Forgiving college debt is a hot button topic in the US right now. But is it worth suing over?
Redditor Accomplished_Bar5656 found themselves with college debt even though they were supposed to have a college fund.
The Original Poster (OP) learned that her parents had spent her college fund on her brother's wedding.
This led her to subReddit "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) for advice.
The OP asked,
"AITA for suing my parents for my college money."
She went on to explain what happened.
"My great-aunt set up savings accounts for all of her female relatives. In our culture education for women is not really valued, and she thought that was bullsh*t."
"She lived with her father in London, where she was educated. She went on to attend university and became a doctor."
"She married a British man, they moved to America, and had a great life. She funded the education of as many of her nieces and grandnieces as she could."
"When she passed away, she left money for every girl relative she could."
"My parents managed to access the accounts that were set up for my sister and me. They used it to pay for my brother's wedding."
"My sister didn't care because she got married two years out of high school and had no intention of going to college."
"When I graduated, I went to the bank to get money for school, and it was almost all gone. There was like $13,000 left."
"I asked my parents about it, and they said they needed the money. I finally found out where the money went."
"I got furious. I got student loans and moved out. I am a great source of shame to them, and I don't give two f*cks."
"I am currently suing them for the money that was left for me. My entire family is against me. They all think I am a complete a**hole for airing private family business in public."
"And that I am putting money ahead of family. My friends are all on my side, but they are all Americans and don't really get my culture. Neither do I, to be honest."
"My brother called me up and offered to pay for my university if I drop the lawsuit. I agreed as long as we had a legally binding contract.'
'He said I was being an a**hole for not trusting him. I said he should not have accepted my money for his wedding. It is causing all kinds of embarrassment in our community.'
'I am somewhat ashamed to be doing this, but I don't want to have this debt I should not have."
"So AITA?"
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
"NTA. Your parents didn't borrow your money. They stole it."
"I hope you have all the documents to show that money was yours."
"Your brother is also the AH for trying to get you to drop a lawsuit with what is most likely a lie."
"If you have a chance to start life without student debt, you do whatever you can to do that."
"Your parents and I'm sorry but their culture, sound completely toxic. I'm glad you got out." - Timely-Ask-1327
"'They all think I am a complete a**hole for airing private family business in public. And that I am putting money ahead of family.'"
"Noooooo, they think you are an a**hole for holding them accountable for their awful actions. They thought you would be a pushover, but you are showing them you're not."
"Your great-aunt would be proud of you."
"And you aren't the one putting money ahead of family. They did when they stole your money."
"They already showed you how little they think of you or respect you or love you as a family member when they screwed you over."
"NTA, obviously" - Mopper300
"NTA Your parents and your brother had the opportunity to keep this a private matter when you told them you would sue them if they didn't return the money or pay for your schooling."
"Since you have already been betrayed by family members you trusted, your brother should not be offended that you want a written contract." - kavk27
"NTA"
"She set up that fund precisely to stop this kind of sexist preferential treatment."
"Do it" - SmutDad
"NTA
Also, your alternative to your brother was excellent. I have no idea why your brother got angry /s"
"explicit explanation: because he is from the same family and was absolutely going to screw you over just like your parents did."
"I approve of absolutely every step you have done, especially dealing with your brother." - Zestyclose-Sky-1921
"'for airing private family business in public.'"
"You aren't posting drama on tiktok. You're suing them in court. The court will decide if they broke the law or not."
"Allowing a court to settle an issue when someone has broken the law is not "airing private family business." It's protecting yourself from illegal and/or abusive behaviors."
"You have every right, legally and morally, to do so."
"Nothing to be ashamed of."
"NTA" - AnonymousTruths1979
"You know…the fact the money was set up specifically so the FEMALES could get an education and then it was stolen to be used for a MALES wedding is just all kinds of extra messed up."
"NTA. Get your money OP!" - BeenieGeenie
"NTA at all. You got screwed over by those who should have your back the most."
