Redditor bejar1296 is a 21-year-old female who doesn’t want children.
She recently got together with her extended family after not having seen each other due to the pandemic.
There was a lot to catch up on, but her aunt and uncle were not prepared for what they were about to hear.
When her mother criticized her for saying too much, she later visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for talking about my tubal in front of my aunt?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained what happened.
“So I had a bisalp [bilateral salpingectomy] (my Fallopian tubes removed) back in November completely by choice as I don’t want children.”
“Because of [the virus] my extended family hasn’t all gotten together in over a year until last week we had a backyard BBQ.”
“We of course we’re all catching up on everything that happened and my one uncle mentioned how he’d recently had a vasectomy (he has 2 kids) and talked about his recovery time and how easy it was for him.”
“So I brought up my surgery and we started comparing how differently our experiences were and this lead to the family asking me questions about why I had it, why I didn’t wait, what if I regret it, etc.”
“And I was honest with them saying I never want children, pregnancy freaks me out and how I’d be a terrible parent anyways.”
“Well unknown to anyone else but my mom, my aunt and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for nearly 3 years and were struggling.”
“After we all left I went back to my parents to hangout and my mom said that it was really rude of me to talk about it infront of them and that I was ‘rubbing it in that I could have had kids but threw that away’ and ‘why did I have to make a spectacle about my choices’ and ‘I should think about what others are going through before running my mouth.”
“In the end I was advised that from now on I should just keep my lifestyle to myself.”
“So AITA for talking about my choice to get sterilized in front of my aunt and anyone else?”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.
“NTA. Why is it okay for uncle to bring it up and not you? Oh right, because all women everywhere are expected to want to have kids.”
“You were catching up with family, which was the point of the evening, and talking to people asking questions. You weren’t going up and shoving your face in your aunt’s and demeaning her or even bringing her up at all.”
“I get that it’s hard to want what comes so easily to others and not get it, but that doesn’t mean everyone who CAN get pregnant should. Not wanting to is valid. Anyone that makes someone else’s life and life choices about themselves have bigger problems, imo.” – yay_darkness
“NTA. How is it _your fault_ for talking about something that your uncle brought up?”
“You didn’t walk out of the house yelling ‘I DON’T WANT AND CAN’T HAVE BABIES’ you just joined a conversation. Your aunt’s situation is sad but nobody even knew about it, she can’t expect everyone to tiptoe around a subject they don’t know to avoid.” – SolidUpstairs
“Your ‘lifestyle’? Your lifestyle of… Making medical decision about your own body?”
“Also good goddamn I hate the attitude of ‘you’ll regret/how could you throw away’, it’s so reductive! You are more than your potential to make a baby!” – wahwahwashbear
“NTA. It sounds like your mom got offended on your aunt and uncle’s behalf. You didn’t know about their troubles.”
“It’s not like you getting sterilized made it harder for them to get pregnant.” – Pristine-Objective91
“NTA. The blatant sexism in your family is obscenely cringy. You were awful for deciding what to do with your body but nobody paid mind to the uncle with a vasectomy? Ridiculous.”
“Then there is this gem…”
“‘I was ‘rubbing it in that I could have had kids but threw that away.’”
“But if you had kids and brought them, that wouldn’t at all rub in the fact that they are struggling with conception while you got pregnant with ease?”
“My heart goes to those that struggle to conceive, right up until they start deflecting their issues onto those that have child or choose not to.” – HoneyBadgerMarmalade
“NTA. I’m infertile and have been a member of the IVF community for 5 f’king years, and at no point would I ever oppress another uterus-haver from making a decision against having children just because I can’t have that choice.”
“Our bodies, our rules.”
“It’s honestly disgusting they are holding their infertility health issues against your autonomy.” – purseuitofhappiness
“NTA. You do not need to censor yourself. It is a shame your aunt and uncle are experiencing fertility issues, but that has nothing to do with you and your life choice.”
“Babies and pregnant people are everywhere in public, but I doubt your aunt and uncle avoid going out in public. I am sure they realize you were not being hurtful. Also, you didn’t even know about their issues, so you had no idea they might be hurt.” – DncgBbyGroot
“nta, were you supposed to offer to have a child for them or something? Goodness most countries dont allow you to sterilise yourself as a woman and im 37 and wanting a hysterectomy but have been told i need to ‘deal with my horrorific bleeding’ as im too young for a hysterectomy.”
“I cannot medically fall pregnant without help and i have chronic pain and a severely damaged spine so carrying a child would be very very hard on my body.”
“Anyways you arent an AH for your choices. I remember a friend deciding to have an abortion while another friend was trying to get pregnant and she was hurt she didnt think of her and carry the baby to term to give to her but at the end of the day its your body, your choice and noone else has a right to tell you what to do with YOUR body.”
“Sides your mama doesnt know you could have gotten pregnant anyways. At 21 all looked fine with me but i had pcos.” – Acquta
“NTA, Just because she can’t get pregnant doesn’t mean she can get salty over SOMEONE else not wanting kids.”
“besides, you weren’t even rubbing it in. You just said why and that’s where it should have ended.” – CursedDankMEMES
While some Redditors had empathy for the aunt, many still thought the OP was not being an a**hole for talking about a decision she felt was right for her.