Cooking dinner for a large group of people poses many challenges.
The time and effort it takes to cook proving to be the least of them.
Far more stressful is choosing a meal you know that everyone will like and everyone will want to eat.
Which is far more challenging than it may seem, considering the countless number of diets, allergies, and aversions people have when it comes to food.
Redditor NoraCupcake took joy in hosting a large, weekly family dinner.
If anything ever diminished that joy, it was that the original poster (OP)’s sister-in-law (SIL) wanted her to cook an entirely separate meal that catered to her dietary requirements.
The work slowly becoming too much for her, the OP suggested an alternative to her brother that she thought would please both her and her SIL.
Unfortunately, her brother’s response was anything but understanding.
Wondering if she was out of line the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not wanting to cook separate vegan meals for my sister-in-law?”
The OP explained why she wasn’t so eager to accommodate her SIL’s dietary restrictions at her family dinners:
“My family has a cherished tradition of Sunday dinners.”
“It’s a special time for us, and I take pride in making meals everyone enjoys.”
“Lately, things have gotten a little complicated since my brother’s wife, Lily, became vegan.”
“She’s a wonderful person, and I respect her dietary choices.”
“I always have vegan sides and sometimes even desserts, but Lily would prefer a separate, complete vegan meal every week.”
“I understand where she’s coming from, but I’m already stretched thin between my job, side projects, and trying to have a life outside of the kitchen.”
“Making an entire second meal feels overwhelming.”
“Last Sunday, I gently asked Lily if she’d be willing to bring a vegan dish to share sometimes.”
“I want her to feel included, but I’m honestly struggling to keep up.”
“My brother was upset, saying I was being unwelcoming.”
“My parents want to keep the peace, but I feel resentful.”
“I want to find a way to make our dinners work for everyone without burning myself out.”
“Am I wrong for wanting to set some boundaries?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to cook a separate vegan dinner for her SIL.
Everyone agreed that the OP was already being extremely generous for cooking a meal for her entire family every week, and it was completely reasonable to ask her SIL to bring her own vegan meal.
“NTA.”
“My children learned very young if you don’t like what we have prepared for dinner have a bowl of cereal or a make a sandwich.”
“I am not preparing two or three meals.”
“You are doing your very best to accommodate your sister in laws new diet.”
“If it’s a family meal everyone should be pitching in making sides and desserts.”
“Tell your brother he’s free to organize and prepare Sunday dinner if he feels you are unwelcoming because you asked for a hand with dinner.”- Peony-Pony
“Sorry, every weekend YOU cook for everybody and now you also have to cook different menu?”
“NTA.”
“She can bring her vegan meal to share with everybody.”- KikiMadeCrazy
“NTA.”
“Why are you hosting every Sunday and why are you the only one doing all the cooking?”
“Please tell me that you get help with clean up?”
“Time to set some new rules for when you host and how often you host.”
“First of all, how often do you want to host these meals?”
“Decide on that.”
“Then I would inform everyone that you are no longer doing all of the cooking.”
“Decide on your main and everyone else can bring sides, desserts, etc. are you guys paying for everything as well?”
“Time to have everyone chip in also.”
“As for the vegan meal, there are a lot that are very good that everyone might enjoy.”
“But other than once a month or so, I would tell SIL, that you are not making a separate complete meal for one person.”
‘She can either host one weekend a month or she can bring something on her own.”- Worth-Season3645
“NTA.”
“It’s A LOT to ask of you.”
“I’m a vegetarian, and I usually bring my own stuff depending on the setting.”
“If it’s a potluck or dinner like this, I’ll prepare my own dish to share.”
“If it’s a barbeque, I’ll bring my own veggie burgers/dogs.”
“I don’t think it’s an unreasonable expectation.”
“I wouldn’t want to put the onus on my friends to cater to my dietary needs.”
“It’s great to be considerate of dietary needs, but everyone has a breaking point (especially if guests start getting demandy-pants).”
