Many aspiring parents begin dreaming of what they will name their first child well before they meet their future partner or co-parent.
As a result, it can be a rude awakening when your spouse or partner doesn’t love any name on your shortlist.
While most parents manage to eventually decide on a name that pleases them both in a diplomatic fashion, it can be a prolonged battle for others.
Redditor Aaronsaway and their wife were not seeing eye to eye on what to name their first child.
While the original poster (OP) erred on the more traditional side, their spouse wanted to be a little more inventive.
One specific possible name, however, truly sent the OP over the edge, resulting in their wife calling them a bully.
Reflecting on their behavior, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for being rude and dismissive about all of my wife’s baby name ideas?”
The OP explained how their reaction to one of their wife’s suggested names for their child ended up putting the two of them at odds.
“My wife and I are expecting our first child in the coming months, and we have chosen not to find out the sex until the baby is born.”
“Things are starting to feel very real now, so we’ve started to properly discuss names, but we’ve realized we both have vastly different tastes in name style, and we are having a hard time finding the right one.”
“My wife likes names that are out there and unique, but I find these names tacky and silly and would prefer a better-known, more traditional name.”
“Last night, she showed me a short list she had put together and thought I might like.”
“The names on the list were:”
“Girl: Fern, Fennix, Rhodes, Faun, Brixtyn, and Kinley”
“Boy: Spark, Diesel, Quincy, Phoenix, Buck, and Fox.”
“These names are tamer than what she’s suggested before, but I told her they didn’t feel right.”
“I suggested ideas like Rose instead of Rhodes, Felix instead of Phoenix, and Buchanan instead of Buck.”
“I finally snapped when she suggested Zoomer.”
“I asked if she was serious and said it was a stupid name.”
“She asked what my problem was and why I was so dismissive of all her ideas and shooting down all the names she likes.”
“I told her we were naming a child and not a dog, and that names can have a huge impact on the child.”
“I said I don’t want my child to be bullied or taken less seriously because they have a ridiculous name.”
“She told me I was rude and that I was the bully for making her feel unsupported.”
“She started crying and went to bed.”
“I decided to give her some time and space, so waited till she was sleeping to go to bed.”
“I feel bad about coming at her the way I did, but I also feel it needed to be said.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was mostly in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for shooting down “Zoomer” as a name.
Nearly everyone agreed that the OP was only thinking in the best interests of their child and had every right to shoot down their wife’s suggestion, even if some felt that they could have handled it a bit more diplomatically.
“The best piece of advice on baby naming that I remember from one of the parenting books was, ‘If you can’t imagine yourself shouting this name across a crowded playground, do not give it to your child’.”
“Best of luck.”
“Damn those names are Tragedeigh.”
“I hope you find a nice compromise that the child would also possibly like.”- Purjevene
“So many people naming their kids like a 9-year-old naming a goldfish or a valley girl naming a pocket dog.”
“Unfortunately, it indicates that the parent considering these names does not see the child as a person, but a thing, an amusing accessory to show all her fans how cool she is.”
“This is the first of many battles for the identity and autonomy of your child.”- AdOne8433
“My suggestion as someone who banned my husband from coming up with names.”
“He thinks he’s funny and came up with things like Velociraptor and Cletus the Fetus – thanks Simpson’s!!”
“Write a list together. Make it as long as you can.”
“Each cross out names you can’t abide – more names on the list helps if you both veto a lot.”
“Choose from the leftovers.”- TigerSimilar6305
“NTA in general, but this is tricky territory, and when you treat her badly, you slip straight into AH territory.”
“You are definitely looking out for your child here, and your wife isn’t thinking about the bullying these ‘unique’ names will bring your child.”
“When my husband and I were playing the ‘name game’, part of the rules was to also think of what kind of taunts those names could turn into.”
“Buck is an easy one to dismiss because it’s one letter off from ‘f*ck’.”
“‘F*cky Bucky’, doesn’t that sound like a great nickname?”
“I think you’ll find the perfect name but give her suggestions serious consideration like you expect her to give yours, then you can both play the name game and see how many awful nicknames might come out of them.”
“At least you’ll be prepared, and perhaps your wife will think a little bit more about what your child might have to endure depending on the name you both choose.”- IamIrene
“Don’t let your child become a tragedeigh!”- qtcyclone
“I definitely feel like you should discuss names you like and consider a more unique middle name, but ultimately this IS a person, not a pet.”
“Lots of these names are more appropriate for pets.”
“Your wife needs to be a bit more grounded in her selections.”
“Fern isn’t bad.”
“Quincy isn’t terrible either.”
“But please don’t name your kid Zoomer.”- Willing-Helicopter26
“Fern and Quincy aren’t particularly unusual or unique.”
“But the others…Brixtyn?”
“NTA for not liking the names but YTA for how you handled the conversation with your wife.”-Careless-Ability-748
“My wife and I couldn’t agree on a name for our daughter, so we bought a huge book of baby names and a six-pack of sharpies.”
“Both of us got full veto power, and we each went to the book and crossed of thousands of names.”
“We were left with a dozen we both liked, and there was no confrontation.”
“Also NTA, anyone who wants to name their kid Zoomer needs to be stopped at any cost.”-Outrageous_Effect_24
“NTA is your wife 16 years old?”
“These poor kids.”
“What is cute on a baby is not necessarily cute on a 30-year-old.”- alien_overlord_1001
“It needed to be said.”
“As long as it wasn’t more over the top than this post implies, I think you’re good.”
“But now that she knows, don’t harp on it too much – just veto ones you hate and try and find a great name in between traditional & unique.”
“One of my favorites is Finley, or Finn!”
“Since I see a lot of F/Ph names, I thought I’d throw it out.”
“Close to her suggestions but more traditional.”
“Or maybe find names that mean fox, or mean phoenix, etc.”
“I bet you’ll be able to find names close to her ideas that are more middle-of-the-road.”- losalbion
Some, however, didn’t see anything wrong with most of the OP’s wife’s chosen names, even if they still agreed the OP had a right to veto.
“Fern for a girl is fine, so is Quincy or Buck for a boy.”
“Plenty of precedents for all three.”
“The rest are ludicrous, but you only need one.”
“Buchanan is Scottish but is never used as a forename in Scotland. “
“Most people would think of the shopping street and railway station in Glasgow.”- DaglarBizimdir
While a few felt that the OP was in no position to criticize their wife’s selection owing to one particular suggestion of their own.
“ESH, but only because you suggested she change Buck to Buchanan.”- CoppertoneTelephone
“I don’t think someone suggesting Buchanan has any room to talk about sh*tty baby names.”
The OP later returned with an update, sharing how both of them had a chance to explain their frustrations and the solution they both came to.
“When she got back, I explained my concerns and apologized for how I reacted previously.”
“She explained that she has a very common name, and there were always multiples in school, and she doesn’t want that for our child.”
“I very rarely experienced this, so can’t really comment on how it feels.”
“We’ve decided to look into the app everyone is talking about and to explore our family tree to see if there are any names we both like.”
“Thank you all for your suggestions!”
Every parent wants their child to stand out and be unique.
Even so, there is a way to do that without subjecting them to endless ridicule.
Hopefully, the OP and their wife will both find a name in their family trees that excites them both.