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Bride Demands Sister Dye Purple Hair Brown For Wedding So She Doesn’t Steal Attention

A young woman with purple hair covering her face.
Jenae Escobar/Getty Images

Everyone wants their wedding day to go perfectly.

Even though all soon-to-be brides and grooms are well aware that it’s almost inevitable that one element of their wedding will not go entirely as planned.

While most people take this in stride, knowing that the most important element of their wedding is that they are marrying the love of their life, others will go to rather neurotic measures to make sure their wedding day goes perfectly.

Sometimes resulting in their making questionable demands of their friends and family.

The younger sister of Redditor Ufohntr208 was getting married, and the original poster (OP) had already agreed to take on a slew of duties for her sister’s wedding day.

However, the OP’s sister made one more request to the OP regarding her wedding, this time involving a change in her personal appearance.

A request the OP flatly refused to oblige.

Wondering if they were being unreasonable, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

“AITA for telling my sister I won’t change my hair color for her wedding?”

The OP explained why they were unwilling to fulfill her younger sister’s demand for her upcoming wedding:

“My younger sister (28 F[emale]) is getting married, we just went out of town to watch her wedding dress shop (she did find the dress and say yes 🥰).”

“We went out for drinks after to celebrate, and the conversation of my (33 F) light lilac purple hair came up, I get a lot of compliments when I’m out, and I think she was already a little irritated that every wedding place loved my hair.”

“Anyways she said ‘I plan on asking you to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, but you can’t have purple hair, you’ll need to dye it brown’.”

“My response was, ‘I worked really hard to achieve this color as it’s been my dream hair color for a very long time’, and that I’m not dying it for one day, that it won’t hurt my feelings to not stand up there with her and her million friends, especially considering I’m making her wedding cake and was already planning on finishing the decorations the day of her wedding.”

“I told her I’d have to scramble to finish her cake and get in for hair and makeup, and that I’m happy just sitting it out and making sure her cake is perfect.”

“She snapped back with, ‘you’re my sister and I want you up there, it won’t hurt you to dye it brown for a day, I love your hair but it’s my day and I want all the attention on me not your hair’.”

“I simply responded back with ‘I still stand by my decision to sit this one out’, and she just said ‘well we have a year to discuss it’.”

“There is absolutely nothing to discuss, I’m not dying my hair brown for a wedding, therefore I simply won’t be in my sisters wedding.”

“During our conversation I did make a joke about wearing a wig, and she didn’t find that funny nor seemed keen on my solution.”

“I also mentioned slicking my hair back into a low pretty bun so facing frontwards you wouldn’t really see much of my hair, that also wasn’t a good solution.”

“I did also tell her I would consider lightening my hair to a silver platinum, and that way I could easily have it changed back to my lilac, I know it’s an issue because my mom was defending her stating it’s just hair and I can change to back from brown, not the case obviously, I’m dreading this conversation coming up again.”

“I am a baker (side gig), and I happily offered to make their cake, it’s something I enjoy doing, it’s always been something we talked about was me making her cake!”

“However it’s a very extravagant 4 tier cake that is going to be very flowered up, in my mind, I assumed I wouldn’t be asked to be a part of her wedding party since I told her the morning of her wedding I’ll stack the tiers and get the flowers placed how she wants, and I’d just be in my own little world getting that perfectly together.”

“Never in a million years did I think there’d be an issue with my hair, being in the wedding, and getting the cake together all at once.”

“AITA for not letting everyone’s opinions and guilts make me change my hair for her big day?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to dye her hair for her younger sister’s wedding.

Everyone agreed that the OP’s sister was being incredibly selfish, especially considering the OP was already going to make her wedding cake.


“You actually gave a great reason with the cake and made sure she knew you were okay with not being in the wedding.”

“Unfortunately it looks like you are going to be pressured to change your mind.”

“Hopefully she does not try to get others to pressure you as well.”- hikergirl26


“Yeah, she just wants the perfect pictures, not actually have a celebration with friends and family.”-kuken_i_fittan


“Your sister is much too full of herself.”

“She is fine to have that as a requirement of a bridesmaid but you are also completely entitled to reject it.”

“Her trying to bully and manipulate you is big AH energy.”

“Side question because I don’t know too much about it, but why is the requirement always to dye their hair, isn’t a wig a much less damaging solution?”

“You still don’t need to do that.”

“I just have seen multiple bridezillas demanding people dye their hair and it never made sense to me.”- Ignantsage


“She needs try acting like a decent human being.”

“Either compromise & have you in the wedding or accept you aren’t going to be.”

“Those are her two choices.”- Apart-Ad-6518


“I don’t understand the narcissistic attitude that often plagues even the most humble of women on their wedding day.”

“Heaven forbid someone thinks a bridesmaid’s hair is pretty!”

“Why does this happen?”

“Is it insecurity?”- TopTierUsers

“Your answer should be the exact same a year from now as it was when you said it the first time.”

“‘Sis, I love you, but I am not dying my hair brown for one day’.”

“‘I’ve been clear that I don’t have to be part of the bridal party’.”

“I’ve offered compromises that you’ve dismissed out of hand, expecting that I’ll eventually give in to your unreasonable demand’.”

“‘I won’t be doing it’.”

“‘You’re absolutely right that the attention should be on you, which is why I’m ok not being in the bridal party’.”

“‘Besides, I’ll be finishing up the cake the morning of the wedding and won’t have time to do all the bridesmaid stuff that has to happen that day’.”

“‘I’m happy to help out in other ways before the wedding, but I WILL NOT be part of your bridal party because I WILL NOT be dying my hair’.”

“‘As far as I’m concerned, this topic is closed’.”

“‘Don’t damage our relationship by continuing to try to force me to do what you want’.”

“NTA.”- Next-Drummer-9280

“NTA, you’re a person, not a show prop.”

“Tell her keep it up, and she’ll be looking for a bakery for her wedding cake.”- Winter_Raisin_591

“NTA, I see in a previous reply you already offered compromises.”

“She’s being a bridezilla at this point.”- Sodamyte


“Getting a light lilac would be very difficult, totally fair that you wouldn’t want to dye it brown.”

“If she keeps demanding you could always just get a wig from Amazon (not too expensive and some of them look surprisingly good) then you don’t have to ruin your hair, be a part of her wedding and she can stop complaining.”- Spoopyowo

“You are her sister.”

“Her sister has purple hair.”

“It’s either she wants you to be a bridesmaid and has to accept you as you are, or YOU want to be a bridesmaid and have to accept her rules.”

“She can’t have it both ways.”

“NTA.”- Ingwall-Koldun

“NTA, and I can’t believe she would ask you to ruin a successful lavender dye job.”

“That hard to get right.”- TheLadyEve

It’s almost sad to think that the OP’s sister would even consider the fact that more people will leave her wedding thinking about the OP’s purple hair before they think about her.

Or she doesn’t seem to appreciate the time and effort the OP is putting in behind the scenes for her wedding and chooses instead to make even more demands.

As she herself says, they have a year to think things over.

Maybe during the course of that year the OP’s sister will have a slightly better grasp on what her priorities should be.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.