“Graciously hosting a get together does not equal a restaurant.”- consolelog_a11y
“NTA.”
“Tell your BROTHER He should bring something.”- NewtoFL2
“NTA.”
“While it’s important to accommodate dietary restrictions and preferences, it’s also essential to maintain a balance and not overburden yourself.”
“Asking her to bring a vegan dish to share sometimes is a reasonable compromise and a fair way to distribute the responsibility.”
“Express your feelings of being stretched thin and explain that you’re not trying to exclude Lily, but rather, you’re seeking a solution that works for everyone.”
“Emphasize that you value the time spent together during Sunday dinners and that you want to find a way to maintain the tradition without burning yourself out.”
“Your brother and parents should be understanding and supportive of your situation.”
“It’s important for everyone to contribute and make compromises to ensure that the family gatherings remain enjoyable and sustainable.”
‘By working together, you can find a solution that respects Lily’s dietary choices while also acknowledging your limitations.”
“You’re not wrong for wanting to set boundaries and find a balance that works for everyone.”-Jaded_Rock2951
“NTA.”
“Is she cooking a whole separate meal for the others when SHE is hosting?”
“Let the others step up, too.”- Excellent-Count4009
“NTA.”
“But don’t get into it with them.”
“Make it easier on yourself and change dinner up to a potluck, dish to pass.”
“This is beyond entitled and rude, even if it is family.”- many_hobbies_gal
“NTA.”
“If she wants to dictate meals, then she needs to host those meals.”- lilies117
“NTA.”
“Stop cooking every week. You are not being appreciated.”
“Instead of saying anything about Lily.”
“Say it’s overwhelming.”
“Tell them if they want to continue tradition it had to rotate among households over everyone has to bring a dish.”
“If they don’t agree, stop hosting.”
“You are doing a lot with no help.”
“People are making requests like they are at a diner.”- Owlvivid420
“NTA.”
“I think I missed where you are the official family cook.”
“Sunday dinners are a special time for your family. Sounds like your brother (also part of the family) should help out with his wife’s needs.”- scrapples000
“NTA.”
“I keep kosher, and my advice to anyone with strict dietary restrictions is always the same: learn to cook.”
“Any place I go, I cannot assume that there will be something I can eat, so I’m sure to eat before, or I bring my own food.”
“In your shoes, I’d offer a vegan meal once a month, but that’s to be nice.”
“I wouldn’t say you’re obligated.”
“If she wants a vegan meal more often than that, let her prep it for everyone in your kitchen.”-Big_Metal2470
“Most vegans I know would jump at the chance to bring their favorite dishes. It’s their time to shine and introduce meat-free dishes to family and friends.”
“Your SIL needs to understand you are already accommodating her with sides, etc.”
“NTA.”- Abject_Individual312
“NTA.”
“Maybe it’s time to alternate hosting duties.”- cassowary32
“NTA.”
“Perhaps it’s time to stop hosting the Sunday meals for a while.”- RoyallyOakie
“NTA.”
‘That is ridiculous.”
“OP, please cook me an entire separate vegan meal. Plus, it’s unwelcoming for you to ask me to bring a vegan dish.”
“How is that reasonable?”
“I’d put up a clear boundary and say that while I will continue to supply vegan sides, you or anyone else in the family are welcome to bring other vegan dishes.”
“And not engage in the conversations anymore.”
“This world is becoming so entitled it’s crazy.”- Ok-Context1168
Unless it’s a potluck, it is somewhat unusual to invite people over for dinner and then ask them to bring food.
That being said, when someone like the OP cooks for the family week after week, it seems only fair that the one person who has strict dietary restrictions can bring something she knows she’ll be able to eat.
If the OP’s brother thinks that request is so unreasonable, perhaps he should do as others have suggested and host the weekly Sunday dinners himself, giving the OP a break from cooking.