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Woman Stunned After Girlfriend Refuses To Babysit Neighbor’s Kid During Medical Emergency

Mother and toddler son playing with dinosaurs toys at home on the couch.

Learning to have healthy boundaries is a life lesson far too many people learn fat too late.

There is so much toxicity in the world, and the sooner people can identify and block it, the better off many people will be.

But some boundaries may seem harsh.

So harsh it leads others to question if it’s a boundary or just bad behavior.

Redditor throwRAflatissues wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for refusing to help rekindle my girlfriend’s friendship with our neighbor after she refused to help her in an emergency?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My (25 F[emale]) G[irl]F[riend] (26 F-Lotta) has always been on the more quiet and reserved side but also incredibly kind and conscientious of other people.”

“She also doesn’t let others walk all over her and knows how to set (and stick to) boundaries, which is one of the reasons I was attracted to her.”

“But a few weeks ago, I think she was too ruthless.”

“A few weeks ago, our upstairs neighbor (who Lotta and I are close with) showed up at our door sobbing and begging Lotta to babysit her 5-year-old for an hour because her one-month-old was having trouble breathing and had stopped breathing at one point and needed to go to the hospital ASAP.”

“The neighbor explained her mother was on the way as they spoke but she had no one else to take care of her other son.”

“She also offered to pay Lotta.”

“I was at work at the time.”

“Lotta said no.”

“She said she was busy and couldn’t do it.”

“The neighbor ended up taking both kids to the hospital.”

“I found out about this incident when I got home from work, and Lotta told me.”

“I was genuinely surprised to hear she said no which seemed to annoy Lotta.”

“It’s been 3 weeks since that event, and our neighbor has been quiet and cold to Lotta, and this really bothers her.”

“She says she was just setting boundaries and that our neighbor was entitled and snobby for being upset that Lotta said no.”

“I explained I felt differently and am more on our neighbor’s side as…”

“1) She has never asked us for any favors in the three years we’ve known her and…”

“2) This was a medical emergency- not her wanting to go clubbing with her friends.”

“I told Lotta that she didn’t teach our neighbor a lesson. She only added stress she didn’t need.”

“This really upset Lotta because she thought I would be on her side.”

“She then asked me to talk to our neighbor to try and rekindle their friendship.”

“I said I can’t do that for her, she needs to apologize herself and put in the work.”

“Lotta stormed off and now keeps saying I’m being a huge a**hole for not siding with her and helping her with our neighbor who is ‘her friend.'”

“To be clear…”

“Lotta was ‘busy’ cooking dinner and catching up on a show of hers.”

“She wasn’t working or doing anything that would be dangerous for kids to be around.”

The OP was left to wonder:


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.


“This was a medical emergency- not her wanting to go clubbing with her friends. I told Lotta that she didn’t teach our neighbor a lesson,, she only added stress she didn’t need.”

“That’s it right there.”

“This is SO horrible to do to someone.”

“Because Lotta was ‘busy,’ that poor 5-year-old was exposed to further trauma by having to go to the hospital and potentially witness their baby sibling being poked and prodded and probably have tubes shoved down their throat.”

“I really hope Lotta doesn’t want children of her own.”

“Or maybe I do because then she will realize what a total AH she was to this poor woman.” ~ linzerdsnort6

“Agreed. This would be an instant deal breaker.”

“I can’t think of many things I wouldn’t drop right then to watch the kid.”

“Food can be reheated.”

“Shows can be paused.”

“Work can have a break.”

“I would LOVE to know what she was so busy with that she couldn’t stop for an hour.”

“This was a major emergency, and OP’s girlfriend showed how dark her heart is.”

“How could you ever trust someone again after finding that out?”

“This person was supposedly a friend to her, and she treated her like the sh*t on the bottom of her shoe during a terrifying moment of crisis for her.”

“If she treats friends like that, I can’t imagine she would be a good partner because she’s clearly not a good person.” ~ JustAsICanBeSoCruel

“If my neighbor said her baby wasn’t breathing could I please watch the other kid… yeah. Like, no.”

“You are not obligated to help, but why would you not?! “

“To cook and watch TV.”

“This panicked woman’s BABY ISN’T BREATHING!”

“NTA. Jeez.” ~ Thedivinedivine

“What’s bulls**t is OP’s S[ignificant] O[ther]’s use of the word boundary.”

“So many people (at least on Reddit) conflate boundaries and being a straight-up jacka**.”

“It’s bulls**t and OP is NTA but her girlfriend is definitely one.”

