Most people find that friendships are a gradual progression that takes time to develop and should never be forced.
And while there are people whose relationships with people don’t progress beyond being acquaintances, that is okay.
Or so you would think.
Redditor Sea-Campaign6735 is a 35-year-old woman who just moved with her 36-year-old husband and their ten-year-old son to a new house and is dealing with the drama of adjusting to a new neighborhood.
She visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA For finally snapping at my neighbor who wanted to be best friends”
The OP wrote:
“Me my husband and our son moved into a new house 3 months ago. We have an old dog and a cat.”
“The day we moved in our neighbors came over. We’ll say Karen (30’s) and Ken (30’s). This aggravated me as we are in the middle of unloading stuff, organizing our house etc. and Karen wants to play 20 questions.”
“She declares we are going to be best friends like the previous owners. Apparently, Karen and Jill both grew up in these houses and were BFF’s their whole lives. When they got married their parents gifted them the houses, and moved away.”
“6mths ago Jilll’s husband got a promotion out of state. We bought the house and Karen thinks we need continue the BFF tradition. They have 2 kids 11f, 5m. Karen wants the kids to play.”
“The daughter is SUPER girly and wants to do dress up, tea parties, and hates gaming. The son is young, likes paw patrol, and isn’t allowed to play video games.”
“My son has no interest in playing with them. Karen tried pushing me into making him take part in their interests, but I told her they aren’t compatible.”
“Then Karen wanted our dogs to play. Well, Karen’s dog is really energetic. Our old guy is a lazy curmudgeon that wants no part of that. I tell her no. Then she asks me to let our cat outside so it can come over to her house and bond with her family.”
“I tell her no she isn’t an outside cat. So she wants us to get mani pedis, get matching highlights, and go shopping. I HATE mani pedis. I dye my own hair wild colors and I buy my stuff online. She also wants our husbands to be BFF but they are also very opposite.”
“These are all legit reasons. The thing is, I just have no interest in being friends. First, I’m an introverted homebody so I’m happy being all lone wolf over here. Second, Karen is a gossipy, mean spirited Christian conservative. We aren’t.”
“She is free to do and believe whatever she wants but our houses are just NOT going to mesh even if I wanted them to.”
“Last week she stopped me and asked if we would go to church with them. I just said I didn’t know we’ve been busy. Well she gets pissy and says I’m making this difficult for her and being rude. We are supposed to be BFF’s and I’m not working with her or being open enough. We haven’t spent any time together and we really need to so we can discuss WHEN WE CAN VACATION TOGETHER.”
“So I said ‘Karen we are not going to vacation together. We aren’t having play dates with the kids, animals, or husbands. None of us are compatible and I’m not interested in being your stand in BFF.’”
“She blew up. Screaming and crying. It wasn’t fair to not continuing the tradition. I just let her get it out. Before turning around to leave I said ‘oh by the way we’re atheists.’ She screamed and ran inside.”
“My husband says I’m in the right, and they’re crazy. My parents think I could’ve handled it better and the last part wasn’t needed. Most of our friends think it’s hilarious but 2 think she was being nice and I was out of line (they’re Christian so that might be at play).”
The OP updated the post with:
“I was at the character limit so let me just clarify some things. I know this is crazy pants but I’m being honest here. I was confused and shocked by the whole thing myself.”
“I’ve never encountered this before and my friends found it funny because it so out there and told me to post it. Karen seemed really entrenched with maintaining the BFF status quo with her neighbors.”
“She has other friends as she has mentioned to me and I’ve seen come over, but it seemed she wanted me to fill the role Jill left behind. I tried being as kind and vague as I could be until it was too much.”
“I wondered what outsiders would think. Oh and the only reason I mentioned the friends differing opinion because they were Christian is because they told me that’s why they felt different. Thanks guys!”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“Oh wow. She sounds pretty….crazy, right? NTA. It’s totally unfortunate that you had to end up having such a firm convo with her, but I don’t think you’d have got through to her in any other way.”
“It’s really odd behaviour on her part to want to be BFFs just bc you’re living in that house. Very full on. I’m pretty sure it’ll calm down with her and she’ll get over it. Best to keep her at arm’s length 😬” – weegmack
“NTA. You are welcome to have healthy boundaries. And one of those boundaries is to not invite crazy into your life. She needs to get over herself.” – TibbleTabbs1114
“NTA. People get oddly fixed carrying on “traditions” that they’ve had with previous neighbors. I don’t get it.”
“She sounds like crazy, and you sound like you’ve been dealing with it well.” – diadadesantjordi
“NTA. You were not out of line. She wasn’t taking any cues from you and wasn’t making an honest attempt to know you. Instead she was jamming her idea of neighborliness down your throat.”
“I think you needed to say what you did so your message could be heard loud and clear. I feel a little bad for her though, she’s really missing her friend. Hopefully she’ll find a new BFF at church.” – noccie
“NTA. All those ways she tried to force herself on you. Clearly she’s not capable of reading the room at even a kindergarten level.” – Leota13
“NTA it sounds like you were firm with your no’s, but not unkind. She didn’t listen, so you needed to hit her over the head with reality.” – randomalas
Meanwhile, one Redditor alluded to cracking the case about the previous occupant.
“Now we know why Jill moved. NTA” – swimminglaura2005
Overall, Redditors sided with the OP and found the neighbor’s persistence for wanting to be BFFs was very concerning.