s not turning down a free vacation either.”
If it’s free it’s for me…
“Well, what he thought was free.”
“After she invited him and his boys and made all the plans and purchased tickets she told him she’d pay for their accommodations but he had to help pay for everything else.”
That does change things.
“🤣 He barely makes enough money to cover his own bills and his part of our shared bills (mortgage & utilities). Usually, I make up the difference.”
“So he asks if he can get money as a present for his birthday from me and my kids.”
A decision had to be made.
“I told him if he can’t even spend his birthday with us (by going up to the vacation site later) then I wouldn’t be getting him anything from me and the kids.”
You must be present for your present.
“He said that wasn’t fair and I told him it wasn’t fair that we were being excluded from his family vacation.”
“AITAH for not getting him anything for his birthday?”
Unsure of what OP should do, they reached out to Reddit for wisdom.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Concerns were raised about the relationship.
“I would not marry a man who condoned this behavior from his mother. I would not marry a man who is, in effect, telling his sons that your sons are not family. I would not marry this man.”
“Yeah the silence from him is alarmingly loud. Run, OP. NTA”~lotsofcache
Others were more concerned about the future.
“NTA. If y’all are engaged, y’all are family. After you are married, your MIL will treat your kids differently because they aren’t her biological grandkids.”
“Things like birthdays and Christmas will become nightmares.”
“I am not talking about paying for education or other more extravagant gifts, just the everyday living experiences.”
“I am not saying you expect any of this, it is just what will probably happen. This is a huge red flag and your fiance is not making a good decision here.”~Top-Ad-2676
Some gave personal anecdotes.
“This is spot on. My ex’s mother and his father/stepmother treated me and my daughter like sh*t.”
“Like, fawning over his daughter in front of mine (they’re the same age), buying her special gifts when we were out shopping, talking in glowing terms about his ex-fiancée while in my home, and always raving/gushing about his baby mama in front of me.”
“The last Christmas we spent together, his dad/stepmom gave his daughter some great gifts. My daughter and I were given a 6 oz. jar of homemade jelly to share.”
“And this was after 4 Christmases of nothing being sent for me and my daughter.”
“When we visited his dad/stepmom in Alaska – no small trip dragging ourselves all the way up there to meet them! – literally whenever I would start talking both of them would start scrolling on their phones.”
“I’m not even kidding. They never asked about me or my daughter or showed any curiosity.”
“It was honestly bizarre.”
“My ex never stood up for me, always got mad at me for feeling hurt or even saying anything to him in private about any of it.”
“Always defended everyone else but me with all these convoluted explanations/rationalizations.”
“In contrast, my parents called his daughter their ‘second granddaughter,’ everyone else in my family fully embraced ex and his daughter, my parents sent equal/matching gifts to both girls, as well as gifts for my ex, starting our very first Christmas together.”
“The contrast was stark and obvious, and I only mention it because when people are loving and accepting, they behave that way.”
“It’s not rocket science or some complicated puzzle you have to keep trying to solve; it just comes easily and naturally. And when it doesn’t…that is also quite obvious.”
“(I have to add that I sometimes wonder if his family wasn’t trying to deliberately sabotage our relationship. He’s 49 now, never been married, never lived with anyone.”
“I think somehow his family likes him to remain ‘the single one’ for some reason – especially his mother – so they idolized all his exes (they’re no longer threats to his bachelorhood!) and sh*t all over me and my daughter, making us feel very unwanted.”
“He’s an ex for many reasons but that was a big one. Anyhoo).”
“NTA OP. Please listen to the people here who have experienced this. It will not get better.”~HumbleGarb
Others got right to the point.
“Run. Run as fast as you can from this relationship and this family. NTA.”~suzris
Time is an important thing.
You only have so much of it to spend, so you have to make sure to spend it with the people you cherish – and who cherish you.
Otherwise, it’s no vacation.