"I don't blame you for taking legal action, just be aware that it might cost just as much as you'd get back if successful."
"If it were me, I'd cut my losses and go no contact. I get that it's hard, but what they did is absolutely awful." - AuContraireRodders
"She could also sue for legal fees and court costs.."
"Absolutely NTA. Show them what BS this patriarchal mindset is and sue them. Insist on a contract with your brother, including late fees/ fines, to prove how serious you are."
"I grew up in England near a lot of families where female children were definitely looked down on. I'm so sorry hug. Success is the best revenge. Good luck!" - shedevilinasnuggie
"NTA, your parents stole from you. I find it difficult to believe that that's culturally acceptable."
"If they had asked you to agree to the money being used, it would be different (although still not great given the power imbalance)"
"And I would have thought that intentionally disrespecting the dead would be a no-no in most cultures."
"You aren't ' airing family business in public'. You are dealing with theft. Your parents are the ones who chose to lie and steal. They have only the same to blame that their actions have caught up with them."
"And yes, relying on a formal, binding, legal contract in place to withdraw your legal claim is essential. You are not being an AH ."
"If your brother is honest and trustworthy, then there is no reason for him to object. If he isn't, there is every reason to get it formally drawn up." - ProfessorYaffle1
"NTA"
"You go, girl!"
"A**holes (in this case, your misogynistic parents and those who enable them) will always complain about making their behavior public because they know it makes them look bad."
"They'll try to pull every lever they can to keep things hidden. Don't let them."
"Your parents stole from you. They are choosing not to correct their actions. Of course, you should sue them."
"As for your brother. You are right to demand a contract. Though I'd make sure a lawyer agrees that it is binding."
"Your brother may need to put up some collateral and payment plan. Otherwise, tell him that the full sum will make you pull the lawsuit. And why would you trust anyone in your family?" - GreekAmericanDom
"NTA."
"'My brother called me up and offered to pay for my university if I drop the lawsuit. I agreed as long as we had a legally binding contract. He said I was being an a**hole for not trusting him.'"
"This shows he had no intention of actually paying you. Get out, get your education, and never look back. Your family is angry because they're embarrassed as hell, and the community is laughing at them." - chaos8803
"NTA It's not "just money" it's your future! Regardless of how they feel about you getting an education, they took what wasn't theirs."
"And good on you for telling your brother you need something in writing before agreeing to let him pay you back."
"Good luck OP!" - ExRiverFish4557
"1. You are NTA big time."
"2. You didn't bring this into public - they did when they decided not to pay you what is yours."
"3. Your brother broke the trust, not you."
"4. If your brother pays, then fine, then you get what is yours, don't count on your thieving parents to be able to pay."
"But be absolutely sure that you don't leave him a loophole to weasel out. Do not drop the lawsuit before every single penny is on your account."
"If the court rules in your favor, your brother can always pay on their behalf."
"5. You are not a shame to your parents. They should be proud that you don't take sh*t like that - even from them. If anyone is a shame to them, it is them." - Legal-Equivalent-390
The OP's great-aunt had quite the foresight.
We hope that this young woman follows in her aunt's footsteps, as she's already a wonderful advocate for her self, and perhaps for other women once she gets her education.
Woman Breaks Up With Boyfriend Who Worried People Would Think She Was Trans For Using Stand-To-Pee Device
Content Warning: Transphobia, Transphobic Comments
There are countless different reasons that a relationship might end, and a red flag could arise at any time. Some of these might have been learned in childhood and could improve over time.
Transphobia is absolutely a red flag that should be acted on immediately; however, with no option to fly again, pointed out the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor funnelfuss was in the car with her boyfriend when they got stuck in a traffic jam.
She really needed to use the restroom, so since she had a device with her to make the process easier, she decided she'd step out of the car.
But when her boyfriend panicked and thought people might mistake her for a man, the Original Poster (OP) realized that her boyfriend was not who she thought he was.
She asked the sub:
The OP had to use the restroom while stuck in a traffic jam.