“This was a terribly lame a** excuse to not help and this was a literal EMERGENCY!”

“OP- You saw your SO for who she really is. Believe her.”

“Then dump her.” ~ Sportylady09

“Neighbor is now setting a boundary (don’t trust GF) and now so is OP (she won’t help with this) and now GF is all shocked?”

“Pleasseee. GF needs some reflection ASAP.”

“OP is NTA.” ~ Sorcereens

“I’m not a ‘kids’ person.”

“My husband and I are child-free; our home is definitely child-unsafe.”

“We’ve got cleaning chemicals in easy reach, a lot of small, breakable items in easy reach, a bunch of insecure shelving, and other things that could hurt a small child.”

“But you bet your a** if one of our neighbors came up in a panic and asked if we could babysit their little one for an hour or two while they took their baby to the hospital.”

“I’d welcome the little munchkin in and find a way to corral them in the safest room with a bunch of toys and keep an eye on them.”

“Or I’d ask if the parent would be comfortable with me coming to their place to watch the kiddo in their house.”

“Trying to navigate the hospital system with your ill child is hard enough, let alone trying to do so while keeping your non-ill child in hand and entertained/taken care of.”

“OP is definitely NTA and Lotta definitely is the AH.” ~ InquisitorVawn

“I’m pretty sure ‘Lotta’ posted her side of this story not too long ago wanting to know if she was an a**hole for setting ‘boundaries’ by refusing to help when the neighbor’s baby was having a medical emergency.”

“She got roasted in the comments and kept trying to justify herself.”

“Either this is a remarkable coincidence or ‘Lotta’s’ boyfriend is a little late to the party.”

“He’s got an a**hole on his hands, and he wants to know if he should clean up her a**holery.”

“Let her clean up her own mess.”

“But OP needs to look closely at her total lack of empathy.” ~ 5footfilly

“Lotta was a total A**hole.”

“There’s a time and a place for setting and enforcing boundaries (though it doesn’t sound like she needed to with this person) and it’s not during a damn medical emergency where a child isn’t breathing.”

“Honestly, this would change my view of my partner significantly and I’m not sure I could recover from something like that viewpoint of them either.”

“She was willing to risk a child’s life to set a boundary there was no need to set.”

“I say this because you specifically mention that she doesn’t ever bother you guys for much.”

“Lotta needs to do a lot of soul searching cause what in the actual f**k.”

“As your neighbor, I would never bother with you guys again, ever.” ~ amandarae1023

“NTA – Good for you for recognizing that it wasn’t your job to mend the fences that Lotta broke.”

“She might be good and kind in most instances, but in this case she doesn’t know how to admit that she was wrong and apologize to the right person.”

“Sounds like she’s mad at everyone but herself.”

“I’m also on the neighbor’s side.”

“This was a small test of friendship for Lotta, and she failed it.”

“She didn’t want to be inconvenienced, which is fine.”

“But now your neighbor doesn’t want to be inconvenienced by befriending Lotta.” ~ BeeJackson

“Wow. Your GF is cold.”

“Sure, she didn’t have to sit for your neighbor.”

“But your neighbor has now seen that she is a cruel person who cares more about boundaries than helping out a friend in an emergency.”

“Her friendship is gone.”

“She cared more about whatever she was doing at the time than helping out a mother whose child stopped breathing.”

“She was even going to pay her!”

“Honestly, I wouldn’t lift a finger to help her repair her situation.”

‘She can be cruel to people, but then she has to live with the outcome.” ~ NotCreativeAtAll16

“NTA. She denies help to a woman whose baby couldn’t breathe and now wants you to make the woman be friends with her again.”

“Your GF is a sociopath.”

“The friend is NEVER going to forgive her, trust her, or like her ever again because she was, checks notes too busy to help when her baby was in danger of actually dying.”

“Yeah, that friendship is toast, and maybe make sure your GF is not your emergency contact.” ~ NinjaHidingintheOpen

“NTA. Obligatory, of course, no one owes anyone else babysitting, but how completely stone-cold heartless can you be with a lady who thinks her baby might be dying and has to go to the ER?”

“I would be reconsidering my relationship just based on a lack of empathy on your girlfriend’s part – that’s just not the kind of person I would want to be with.”

“Plus her wanting to foist off on you the work of repairing her ‘setting boundaries.'” ~ antizana

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

Having boundaries is a very good thing, but this is extreme.

It sounds like Lotta may need some therapy because something deeper may be going on.

Good luck.