No two people share the same opinion when it comes to sharing their possessions.
Particularly when it comes to clothes and jewelry.
Some will willingly let friends, or even people they don’t know particularly well, borrow their clothes or jewelry having no concerns as to whether or not they will ever see it again.
Others however, prefer not to loan out certain items, namely those with sentimental value, even briefly.
Redditor JoriJon65756 didn’t feel comfortable letting her fiancé’s niece try on a very important piece of jewlery, and found herself scolded by her soon to be in-laws.
Having second thoughts about her behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
AITA for not letting my fiancé’s niece try my engagement ring?
The OP first shared that her fiancé had a close relationship with one of his nieces, but the niece in question didn’t seem to reciprocate those feelings to the OP.
“I, (F[emale], 36), recently got engaged to my fiancé, (M[ale], 34).”
“He’s in the military and has an extended family.”
“He’s close to his sister and 21 year old niece (his brother-in-law (BIL) is deceased).”
“When I met his niece, she seemed sweet but kept making passive aggressive comments about me.”
“Like, how I look older than my fiancé, how we’re incompatible just due to our star signs or whatever.”
“And when we announced my engagement, she told my fiancé he is moving too fast (we’ve been dating for almost 3 yrs, Long Distance Relationship (LDR)).”
Things between the OP and her fiancé’s niece came to a head at a recent family gathering, where the OP denied a rather unusual request from her fiancé’s niece.
“Yesterday I visited my future in-laws and his sister and niece were there.”
“His niece saw my ring and commented on it saying ‘I bet this is the fanciest one you’ve ever got, just like my uncle!’.”
“I felt offended and thought that was rude but I ignored her because of how my future mother-in-law (MIL) was looking at me.”
“But she (his niece) asked if she could try the ring on.”
“I was taken aback I said no.”
“She asked again but I still said no.”
“Next thing I knew, she got up from her seat and stood in front of me extending her arm expecting me to take the ring off and give it to her.”
“I was like WTF?”
“I said ‘please go back to your seat, I already said no.”
Sister-in-Law (SIL) said it was fine but I said I just didn’t feel comfortable.”
“SIL then looked at me quizzically and was like ‘are you serious??, that’s his niece, just let her try it on!'”
“I said ‘I’m sorry but no’.”
“Niece threw a fit and went upstairs, her mom said I had no reason to act like this and said she didn’t get what my problem is.”
“I took my purse about to leave after she kept berating me for not letting her daughter try the ring.”
“MIL asked me to stay but I insisted on leaving.”
“SIL tried calling me and because I needed time to answer she sent a text saying my behavior was alarming and that she will bring this incident up to her brother when he gets back because she sensed that I’m trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and my fiancé for whatever reason.”
“We haven’t talked after that and I really don’t know what to think of this, I don’t know if I acted poorly but I’ll leave this to you maybe I’m missing something.”
The OP further explained that she’s always had her concerns about her fiancé’s relationship with this niece, largely owing to the niece’s behavior.
“Background for some clarification:”
“My fiancé has 2 sisters and he’s close to this particular sister and her daughter.”
“Her daughter hangs out a lot with him and sometimes refers to him as ‘Kev’.”
“I found that a bit weird but since he’s the youngest uncle (he has 2 older brothers too), then I thought no problem.”
“She follows all his SM accounts and even knows some of his friends, also she drives his car whenever he visits and uses his workout equipment as well.”
“I talked to him about some boundaries but his sister gave me no chance and accused me of putting space between the family and him so I kept my mouth shut.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP had no obligation to let her fiancé’s niece try on her engagement ring, agreeing she was not the OP in this situation.
Many Redditors found this episode was a cautionary tale for the OP, feeling she needed to have a serious conversation with her fiancé, with others wondering if she should even stay with him
“But this is a major moment in your relationship, doubly so due to you having been in a LDR.”
“However your fiancé behaves when told the story is a very strong indicator of what the rest of your interactions with your in laws will be like and how he’ll mediate.”- Slow-Bumblebee-8609.
“NTA- sounds like your fiancé has taken over the father role for his niece and both his sister and niece have very blurred boundaries and a lot of jealousy when it comes to him.”
“This is something you need to have a long talk to your fiancé about as problems will arise in the future when they to test / try to prove that they are still priority.”
“I wish you the very best.”- Moon-lit-rain.
“NTA niece is WEIRDLY possessive of your fiancé, and his family indulges her.”
“Love the part where his sister is going to go tattle to him that you didn’t let her do whatever she wanted.”
“If you’re confident in your fiancé’s relationship with you, you can just brush off these harpies.”
‘She ‘sensed that I’m trying to drive a wedge between her daughter and my fiancé for whatever reason’.”
“Well, yeah, he’s going to MARRY you, and whatever father-figure relationship they have is fine, whatever else going on in her head is NOT FINE and needs to stop.”-Sea-Mud5386.
“What type of 21 year old throws a tantrum?”
“She seems to think your fiancé is going to marry her or something.”-Coco_Dirichlet.
“I expected the niece to be like 10 or 12, which would be a normal question from a quizzical child at that age.”
“It’s very weird that a 20 years old woman demands to try on another woman’s engagement ring.”
“She sounds like she is obsessed with her uncle.”
“I’d stay away from them.”
“Niece is acting like she’s in love with your husband wtf.”
“She’s jealous of his attention towards you.”
“I’d stay away from her and her mom for awhile.”-ObjectiveScheme3204.
“First one to respond that you are definitely NTA so don’t feel bad at all!”
“Your niece is spoiled and expects to get what she wants.”
“No woman should ever let someone else try on her engagement ring.”
“You can say you think it’s bad luck but you don’t need an excuse.”
“Your fiancé should let his mother and sister know that is just not done.”
“If he sides with them, you have a problem.”- Malibucat48.
“She’s 21, not 8, so this type of petulant behavior after being denied something she has no right to have anyway is really just baffling to me.”
“From the context of the first couple sentences I suspect that she doesn’t like you for whatever reason and used this as a convenient excuse to stir the pot.”- halseydota.
“It’s weird AF to demand to try on someone else’s engagement ring, and the niece is well old enough to know ‘no’ is a complete sentence.”
“That the sister is claiming you’re trying to drive a wedge between fiancé and his niece seems out of nowhere, but I’d bet that the niece isn’t the only one on the family with a poor opinion of you (for whatever reason).”- Kaworulives.
While just about everyone agreed that no matter who asks, requesting to try on someone’s engagement ring is bizarre, if not downright rude.
“A grown woman insulted you, then asked to borrow an expensive and/or sentimental item. I’m curious to hear how your fiance handled the resulting hissy fit…-ghostwooman.
“First- who the heck asks to try on someone’s engagement ring?”
“I’ve NEVER heard someone ask that.”
“Second- she’s crossed soooo many lines by the comments she makes about you.”
“You had every right to leave a place you felt unwelcome in!”-Brown-eyed-otter.
The OP later gave an update as to how her fiancé responded to his family’s behavior towards her.
“He tells me to have patience and grace because he’s family is just starting to get to know me.”
“He asked that I give his niece time particularly, but he ignores just how obviously bad her attitude is.”
Even if his family is “just starting to get to know” the OP, it is a bit alarming that he wasn’t worried by the fairly hostile behavior of his niece.
One hopes he. opens his eyes a little more down the road, particularly if he still wants this marriage to happen.