"My (26 Female) boyfriend (25 Male) and I got stuck in an insane traffic jam. My boyfriend was driving."
"We were at a standstill. Found out later on, they had closed the highway."
"I had to pee really bad, like bad bad bad. I saw that a couple guys had run to the side of the road to pee, and I decided to do the same."
"It was super open, with a few bushes by the side of the road, really not much cover."
The OP's boyfriend became uncomfortable when he realized she had a pee-to-stand device.
"I have a stand-to-pee device in my car, but when I grabbed it, my boyfriend got all weird."
"He said people would see me pee standing up and think I was Trans."
"I said no one would think that, plenty of women have pee funnels, and that also I didn't care. I have no beef with Trans people!"
"He said I should squat, just to put his mind at ease."
"I said I didn't want to get my butt and c**ch out on the highway in front of everyone, or get pee on my shoes, and I just wanted to be quick and clean."
"He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans and that I should squat, like GIRLS do."
The OP decided she was over it.
"I was dying by this point. I couldn't hold it anymore, and I really didn't want to show the world my butt, so I ran to the side of the road and slipped the device into my jeans and just peed standing up with my back to traffic."
"No one could see anything; it just slides through the zipper. But I guess maybe if someone was looking, they would be confused? But also, who's LOOKING?!"
"When I got back to the car, my boyfriend wouldn't talk to me. He says I disrespected his feelings. But it was 100% an emergency, and I don't get what his problem was."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that there was nothing wrong with using the restroom how she wanted.
"OP, don't think for one more second about this. Your boyfriend is being ridiculous."
"As if you will ever see any of those people again! Plus, holding it in for too long can cause a whole host of issues."
"It's actually genius that you have something like that in your car, just in case. I'm going to order one too now! NTA." - m_alice88
"'Honey, please show all these strangers your c**ch and a** so they know I'm not gay, mmmm'kay?'"
"A weak man, a very weak man." - lefteyedcrow
"You must have a she-wee! Those are so great for women."
"Tell your boyfriend to get over himself. You had to pee. He does not understand that squatting can suck and leave you exposed."
"If he is that upset you did this, rethink this relationship. I would find it hysterical."
"NTA." - Oktodayithink
"NTA, OP. You just needed a makeshift restroom."
"Your boyfriend apparently thought that it was normal for people to stare at strangers who are trying to pee to evaluate who they are, who they're with, and what the status of their relationship is."
"You know, to pass the time while in gridlock traffic." - Pixichixi
"You did nothing wrong, OP! When you have to go, you have to go. It's healthier to go."
"And don't apologize! We're so wired to reduce conflict, even to the point of downplaying how we feel to keep the peace or end the silence. Don't do it."
"It's a him issue. He thinks his feelings on this are more important than your discomfort about showing your naked body on the side of the road. If he can't figure that out for himself and apologize, it would be a dealbreaker for me." - lelawes
Others agreed and pointed out that the ex-boyfriend was very transphobic.
"NTA. Your boyfriend is clearly transphobic. That is 100% on him. And who cares if people think you are Trans?"
"'He said he didn't want people to look at the girl he was dating and think she was Trans.' And you don't want people to think you're dating someone bigoted and hateful." - GreekAmericanDom
"He may not consider himself transphobic ('I don't hate Trans people! I just don't want to be associated with them or have anyone think I'm with a Trans person!'), but he absolutely is, probably with a healthy side helping of homophobia."
"Why would he care, unless a) Trans women are not women in his eyes, or b) it somehow would be emasculating or embarrassing to his ego to be with a Trans woman."
"Also, you're in a traffic jam. Who the f**k is even watching close enough to care, and who of those people matters enough to give two s**ts about what they think."
"Not to mention, he's being weirdly controlling about your behaviors and how they reflect on him in a scenario where arguably he's never going to interact with a single person he's worrying about." - maladicta228
"This post reminds me of the time I got dressed to go to a function. It was a casual gathering. My kid (this was solidly on their father, my ex, as he's gotten insanely bigoted as he's aged) said, 'Mom, you're dressed like a Lesbian.'"
