It’s common knowledge that if you invite someone out to an invite, you’re likely going to cover the cost, so they can attend.
But some people ignore this gesture, especially among family members, admitted the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Wild-Eggplant1780 was shocked when her sister invited her out to a fancy restaurant, only to live her with the entire bill.
When her family demanded she pay it, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was being selfish with her money.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to pay my sister’s bill and giving her information to the restaurant after she ditched me?”
The OP was excited when her sister moved nearby.
“My sister and her BF recently moved to a town next to mine. I was excited as we’ll be able to see more of each other now.”
“Nearby, there is a downtown center that has a lot of shopping, restaurants, galleries, etc. There is one upscale restaurant that both my husband and I love.”
“A dinner for two will run you about $200-$250 so it’s not a place we frequently go to.”
The OP’s sister wanted to check out the fancy restaurant.
“My sister called me last week and invited us out to dinner with them at the restaurant last night.”
“I reminded her it was an upscale place and to take a look at the menu beforehand because they are pricey and we can go somewhere else, tons of other great places.”
“She said they still wanted to go.”
“We hadn’t been there in a while so we accepted.”Dinner was great!”
But dinner didn’t go as planned.
“At the end of the meal, my sister excused herself to the bathroom and when she doesn’t come back relatively soon, her boyfriend went to find her.”
“After a while, neither of them comes back. We go to check for them and they are gone.”
“I call/text her and she texts back that they’ve left but ‘thanks for dinner, it was just as amazing as you said it would be’.”
“I asked her what she meant but no response. I texted again asking if she really just stuck us with the bill and no response.”
“I then texted that I never agreed to pay for them and that she had 30 minutes to come back to the restaurant or I’ll give the restaurant all her information and they will likely involve the police. No response.”
“At the 30 minute mark, I called/texted and got no response.”
“So I stayed true to my word. I paid for mine and my husband’s portion and gave all her information to the manager for their portion and then left.”
The sister finally called the OP back.
“The next day she called me back, upset that she’s been getting calls from the restaurant asking her to come to pay or they’ll contact the police.”
“I said I’m not surprised since she skipped out on her bill.”
“She said she thought I was paying the tab since I’ve paid for our dinners in the past (I have paid for her+me only dinners where the total tab was $60 max).”
“I said this was obviously different than the other times we met for dinner (this was all four of us AND at an upscale restaurant) and I was not paying the $450 tab and she had to cover her portion.”
“I reminded her that she invited us out and chose the restaurant.”
“I specifically asked if she wanted to go somewhere else but she is the one who insisted on going to this restaurant.”
“I never agreed to pay for everyone.”
The sister then admitted what happened.
“She then said she thought I’d just pay but when I asked the waiter for separate checks, she realized I wasn’t and left for the bathroom planning to ditch.”
“I said that since the restaurant hadn’t contacted the police yet, all she had to do was go in and pay and it would be settled.”
“She didn’t want to do that because it would be too embarrassing and asked me to cover it.”
“I again said no and that she had to take care of it.”
“Our family has gotten involved and I’m being pressured to just pay the bill.”
“AITA if I don’t and let the restaurant call the police?”
“Clearly, I will not be paying for anything ever again.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some were absolutely appalled by the sister’s behavior.
“She’s a coward, to run out and then text after dodging her calls? Clearly, there was no expectation of OP footing the bill, or she would have talked face-to-face.” – lemmful
“And she ditched!! Later on, so did her boyfriend. This tells you how they treated her sister.”
“Not leaving together, saying they had a great time. Nooo… they left rudely.” – Overdarambo
“This is how to tell whether someone has a modicum of class. At the end of my internship (many moons ago), my boss took me out to lunch at a FANCY restaurant.”
“I ordered a mid-priced entree and water, and hesitated on an after-meal coffee until she ordered one for herself and insisted that I have one too.”
“You don’t spend other people’s money frivolously, and don’t spend it at ALL unless they offer!” – JoDaLe2
“It’s got nothing to do with embarrassing. It’s emotional manipulation.”
“That was completely calculated and just an entitled s**tty thing to do.”
“Even if OP pays the bill I would expect the restaurant to ban the sister just for the incident/behavior alone.” – Letsallgoinside
Others also blamed the family for taking sides.
“Entitled is the word I would use. She was so sure that she could get her sister to just pay and forgive her. Wonder if she was the golden child of the family.” – johnny9k
“Sister and her boyfriend are in their 30s too. They are both really immature and horrible people. You eat, you pay.”
“Sister actually invited OP/husband to eat out, so OP asking for separate checks at the beginning of dinner was more understanding than I would have been being asked to go to dinner.”
“NTA OP, just ignore your family or else them they should pay for the sister since they evidently are responsible for raising her to be irresponsible and a thief of money.” – farsical111
“Definitely getting favorite child vibes from the parents. There is no justification for what her sister and the boyfriend did.” – Fearless_Speech9883
“If I were the OP, I would lie and tell her parents that the sister now says that the parents will be paying their half. Then the parents will know how it feels even if it’s just until they find out you lied!” – Krazzy4u
Some also agreed that the sister should have paid after inviting them out.
“An older custom/rule that has probably been forgotten in the mists of time is that the one who invites others to dine out is the person to be responsible for the bill.”
“OP’s sister made the invite, so by this old rule should have been the one paying the entire bill.”
“For that costly of a place, it would have been reasonable to split the bill.” – Kahtini
“I wouldn’t even tell the family to pay her sister’s bill, her sister put herself in this situation so it’s her issue to solve.”
“OP is NTA. Family should not automatically expect family to pay for them. Even asking to cover that amount for dinner isn’t something I personally would do and have previously ordered cheaper meals if someone else is paying including a partner paying.” – Shexleesh
“I always thought that for an expensive meal the person who invites and picks the place always pays 100% unless it is decided to split the bill.” – mKitty3333
“Even worse. In some places and cultures, it is expected that the one inviting is having to pay if not agreed otherwise. So essentially sister was responsible to clarify.”
“Either way. OPs not the AH.” – Atze-Peng
“Where I’m from, it’s commonly understood that when you invite someone to a specific restaurant, you pay the entire tab (unless someone goes crazy with their order).”
“So IMO (in my opinion), the sister should have been ready to pay for OP’s food.”
“Splitting the bill happens when you call someone up and go, ‘Hey we should get dinner sometime, what sounds good?,’ and you go back and forth until you come to a conclusion you both want to spend your own money on.” – Atrox_Primus
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“I’m only answering a few questions as I’m seeing that I’m NTA and it’s only been less than an hour.”
“This event really made me feel like a piggy bank and not a sister which is the most upsetting.”
“We are all early/mid-30s. She’s never really been this terrible BUT she has almost always found a way to bring my salary into conversations.”
“For example, the first time I met her boyfriend, we were talking about cars as he just bought a brand new car. I said I’d like to get into a new car but that I can’t afford it right now (true, I’m a saver and not a spender), and her response was ‘You make xxx, you can definitely afford that car’.”
“This event really made me feel like a piggy bank and not a sister which is the most upsetting.”
Though the OP thought she might have been wrong after being cornered by her family in this way, the subReddit said no way. The sister very pointedly invited the couples out to dinner, with the option to go somewhere cheaper, and then ditched. It can’t get much more petty than that.