It’s totally up to each individual couple what they want from their relationship and how they will express their love.
But when something about their relationship changes, they should be able to communicate about it, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor justaino was stressed about the possibility of his relationship with his girlfriend changing, but his feelings were magnified when she refused to face the conversation.
When she accused him of being overly cautious, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he was being too insistent about talking with her.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for wanting my girlfriend to take a pregnancy test?”
The OP wondered if his girlfriend was pregnant.
“I (24 Male) and my girlfriend (22 Female) have been together for just over 2 years now.”
“She said to me that she hadn’t seen her period in a while now and at this point, she’s over a month late. She said she just felt fatigued and sick in the mornings.”
“Immediately, my mind wondered if she could be pregnant as we had unprotected sex about a month ago, and even though I did pull out, I very well know that it isn’t at all an efficient way of preventing pregnancy.”
“My anxiety levels went through the roof and I asked her to please consider taking a pregnancy test at least just to confirm that she isn’t.”
His girlfriend argued with him about having to get a test.
“She said she wouldn’t want to because she knows her body and she doesn’t think she’s pregnant.”
“I understand her knowing about her body and all, but there’s still a possibility that she could be pregnant and she’d have no idea. The only way to actually know would be through a test.”
“The reason I’d want a test was just so we can get the necessary things done if she decided to keep the baby just in case it’s positive.”
“And if it’s not, then that’s good, because neither of us is really ready for a kid right now.”
“She said she’ll take the test but only because I wanted her to, and she also added that she doesn’t have the money for a pregnancy test.”
“I said I understand she knows her body well, and if she does decide to take the pregnancy test, then I can send over the money for it, no problem.”
The girlfriend finally took a test.
“Cut to two days ago, she actually takes the test and it’s negative, all good, so I don’t ask her about a second pregnancy test, or anything because I felt her telling me once that she wasn’t was more than enough.”
“Now she’s so mad at me because I ‘pressured’ her into taking the test because I’m always so cautious and even too cautious because I wanted her to take a pregnancy test.”
The girlfriend also didn’t want to talk about the possibilities of being a parent.
“She also refers to the fact that I ask what we would do in the case of an unexpected pregnancy.”
“But I asked this because sometimes she does not want us to make use of a condom and wants us going at it without protection.”
“She isn’t on birth control either, so naturally, I want to know what to expect in case we find ourselves in this situation, but she never wants to talk about it, calling me an overly cautious person.”
“AITA for wanting my girlfriend to take a pregnancy test after she was a month late and also for wanting us to talk about what happens if we were to have an unplanned pregnancy over the course of our relationship?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were immediately concerned about the girlfriend not affording the pregnancy test.
“If she can’t afford a pregnancy test, how does she expect to be able to afford a baby?” – Specialist-Leek-6927
“NTA. Pregnancy tests can be obtained at a variety of stores in the US for $2 or less including taxes.”
“If she can’t afford an extra $2 on a pregnancy test (and no shame if she can’t), then she absolutely cannot afford to be so lax on birth control as she can’t afford an abortion or a child either.”
“I suggest you take full responsibility for your reproductive risks and use a condom every time you have vaginal penetrative sex. Decrease your risk of an unexpected pregnancy as much as you can.” – HotWifeJ2021
“She can’t even afford a pregnancy test, and yet they are taking real risks and likely to get pregnant. Can OP afford to support her and a baby at 24? Good lord…”
“NTA for asking, but definitely TA for casually risking bringing a life into this world with so little regard for the consequences.” – YouKnowYourCrazy
“Everybody has mentioned it, but how the f**k can you not afford a pregnancy test? The cheap ones are like $8 or less. That level of poverty is ridiculous to risk pregnancy or even refuse to discuss it.”
“This would be a hill I would die on if I were OP.”
“Though considering how she’s avoided the subject, I’m not sure I could trust her if she is suddenly ready to talk and came to an agreement.” – letstrythisagain30
Others focused on the importance of taking proper preventative measures.
“Do you want to be responsible for them both? What if this happens again and you find out before other alternatives are available? Your stakes are the rest of your living time, or at least the next 20 years. Use a condom.” – _garlic_
“If she doesn’t feel comfortable using a condom, there are other methods of preventing pregnancy that are effective.”
“Obviously, it’s her body and her choice, since the majority of contraceptives are the burdens of females, but she needs to make a choice and not an ‘accident.'”
“OP has a choice when it comes to engaging in sex with their partner. He needs to take responsibility for himself so that pregnancy scares don’t happen.”
“As a female, you are entitled to choosing your method of contraceptive, but if she doesn’t want to choose one and still expects to not get pregnant, then she needs some sex education.” – KimonoMom
“OP, do not consent to unprotected sex if you do not want a child.”
“I would also not consent to sex in general with someone who wants to play hot and loose with pregnancy.” – otakuchips
“IMO (in my opinion), if someone is so adamant on not using condoms and hasn’t considered birth control, they are taking on a huge risk if they don’t want to get pregnant.”
“I know there are people out there who cannot use certain birth control methods because of medical reasons so that’s also something to consider.”
“However, I definitely agree it’s not normal for someone who wants to prevent pregnancy to do absolutely nothing to prevent it.” – InfiniteCalendar1
“I find the language OP used truly concerning, however. Is a baby REALLY an ‘unexpected’ result of unprotected sex or is it nature’s preferred outcome as a result of millions of years of biological evolution?”
“I’m all for banging, however, let’s all do our best to not have oopsie babies by doing the thing that makes babies and acting surprised when we get babies.”
“OP, in my experience, the kinds of women that prefer to have unprotected sex and refuse to figure out birth control are either trying to have a baby with the intention of calling it an accident or they’re really dumb.”
“Both end up with babies they aren’t ready for. Neither make good partners. Run.”
“The exception being lack of sex education, however, I doubt someone that feels so strongly that she knows her body would be interested in discussing birth control with her partner.” – one_sad_tomato
Some also questioned the girlfriend’s behavior.
“The GF is being kind of unreasonable.”
“If she doesn’t want to use birth control, that’s fine, but she also doesn’t want to use condoms, and she refuses to discuss what their plan would be if she does get pregnant. Sketchy as f**k.” – Reasonable_Minute_42
“Did he even actually see this negative pregnancy test or did he just take her word for it?”
“Based on her response about what if I was, it seriously sounds like she might have actually been trying to get pregnant. Being a month late is excessive.” – Lexifer31
“Some women do not know they are pregnant until it pops out! She’s being negligent, early intervention is key in whether she keeps it or not. Prenatal is important, earlier the better.” – Alive-Replacement-27
“Am I the only one getting ‘she’s trying to get pregnant’ vibes?”
“No birth control, encouraging unprotected sex, floating the ‘I’m late’ info to see the reaction, then getting defensive when it wasn’t wholly positive (‘I’m not pregnant, I know my body’ – what kind of horse manure is that!), not wanting to take a test (you can get them at the dollar store) possibly delaying things until birth is the only option…”
“Maybe y’all have made me (more) cynical, but I just wonder.” – SwimmingOk8500
The subReddit understood the OP’s concerns, but they questioned the precautions he was taking if he was really worried about having a child.
For being a “cautious” person, he was questionable at best at his prevention of pregnancy, and his girlfriend’s unwillingness to discuss any of these important subjects was alarming at best.