"Me: 'Lesbians have great fashion sense, I'd love to be mistaken for one.'"
"They paused for a second and realized that I truly wasn't dressing for men (despite it being my husband's work function), and that being seen as a lesbian was a good thing. I'm so glad I raised them to think for themselves, and realize that one can be wrong, admit it, and work on being a better person every day. They've never said anything like that since." - baconbitsy
"He's so insecure (and transphobic) that he cares more about what some strangers in a traffic jam might wrongly assume about you (and thereby him) than YOUR needs, comfort, and health."
"He expected you to prioritize his insecurities (feelings) above that and then punished you when you prioritized your health."
"You sure you want to be with someone like that?? NTA." - molotovmerkin
"Your boyfriend is so transphobic that he wants you to expose your genitalia on the side of the road to prove that you're not a Trans woman because he can't stand the idea of a total stranger, in a neighboring car, whom he will never speak to or see ever again, thinking he MIGHT be SHARING A CAR (because the strangers in other cars have no idea that you're dating) with a Trans woman."
"You're NTA, but get a better boyfriend." - HighCsummer
"Literally, you have to be super transphobic to think people in traffic are gonna judge you if your girlfriend is standing to pee. Like come onnnnnn, this is some insane insecurity." - Responsible-Pickle-2
Some pointed out that not only was the ex-boyfriend transphobic, but also controlling.
"This won't be the last time he expects OP to sacrifice things or make her life worse so that she can conform to his ideal of feminine stereotypes and keep up appearances for his fragile masculine ego."
"And that he gave her the silent treatment for not obliging his transphobia and misogyny disguised as 'feelings' is also problematic." - blancamystiere
"He's insecure and transphobic. He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort."
"NTA, and honestly, you can do better than this specimen." - PetersMapProject
"NTA. Your boyfriend would have preferred for everyone to see your a** and vagina than have a random stranger think his girlfriend is Trans. He would rather you expose yourself for his personal gain."
"Get a better boyfriend." - Amaze-balls-trippen
"The transphobia? The insecurity? And the silent treatment when he doesn't get his way?"
"So many red flags!" - CarolynDesign
"He also puts his insecurity and transphobia above your comfort and safety."
"He would rather you invite unwanted attention and risk by exposing your private parts to the world than have people think he (who most of the onlookers couldn't even see) might be dating a Trans person."
"NTA. OP, he's too insecure, self-centered, and immature to be a good partner to you, given that he's willing to compromise your safety to avoid a single twinge of discomfort. Dump him." - Hari_om_tat_sat
After receiving feedback, the OP was reassured and shared some positive updates.
"UPDATE: Thank you, everyone, for helping me feel sane again!"
"I got quite a few questions about which device I use, and honestly, it's about what fits you best. There are a ton of options. It's what fits you. Check out pStyle, Freshette, and EllaPee."
"I tried peeing standing up in a toilet, and it worked fine. I think my aim was pretty good, but then I saw little droplets on the floor. No thanks, don't need that. Also, it's loud? Awkward."
"But for the outside, it's pretty fun! I drive a lot, that's why it was in my car. Lifesaver."
"Also, I guess in this case it brought out an ugly side of my (ex) boyfriend and clarified some stuff for me. A winner all around."
"And to all the commenters asking, YES, he is an ex-boyfriend now."
"And yes, there were other red flags."
"Ditched the man, kept the pee funnel. Gonna laugh at him every time I pee standing up."
There's no way to imagine just how awkward the rest of the car ride was after using the restroom and returning to the now-silent and very entitled boyfriend, still stuck in a traffic jam.
But fortunately for the OP, she learned something vital about her relationship during a moment that should have been a total non-issue.
By being concerned about this and expecting the OP to prioritize her ex's pride over her comfort, safety, and cleanliness, her ex told her everything she needed to know.