Redditor notsurprisedsis23498 has a sister who is a single mother with three kids.
In a recent conversation with her mother about her sister’s single status, the discussion went haywire.
In the heat of the moment, the Original Poster (OP) revealed information that caused drama with her sister, which led her to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, where she asked:
“AITA for saying I am not surprised my sister is single/has trouble finding a ‘good man?'”
The OP explained:
“Don’t get me wrong, her list of ‘must haves’ in a partner aren’t all outrageous or anything, they are:”
“Must have a good stable job No kids A degree No drugs Not alcoholic Can pull his own weight financially speaking in the relationship Ether owns or is working towards owning a house.”
“Not unusual stuff, the thing is… She cannot bring very many of those to the table herself. She has a degree in Greek literature, and isn’t an alcoholic. She has 3 kids, which is why her demand for a man without kids strikes me as a ‘what the f’k.”
“Lives with mom. Working as the front desk lady while working on a book. Loves weed brownies. She does not have a min/max age requirement, she is 32 I don’t think it matters but I have a feeling someone would ask if I didnt mention it.”
“Now its not like I said it to her face, I was talking to mom on the phone. I guess sis has been getting more and more upset about dating prospects, and doesn’t understand why its so hard.”
“Never mind the pandemic going on making it harder for everyone single to date right now. Mom was going on about how she(mom) doesn’t understand how ‘such a good gal like [sister’s name] is still single and having these problems. Even you have a boyfriend and you’re even more of a shut in than I am.'”
“That rubbed me the wrong way, and frankly I was sick of mom spending almost every call with me talking about my big sister instead of acting like she cares about whats going in my life. So I laid it out.”
“I told mom that sis being single didn’t surprise me a single bit. She has demands that seem reasonable but cannot meet many of them herself, why would she expect someone that meets her list to choose her when she can’t meet her own standards, over someone that they are more of a life style match with.”
“I used ‘spicier’ language than that but thats basically it.”
“a few hours later I got a text from my sister saying ‘thanks for being honest about how you really feel, c*nt.’ Haven’t heard from ether of them since. And im not sure where to go from here…”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Some of the comments reflected the OP being innocent at first.
“NTA. You were honest, and you were also right. Half of finding someone is about what you are looking for in a person, and the other half is whether you are the person that the other person is looking for.”
“There’s nothing really wrong in what she is looking for, the degree is the only thing that jumps out at me as a bit of an odd request. The state of the world does make it harder than it was to meet people, and a lot of people aren’t looking now who would have been pre-pandemic.”
“But it does sound like she needs a bit of a reality check, and if what she is looking for in a partner seems reasonable, then some self reflection and improvement might be good for her to deal with that half of the equation.” – RusevDayToday
“NTA – Sometimes the truth can be hard to hear. Thirties, three kids, shit job and lots of student debt. Not sure what she can offer to offset that.”
“I am not saying that she is a horrible person, but if I am a guy in my 30s looking to start a family, why would I go down that path.”
“Its like someone selling a 20 year old Lexus with 250k miles for 20 grand, sure they can offer it for that, but no one is obligated to buy it.”
“As for your mom, she seems to give your sister the golden child treatment. She is not invested in you and you told her the truth. Which she ran back to your sister and told her about. That’s kinda sh**ty.”
“I would bet over the years she has done nothing to help reset your daughters expectations, its just one gigantic delusional echo chamber.”
“I would let them stew and digest it. They will eventually call you back.” – Jsm1370
But a handful saw the mom’s actions as unfavorable.
“Defending yourself by attacking a third party is usually AH behaviour. That said OP’s mom is clearly the biggest AH here.” – Snowscoran
“Mom is absolutely the a**hole here. She baited op, op reacted and said things about her sister in the heat of the moment and instead of Mom listening to op and understanding where she’s coming from, Mom didn’t like what she heard so she told her other daughter, knowing the other daughter would back her up and give op sh*t.”
“Mom is not only ruining her relationship with op, she is driving a wedge between her children for selfish reasons.” – PaddyCow
“ESH. All these NTA verdicts are completely disregarding the fact your sister didn’t come to you with this. All you had to do was say nothing.”
“You talked sh*t behind your sister’s back, and then your mom told her. Why are you shocked that she’s rightfully pissed at you?” – aurumphallus
Seeing everyone in the situation guilty in some way, many Redditors called ESH (everyone sucks here).
“Probably ESH – you conveniently left out your spicier language.”
“This sounds like typical family bickering, competition, and infighting, and the fact that your mother is involved the way she is (‘even you have a boyfriend’), indicates that all members of your family might suck.”
“You’re entitled to defend yourself, but don’t try and whitewash your role in the situation.” – finchdad
“ESH. I don’t think her standards are actually unreasonable- if I had three kids, I’d probably prefer to find a man without children so my kids could avoid stepsiblings/I also would definitely not ever want more than 3 kids in one household.”
“Your mum sucks for ratting on you (I assume that’s how your sister heard).– Embarrassed-Bridge-8
“ESH, but your mom is the biggest AH. What good did she expect to come by telling the sister this?! You are slightly the AH for being judgy, don’t degrade your sister’s job as if it’s unimportant. Man, your mom sucks though.” – keanenottheband
“ESH – I think? Not sure why your mother felt the need to share your thoughts with your sister, your sister is a bit hypocritical to demand so many things from a partner that she can’t fulfill herself, and as for you, hard to tell how ‘spicy’ the language was but it was probably a lot worse than needed if your sister responded by calling you a c*nt.”
“Just a bunch of weird family bickering going on here.” – Not_a_bard
“ESH. Your sister has unrealistic expectations and frankly should be focusing her time and energy on accomplishing some of the things she wants out of life instead of waiting for a man to come provide it for her. Why can’t she work towards buying her own house?”
“Your mom shouldn’t have told your sister what you said behind your back and if you know she’s like that, you should have known better than to use spicy language and talk sh*t about your sisters situation.” – figstea123
Overall, Redditors chose ESH for their judgment.
Hopefully, the two siblings will smooth things out and end the silent treatment.